I just want to know how many before I found out. How many woman did he want or did he have while I was going through our 3 years of marriage thinking all was fine and happy. People at work are gossiping about why we are getting a divorce. Even had a few ask me....tact apparently isn't a strong suite with some people. They don't know that he cheated on me or with who they just know were spiting. I can already tell who liked me me and who like me because they wanted a piece of my husband. The woman who moved into my house is said to be getting an apartment with someone else so she is going to leave...probably because I emailed her and told her in a nice as possible way what she is facing and will face if she gets into the middle of this divorce and the selling of my house. Someone told me the other day that it takes as long as you have known your ex to get over him and the things he did to you....am I really looking forward to 6 years of pain and anger...I don't think I can handle that.

17 years! tell me you are kidding!

Julia take it from some one who has been in your shoes...You DO NOT want to know how many. I knew of at least two and DO NOT want to know about anymore. I love how people I thought of as friends knew of his deception and never thought to tell me. One was even a member of my family, he is since considered dead to me. I do not have time for people who aren't honest.
You will get over your husband sooner than even you are going to know. Right now you may think that you are destined to a life of misery but you are not. You will smile again, you will laugh again and believe it or not you will love again.
He however will be miserable. Take a little joy in knowing that.
If you are anything like me I blamed myself at first. I though I had to have done something to make him look to another for love/sex. I figured if I tried harder, loved him more he would change. I though for sure that having a child would change him, it didn't, neither did having two...I realized after a lot of soul searching that it was not me, it was him. Don't allow him to take any more of you than he already has. Learn to be happy again. Go get your nails done, get your hair done, buy a new outfit, anything that makes you happy DO.
Do not waste time thinking of him, he is not worth it. NO person who lies, cheats and slides their way through life without a thought of others is.

JuliaR wrote:
Someone told me the other day that it takes as long as you have known your ex to get over him and the things he did to you....am I really looking forward to 6 years of pain and anger...I don't think I can handle that.

Oh, that just can't be true! I am coming out of a 20 year marriage, and there is no way in hell I am spending another 20 years in pain over it. Whoever told you that was just repeating some silly thing they heard somewhere. It takes work and growth, but I know we are all healing and moving forward. I keep reminding myself that whether or not I feel like I was treated well by my stbx, the truth is our marriage was not fulfilling. He was not a good partner for me, and I can't imagine who he will end up with that could possibly make him happy. There were more bad days than good, and that is no way to live a life.

Your wounds are still very, very fresh so take care of yourself and remember: his behavior is not about you. And knowing details, names, etc. will only make the pain last longer. I am speaking from experience: resist the temptation to learn more about his cheating. The anger and jealousy will grow like a cancer in your mind once you start. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from getting more information, no closure, no revenge, no satisfaction. Only sleepless nights and lots of tears. Anyone who is doing these thoughtless and selfish things that he is probably won't ever change and will always be looking to the next one to make him happy instead of being a man and taking responsibility for himself. Start working on letting him go so you can be happy again.

Love

Take care of yourself.

17 years. I sure hope not. No...I am now in control, not him. He will NOT get another 17 years of my life!

I agree with everyone else, it won't take that long! I am coming out of a 20 year marriage but it's been horrid the whole time so I keep working on making it final in my mind even though he won't leave my house. I also FORCE myself to stop thinking about what he's doing, who he's with. I just say it does not matter, we are not together anymore. Whatever he did, I'll never know the full truth anyway, so why stress myself by coming up with all sorts of scenarios. And whatever he does now, well, that's between him and God. As for people at work, yeah, they can be pretty tactless. I actually wear my ring to work (put in on in the car on the way, take it off on the way home). Otherwise I get met with beady little gossiping eyes lighting up, hoping to get a piece of my story so they can go and whisper and giggle about my pain. Charming. If they ask, make something up. Say you found out he's a spy. If someone asks you if he's really a spy, say no, they misheard, you said he wasn't always a guy (you get the idea!) Pretty soon they'll get tired of it and know they won't get the truth out of you and know you are realizing they are being childish and so are treating them as children. And you can always say "well, obviously I was kidding! I was just trying to get you to mind your own business" if anyone confronts you on what you say. Well, you can always just tell them to mind their own business, too. Tell them the reason is personal, then get a very secretive look on your face and say "trust me, it's for a GOOD reason that I left..." make them wonder...you know have a little fun at the expense of their stupidity. They deserve it, no need to worry about offending them, they certainly aren't worried about your feelings! Sorry, it just makes me really mad when people have fun gossiping about other people's misfortunes (hate the tabloids too, but I guess it's part of the culture). Just hang in there, focus on your goals, make a great life for yourself. He can only hurt you if you let him, so take back your power.

Thanks you guys! I had a rough day today because had to have one of the cars changed over to the x's name. He was there and tried to talk and plead and say how sry he was....now that his "roommate" bolted and didn't tell him I knew she was going to before he did isn't that funny. He is getting desperate because he can't pay me half of the house payment or keep cat food in the house or milk, or toilet paper....all the things I took care of he can't seem to do...boy is he missing me now. It's still hard to listen to him and not say ok I'll come home but dammit I don't want to go through this again I can't. I am tired of crying at the drop of a hat or my stomach hurting every time I think about my future, but he did this to me so why would I go back and just relive this again and again.

Julie I sure hope that, that will be wrong about how long it will take to get over him, because I would probably be dead by then.The way I am feeling now I dont think it will take that long.
Lisa, I am with you on the burning of the bed,I would have done the same. Burning can actually be kind of healing. I burnt a whole pile of my husbands clothes the other day, and it felt good.

I rented a dumpster and threw ALL his belonging away that were in the attic. His Gf at the time actually tried to go dumpster diving to get the stuff back...I called the owner of the garbage place and had her stopped. It's good to have connections in a small town.
Serves him right for bringing me back when I didn't want to be back. Every once in a while karma needs a SHOVE in the right direction