Hi Cindy --

Your post didn't come through. Any way you could re=post? I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Thanks,

lori

No need to be jealous of the woman who he is with...they are now the ones who are dealing with HIS problems. If you think of it that way it helps. It helped me. I laugh when I think of how now my ex's gf is the one dealing with his crap. She didn't have to deal with his crap when we were married, just had sex with him and left.
I am dating. It is GREAT! I now know what I really want in a partner. I think when I got married I was young and wanted that " knight in shinning armor/castle" kind of love. Now I know that only exists in Robin Hood. I really just want someone to love me for who I am, not expect me to take on the world while I do dishes and wash his clothes I no longer count on a man to make me happy, I am happy with my self and that makes me happy with a man.
So I am a good person ( I think) and my advise is going to sound a little slutty
GO out have a few drinks and flirt with a hottie..I'm not saying sleep with him I'm just saying allow your self to feel good about who you are. It might me a shallow way to boast your self esteem but it will lift you up for a moment or two. Just knowing that you are desirable by other men helps you realize that he wasn't the only fish in the sea.

Thanks, Lisa! You don't sound slutty at all, by the way! I know that self-love is the key, isn't it? I'm really working on that, and look forward to the peace I know it will bring. I know my ex comes loaded with lots and lots of baggage, and I can't imagine anyone with a lot on the ball being willing to take it on. You hit it right on the head when you mentioned the kind of man that is appealing now vs. before marriage. There are no knights, and I don't want to be a damsel in distress anyway! When and if the right guy does come along, I want to be able to recognize him..Great to hear that you are enjoying dating; I hope I can say the same thing soon!

Lori

Ditto, me too. I still love him but he wants the single life after 20years of marriage. I am struggling to move on and contemplate dating. I know he is seeing someone else, and this was going on while he was still coming back and seeing me after he left. Its not the ***** he had the affair with, no its another one! How can they do it? He hasn't even dealt with his current situation and he is putting himself out there. Must be a woman thing, we obviously take commitment and love to a whole new level that they will never get! I know I have no choice now but to move on, but all in good time. Its my birthday in 2 days and then my 16th wedding anniversary 2 days after that! I am not looking forward to this week knowing I will be alone and he is in the arms of another woman with not a care in the world or thought about me. Oh well, at least I am breathing and have a beautiful son and 2 dogs!

Jo, it's so hard isn't it? Some days much better than others for sure. I just celebrated a birthday, and my stb ex showered me with flowers and a gift, took me to dinner, etc. Very confusing, but only because I don't want to believe the truth: he wants to be able to say we ended our marriage on great terms, are still the best of friends, etc.... As a friend put it: "You are his security blanket". Not fair since he is also dating. Very cruel, actually. He is quite aware of my tender feelings for him. I honestly think I would have healed by now if he just left me alone right after we split. As I have told him, if I were in a place emotionally where I was dating, I would leave you the hell alone! Wow, I started on quite a rant there1 I don't really feel like dating, but I'm wondering if I just put myself out there a little if I would feel less married and understand that he is not to be mooned after. Then I might be able to really move on! Interesting to hear different opinions on this, thanks! I hope you have a lovely birthday. The anniversary be sad but it will come and go and you will be fine when it is all over, trust me.

Lori

Lori are you sure we are not married to the same person!! He sounds just like my husband. Mr Nice Guy, no pressure about legals, just be nice to me, rant at me when he is having a bad day, shouts at me when he thinks I can't hear him, but told me that I was the only stable thing in his life. Yeah, well if that was the case, why throw away 20 yrs then. I don't know what he will do this year as last year he was having his affair at this very time. Thats the hard part for me looking back at where he was and what he was doing, sleeping with his slut and coming home to me as well. Went on holidays for our Wedding anniversary, I made special plans for us, and what does he do, calls and texts the slut while we are away. Only found that out when he left and I had access to his phone bills. That almost destroyed me. He was such a good liar and sneak and I never had a clue as I trusted him completely. He also took HER shopping for my birthday and anniversary presents, found that out later as well. I feel like stabbing someone in the eye with a knife!!! Not that it would help but it may make me feel better

Girl, I am in the same boat, what is it about these men thinking that they are God's greatest and that we women are merely there, and when they just decide they dont want us anymore they just want to be friends, to make life easier for us. Mine left me 3 months ago, after 24 years of a great marriage, and said it was because i
did not keep my kitchen clean enough.

I don't know whether the best way to completely get over someone is to get under someone else, but it can help. Get out and meet people. Regain control of your life. It's ironic, a business partner and I were discussing a way to make it easier for divorcees to start dating again without any pressure. So we said hey, why not build a food dating website where you can meet people to have dinner with. Does this sounds like something that would be appealing to the community? If so, we might start building it.

I would love such a site! I am not looking for a relationship but it would be nice to have someone to go to dinner with and NO pressure!

Maybe you could add something I was thinking about a few years back. I thought wouldn't it be nice to have someplace to sign up somewhere if you wanted to see a local movie some night and not have to sit by yourself. You could find someone who wants to see the same movie and maybe it could build into something more than a friendship, but you would have to set up safety issues. Maybe you could even have it where you would just want another woman as a friend...rather than another man if you are not up to feeling like it is a date and just wanted the company of another woman. "Just a thought."

omg, i am with you, I have been married 24yrs, and he says that he is just no in love with me anymore. How do I even meet people