Abbey, I am in the same situation. I have contact from my husband almost daily. Its random stuff thats nothing to do with anything really. I think he thinks if he stays in contact and is nice, I won't make it hard for him to get what he wants. I misread all contact as "he does care" but now I see it as maniuplating and controlling. He texted me Friday night to ask "please tell me the dogs are ok?" it was 6.30pm and he knows I am home around 5.00pm. I sent him a picture of the dogs with a reply "we are ok Dad we are at home". I got a one word reply, "thankx". So I cheekily sent him another one, "you know where we are, so where are you?" got the usual one word reply, "City" he was out with god only knows who and wanted me to know this. He found out where I was, yes home with the dogs and he is out drinking and having a good time. I don't know how to do this anymore. I maintain the niceness as its too exhausting being angry all the time. He has no idea what his constant contact does to me, and I don't think he really cares as long as he stays nice then he assumes he will been seen as the NICE GUY! thats why they do it. Control and manipulation.

Yes Jo, I think there is certainly an element of control. Texts were used as a means of figuring out where I was.
Now there are only emails because I couldnt cope with the constant war/drama/emotional rollercoaster.

I would know with my ex's sudden short replies that he was busy. It would torture me and wouldve been easier with no contact.
So its certainly not a unique thing is it!

Cant say he's doing it to keep me on side because Ive done everything I could do to sort things out. Lols, he knows no one thinks he's a nice guy.

It is control in a way because he knows I want less contact and he knows by keeping the contact up it stops me from being ok. Then I think well is it control or a desperate attempt to keep any hope alive.

resisting the temptation to respond when he is being nice is almost impossible. I dont want to be rude and I think well we have to amintain some contact because of our son. Other times he is hurting and it bothers me.
crazy because other months he convinced me he was hurting he was with the g/f while convincing me he was sleeping at work on the floor in his office....duh.
I know he wasnt happy but still he was deceiving me.

I look at his life that has fallen to bits and I cant help but feel sorry for him.
He caused so much pain but I think because he was in pain.

Thinking of you and the 'are the dogs ok' texts, I used to get similar all the time, making contact under the 'hows boy' guise. Yup, sly. Even the emails, 'hows boy doing'? How can I not respond to something so rational, innocent? Like yourself, we would look to be causing a vibe for no reason. Then I respond, then i get the 'how you doing'. And it goes from there.
Its as though they dont want that last chord cutting and will do anything to keep contact at any level. Even if it stops either from moving on. With having our son I feel like its a ctach 22. And while I do everything to minimise contact he's doing everything opposite. Hard work isnt it.

I can relate...what a rollercoaster. I can't say that my husband's niceness is causing me to love or respect him again...it isn't. It does make me feel sorry for him, because he know I'm ready to refile anytime and he's grasping for straws...trying everything....wanting to talk about planning for our future, planting trees, family vacations. (actually, he talks about that in front of the kids, which puts even more pressure on me....more control) I know he wouldn't see it as that.

I agree, it IS easier when he's being an a**. Then I don't have those feeling of feeling sorry for him.

I know Jean, sods law isnt it, they spend years making us miserable then when we want them to be themselves they become (or should that be 'pretend to be') the wonderful guy we thought we were getting in the first place. How selfish of them...