Thank You Abbey.
I have tried suggesting that he write a journal, or do a draw journal. Bought him a journal and a drawing pad. He is a stubborn child ( NO IDEA WHERE HE GETS IT) and tells me there is NO need for him to get help. I have it here and keep reminding him that it's here if he wants to give it a shot.
He hates talking to people and doesn't think it would help. I as the MOM have made him go to counseling. I feel bad making him go but I know he needs it.
I asked him a month ago to write a letter to his Dad and he wont. He doesn't want his Dad to get upset with him
I don't make him talk to me about what is said or what happens at his Dad's house. I realize that if I do then he feels obligated to tell. Usually I hear about it from my youngest. He just blurts out ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that has happened. He is 6 ya know
10/10 times my son has a stomach ache is because of something that his Dad, his Grammy or his Uncle Joe have said about me, and they LOVE to talk trash about my brother too which upsets my son because my brother is around ALL the time.
My son talks to me or my brother about things but doesn't feel comfortable talking to his Dad. Does this have something to do with the whole " I want my Dad's approval" ?
I push him to open up to his Dad, to a point. I talk to him. I use all different types of "therapy" to help him but he still get bad stomach pains when he comes home.
He has been with me all week and all weekend and guess what NO BELLY PAIN. I wish I could talk to my ex but he refuses to listen to me. Last weekend he took my son to ER, the dr put him on meds for heartburn?! My dr took him right back off it. My ex seems to think it is a medical issue but it is not and he won't listen to me when I tell him he only time he is sick is when he is with him.
I wonder if it is that Dad has to new children in his life and my son is jealous? I don't know.
Question: How long to I let this go on before I have the courts involved? Do I try to lower his visitations? I do not want to keep my boys away from their father...but I do not want my son's stomach aches to turn into something more serious because his father refuses to act like an adult and deal with the fact that his actions are effecting our son. By feeling this way am I trying to under mind my ex? I am confused on how to handle this I don't want to be the parent who blames or hinders the other parent. I just want to see my son happy, at both homes.
Please answer as a social worker and not a Mom.

Hey Lisa,

ok as a social worker?

Unless your son is saying he doesnt want to go to his dads then reducing contact probably isnt the wisest thing and could add to anxiety. Ask your son outright if he is happy with the amount of contact, just to get a feel for it.

did you say he is 6? For some reason I thought he was 9.
Theres quite a difference in developmental needs between the ages so clarification would be helpful.

If he is 6 there could be ambivalent feelings going on, loves his dad but mum is more important, therefore the bad mouthing could be having quite an impact on him.
The doctor thing doesnt sound too good, he goes to dads and goes on medication, back home he's off. I know this is really tricky and in fact just sometimes impossible but when health is the issue you and your ex have got to try and reach some safe ground.
If my ex said that my son was sick every time he was with me and not with him, I would actually think he was making it up to get at me.
What are the chances of you maybe writing an email to your ex that focuses only the health issue of your son. Ask him to look at a process of illimination. Ask your ex to look at what happens just before the stomache ache started? He might not admit it Lisa but it might trigger something in him where he thinks 'well actually I was just bad mouthing his mum'. Could you 'ask' for his opinion and throw it out that you are wondering if your son is having a physical reaction to emotional distress.
Its tricky, as a social worker Id be able to tell both parents that bad mouthing each parent is going to cause harm to their child and is unacceptable. Thats what your ex needs to hear but at the same time you dont have an outsider involved who could speak so candidly to your ex.
Could you just be dead straight with him and tell him you know he bad mouths you and though you couldnt care less, you think thats what is causing the stomache aches. you could even suggest he puts it to the test. See if not bad mouthing you makes a difference to your sons health.

From a work perspective, if your son feels he doesnt need to talk then thats fine. The onus to sort this out rests with you and his dad. I know you are between a rock and a hard place Lisa, but without anything in place to make him tow the line you are going to have to try and get him to see that your concerns are way past the animosity between you both and purely of concern for your boy. ask him if on this one occasion you can work together?

Let me know how old your son is I'll pop back tomorrow. I have to go now so its a bit hurried but i wanted to respond.

It sounds to me like your son knows you are there for him which is the most important thing of all. The fact that he doesnt feel the need to talk to someone else I would take as a positive indication of his ability to cope with all the changes and his trust in you.
I do think it is connected to the bad mouthing and in short his dad has got to realise it has to stop for the benefit of your son.
Obviously all medical related issues have to be ruled out but I think the timing is way too obvious and i think it probably is his reaction to stress (Im no doctor of course).

Dont stress, itll be sorted, its just figuring out what works. And something will work.

He is 9. I do have a 6 year old as well.
I think that maybe if you hear al little more of my story you may understand just the kind of man I am dealing with.
When all this (the divorce) happened my son was okay. No belly aches, nothing. I even up rooted him and moved 3 hours north, NO CONTACT with his father for almost 3 weeks. I explained to him that for reasons that I could not talk about with him we had to go. My son knows me,he know that I do not fear easily so he knew that something was wrong, yet no belly aches. He trusts me. As I said before I am very honest with my boys. No sugar coating in this house. If a shot hurts I tell them, if a spray burns they know before hand....They know as much about the divorce as they need to know. I do not feel the need to downgrade their father in their eyes by telling them all his affairs and such..some questions are best left unanswered. They know I love them and that none of it was their fault.
The day my ex got out of the hospital ( mental health issues) he came to the house and demanded that we tell our boys that I was kicking him out. I refused telling him that now was not the time, he was to angry and we needed to deal with the boys with "kid gloves" He agreed, so I thought, and just asked if he could see them before he left. Stupidly I agreed, the boys knew he was there and though that he was away due to work. I had talked to him on the phone and told him that the boys didn't know he was in the hospital they thought that he was called away, that does happen to him a lot. He thanked me for the cover. My reply: "yeah, after all I always covered for you" I did not want my son knowing, it would just hurt him even more. No sense in destroying his views of his father I was already about to flip his world by telling him Daddy wasn't coming home.
Anyhow ( sorry I tend to ramble) I allowed my ex in and excused myself I needed a smoke more than you could ever imagine. While I was walking out the door I heard him speak, then my son start crying...that ******* told him " I'm sorry son, I can't stay. Mommy kicked me out, she doesn't love me anymore" I was so mad at him/ As my son was hugging him, crying he looked at me and said " See, just look and see what you are doing to our children, you are a terrible person." I asked him politely to leave, he refused. I pulled my son away for him and asked him again to leave. He refused. I got the phone and asked him to leave or I was calling to cops to have him removed. He left. I was the one who had to explain to my son why I was asking Daddy to leave. It was to late for the whole " Mommy and Daddy don't agree and have decided to take a break" song and dance. I told him that Mommy had asked Daddy over and over to not drink and to stay home with her and he didn't so Mommy was tired of it and asked Daddy to please move in with Grammy until I have a chance to think clearly. My son knew his Dad was never home and as much as I tried to hide my hurt he knew that I was hurt. He is no dummy.
I stayed where I was for a month. Every day my ex stopped at the house and begged me to let him come home, he only came when the boys were there. Always made a scene. One day come yelling that he wanted his gun and was not leaving until I gave it to him, my boys were on the back porch, windows were open, they heard it all. I should have had him arrested that day but again I didn't want my boys to see their father removed in cuffs, so I called my Daddy instead. My ex is scared sh*tless of my Daddy Which is amazing to me. You have to remember this man is a trained Ranger, twice my size, if he wanted to he could over power me. I thank God he is afraid of my Daddy. To me my Daddy is a soft teddy bear but...
I slept with a pistol under my pillow for two weeks.
He stopped one Sunday morning, again we argued. I told him that he was not allowed to come to the house if he was going to argue with me because it was upsetting to the kids, he did not care just wanted me to let him come home. He couldn't understand why I was doing this.
I actually felt pity for him. He truly had no clue, he was so used to me just bring there, he though I was going to be there forever no matter what he did.
I went to stay with my brother for a while and my son was fine, playing, sleeping and eating normal. I watched for things to change but they didn't. Not until the first time he had visitation with his Dad.
Then the belly aches started but didn't last. Court order that my ex and I were not allow to contact each other. He has sent me nasty emails, threatening letters and phone messages. I even have witnesses that he has threatened my life one or two times. This was how the judge dealt with the threats.(Love our justice system btw) I called my ex's mother and told her that I would be nice if they would not talk about me when my boys were there. they could talk about me all they wanted during the week but my boys were there 2 days, the least they could do was shut up about me.
She agreed we talked for a while ended on semi nice terms. That night she told my boys I was going to hell. Sweet woman isn't she?
I have battled this from the beginning. I try to talk to him about the stomach issues we are having now. My ex knows that Austin's issues are stress related. I have told him what the dr. has said over the years after every visit. Right now he is focused on hurting me, why I don't know.
He lived near us for a while and my son was okay with that. The first over night visit was hard for him but then he doesn't like leaving me. I talked to him and told him that anytime he wanted to talk to me call, no matter the time. He was okay. Then my ex decided to move to Maryland. To my son that is so far away. He does not want to go to the visits. He hates traveling all the time. Funny though when we were 3 hours north of here he was fine coming in every other weekend to see my parents.
I talked to him about that too. He thinks his Dad is being selfish. These were not my words, I do not talk about their father when they are here. I have all weekend when they are gone to do so He said ( and I quote) " Daddy didn't even tell us ( him and his brother) about the move, he must not care if he sees us."
That broke my heart. My ex knew that in order to see them he had to be living in this area. My son know how my ex's job is and it was hard enough for him to make it to visitation pick up on time when he was 10 mins away let alone 4 hours . there are times that my ex can't even get the kids because of his long hours. He makes it known to my son that I owe him visitation and tells my son that I HAVE to give them to him when HE wants them. He make it know to my son everything and anything that happens in the court room when we go to court. He feels it is his place to tell him that I am draining him of money for child support.
My son sees how he treats gf's girls and it hurts him. When my ex moved to maryland, she went with him. They rented a Uhaul and took all their stuff down. They took nothing of my boys with them. The first two visits my boys had NOTHING, not even a bed. Now you tell me how that looks in the eyes of a child? The gf's kids had their own rooms, already done up and my boys had not even a bed. He cried for almost an hour when he cam home. Broke my heart. I sent a air mattress with him the next time they went. Okay so that was done in sheer anger I admit but I was ****** beyond sense.
You see this is how it is all the time. I talk to ex he agrees that we can be adult. Then he tells my son that I can never love him. Now that I am dating he tells my son that I am looking to replace them.....He is living with his gf and her kids and yet I am replacing my kids because i am dating?!?
My bf knows that my children come first. If he don't like it the door can hit him in the a$$ on the way out.
I tried to talk to him I have recorded phone calls between us that show I am trying ( I can't use the in court but I have them to prove to my son if I need them) He says one thing then a day or two later I have a paper for my lawyer stating that he is taking me to court one thing or another.
It is a senseless waste of my breath. Abbey my ex even took him to the er and the dr told him nothing is wrong, yet he thinks I should be doing something more than I am.
My ex is only a good person when people are watching. He is only a good parent when it suites him. He can put on one hell of a show in a court room, tears and all. You should see him in church.
I'm so afraid that I am going to screw up my son's life. I feel like one wrong decision and it all going to be my fault

First off Lisa, we are human, there is no parenting manual and we all screw up at times, its part of the deal. Our children need to know that as they make mistakes so do we, it teaches so many things, humility, compassion and bonds us closer when we are able to say 'I was wrong and Im sorry'.
I can tell you this without doubt that when your children know you love them, nothing is unforgivable. There are times I have not known what to do so Ive guessed my way through, if it hasn't worked Ive changed my strategy. Sometimes Ive just lost the plot and hated myself. Its parenting. Do not live in fear of making an irreparable mistake, you wont.

I hear what you are saying, and really theres no working it out with your ex. so its down to you and your boy.
Is your son afraid of his dad? i have asked my son this (because my son has seen him kicking off and its very scary), he told me no but then I asked what about when dads angry and he said 'a little bit'. Ive seen my sons eyes when the kicking off has gone on and its more than a little bit.

Boys specially at that age (mine will be 9 next month) do not want to admit to being scared of anything. It occurred to me that the distance thing could be playing a part, having you so far away during contact could be having an effect. in honesty I do not know how you would get round this other than you staying close by, probably not possible but it would maybe give you an indication if this was the root cause of the stomach aches (if you are close by and he doesn't have them...).

If your son does not want to go to contact then really it should change a lot, especially if you can prove that the visits are having a detrimental physical effect on your son. we have something called 'Gillick competence', it just means that a child is mature enough to have his feelings and wishes heard in court.
when there are disputes regarding parenting then we have CAFCASS officers who work for the court and they interview the child (in a very friendly way) to establish the wishes of the child, competence and ultimately what is best for the child regardless of what the parents are saying. I dont know if you have the equivalent?

Can you sit down with your boy and ask him directly what his ideal would be? if you know what he actually really wants then you have a measure to work towards. Its going to be up to both of you to work this out together because your ex is clearly not going to get on board. You have an honest relationship with your son and that is what will carry him through all the hard times. clearly you are his strength, talk to him lisa and find out if he had a magic wand, what would he change?
The situation cant continue because if it is making him ill it is very unfair.

Man people make me so angry, they just dont think (it really winds me up when its the in-laws because you'd expect them to a) know better b) have some bl***y consideration for their own grandchildren!

Lisa, your children are going to be fine because they have you. Have a chat with him and let me know how it goes, maybe he will give you an idea. But first you have to know what he really wants. Easier said than done at times!!

I had the "what do you want" talk with him. And of course like all children going through divorce he would like to see Mommy and Daddy together. He knows tha tis not going to happen and I told him that he has to just wipe that out of his mind and help me make this reality okay for him. The main thing he wants is his Dad to move back to PA. He thinks it's unfair that when I wanted to move we couldn't and yet his Dad can go anywhere he wants. He has been talking to him about going to WV. Well even though the distance is the same all my 9 year old hears is another state and it seems so much further away.
My son was upset with his Dad when the courts made us come back, he like where we were staying, it was close to my brother and the two of them have been close since the day my son was born.
As for the fear, I don't know, maybe? I wouldn't cross it off the list. If you were to meet my ex you would like him, he is very friendly ( that got him into trouble) he is polite he could charm the pants right off you (he might want to too ) But there is a dark side to him, my kids have seen it during the whole arguing days. I have seem it a few times before. He never had time to parent, that was all left up to me. The rules, the punishments everything. I can remember one time my son got smart with me, I do not allow it but he was in a mood, and my ex just sat there and laughed. I was so mad. If I would have ever talked back to my Mom and my Daddy was there I would not be here to tell about it. My Dad always expected us to respect our mother and he backed her up 100% and I just assumed that my ex should too. But if my ex was in a bad mood he would yell and call them stupid...I did not allow it and we would usually end up in a fight he would leave and not come back for a while. It happened very rare but I do believe that it effect my boys, it has too. I don't know how is gf is with her kids and maybe she allows this I did not. I don't know much about how he is living any more since he moved.
I do keep a journal of everything that happens with my ex. Everything the kids tell me. I do know when to just let things go, I do not pick at everything. " Dad is so mean he wouldn't let me have ice cream at 12 am" is not written in the journal. I do document the belly aches, when he comes home crying, his behavior when he comes home.
I just hope I know when to put a stop to it for his sake.
It would be lying for me to say I don't hate watching my kids get into his car. It's unfair, they are mine I am, the one who has given 110% of my life to them, I was the one who lost sleep when they were sick, afraid, lonely or had a nightmare. They do need their father,but it sucks that he is a jerk. I just want to make the right decision for them, not for me. ya know?

hey Lisa,

I wrote a long reply last night and then it wouldnt post because my internet was playing up

Yes I know all about the 'charm', my ex is quite a looker and he can be the most charming man in the world, women seem to que up for him. I think they like the devilish streak and want to be the one to tame him. Boy are they in for a surprise as that devilish streak will zap the life out of them.

My son would also like mum and dad back together, I have told him it will not happen but ever the optimist he tells me 'well you cant say that mum because you just never know'. Bless.

It struck me that the distance thing could be playing a major part. Your son loves his dad but in order to see his dad he has to endure a few elements of unpleasantness, the g/f's girls, the bad mouthing etc. You are clearly your sons rock and when things feel a bit unsafe you are there for him. I am wondering if the distance plays on his mind, that if things upset him at dads you are 'far away'. I dont know how you would put this to the test (a process of elimination to find the source of stomach aches)but I wonder if you were close by when he has contact if his stomach ache would start? Just a thought. With you he is secure it sounds as though things are not quite so when he's with dad.

Im struggling with the seemingly vastly different approaches to law and children in our countries. From reading on here it almost seems that the parents have more rights than the children when it comes to contact.

When there is disagreement over contact we can use CAFCASS to mediate. An officer will spend time with the child and find out what the child wants. The cafcass officer is basically a representative of the child and not the parents. The report will be submitted to the court and is presented as what is in the best interest of the child.
If the stomach aches are directly linked to seeing dad then obviously the contact or something about the contact is haveing an emotional effect on your son. Over here we would seriously look at this and try to find the cause and then put provisions in place to address the problem. Abuse can take many forms and emotional and psychological abuse are taken seriously. It may be that your ex just does not fully understand the implications or doesn't want to!
When there are concerns regarding contact we can ask for things to be put in place, for a fact we take people to court because of the bad mouthing and inappropriate things said in front of children. You have already asked decently that they don't say these things in front of your children, they have blatantly ignored you. I'm finding it difficult getting my head round your legal system when it comes to children but are you able to see your solicitor and raise your concerns asking her to write to them explaining that it is firstly inappropriate but more importantly emotionally damaging to your children. Are you able to say through your solicitor that contact will be stopped unless this is rectified?
Would the threat alone be enough?

If contact is upsetting to children and it can be proven then we put things in place to improve matters, this might mean reducing contact for a time, or putting specific conditions in place. Its not about stopping contact per se but improving the quality and sometimes looking at rebuilding parent child relationships (of course the responsibility for change lies with the parent and not the child).

Have you asked your son to be a bit of a detective and help you figure his stomach ache out? If he is involved from a different standpoint it might help. Ask him to help you by making a note of what happened just before the stomach ache started. Whatever is happening just before the onset is probably the key. Does he have stomach ache throughout the contact? Does it only start before he returns home? Was there an argument at his dads just before it started?
Knowing what precedes the stomach ache could answer quite a lot, so getting him involved is important. can you tell him its a very important job and you wonder if he is up to the challenge, because its like being a detective and doctor all in one. Can you give him a small note pad and ask him to just jot down the time and place when the stomach ache begins? Ask him if he can think of the last thing that happened or was said just before he noticed the ache. Children love to be part of a solution and getting them on board can be very helpful.

Is any of this a possibility? Lisa, where there's a will there's a way, sometimes we just have to keep looking. Let me know your thoughts.

Again thank you so much for taking the time to respond. The system here SUCKS! I feel like I am swimming up river all the time when it comes to protecting my children.
My ex was NOT stable when we first split, he was hospitalized he was to be seeing a therapist. His dr told me "Im not sure what path to advise you to take, (Joe's) walking a fine line between sane and insane. It's a waiting game to see if his anger pulls him towards insane." OKAY So why a judge would even give him rights to see my children is beyond me. But it happened, ( not legal to use a statement made by a dr unless it is written)I fought and fought but then realized that they do need him and he needed them too. I fought for them. There was no over nights and all visits were supervised at first. Then it went to 1 over night a month supervised at his parents house. Now almost 2 years later it's the normal 2 weekends a month. The same judge that ordered supervised visits also ordered counseling for my ex. I was to be given monthly reports from his therapist via attorneys and NEVER got a single report. At our last hearing in Aug the judge ( a different one) decided it was "digging up old issues" to even talk about it and she herself decided that my ex "seems to be fairly quite well with out counseling. I do not feel the need to further burden him..."
I was quite P*SSED! In the county I lived it is a "father's right " county. I think it should be children's rights every where not mother vs. father. You asked about the system and i had to answer how I felt

My son and I actually had a GREAT talk last night. He had talked to his Dad on the phone and suddenly his belly started hurting. I asked him out right if it had anything to do with talking to his Dad and he just shrugged his shoulders. Then we just started talking about everything. He is upset about the trip, it is hard on him he feels like their time is being cut short because of the drive. He said that the girls are always around and if they (the girls) don't want to do something exp:fishing, walks or throwing the football then they don't do it. He said he asked his Dad if they could do something just the 3 of them and he said he would see. He told my son that " The girls are a part of my new lif you are going to have to get used to them being around" Why on earth would you do that to your child???????
Also Lisa (yes my ex has a gf with my name, makes it easier on him if he keep us all named alike, no mistakes in bed ) has talked to my son about maybe moving there. She told him that she did it with her daughter. a month on a month off....LIKE HELL! I bit my lip through the whole talk, to the point of blood. I was so angry that he would do this to my boy. THe think that gets me most, he doesn't want my youngest. Never does my ex talk about my youngest. I told my son "Don't you ever think of leaving me, I love you too much to just give up. Your brother needs you too, We are family, the three of us"
So I have pin pointed the problem. I am going to see how all goes this weekend when he has them. COme monday if my baby cries his belly hurts. I will take him to the dr. Document it every time he comes home sick...then I will be calling my lawyer and seeing what I can do to protect my son. Not just physically but mentally to. I just don't know what else to do but love him and show him that I do care. And fight for him.

Lisa, my heart aches for you. You are right, it should be Child's Rights, but somehow my stbx, with visitation, has a rosier deal than the kids or me. How does that work? I'll be watching to see what happens after this visit.

Thank you Becky. I hope all goes good for you too.
Life sucks sometimes. There are days I wish I would have looked better at my ex before I married him. I doubt it would have helped he was wonderful for the first two years. Seems like when I got pregnant he changed...but if I would have left or not married him I wouldn't have my two boys and I love them so much I couldn't imagine life with out them.

Lisa,

Your thoughts ditto mine. I would do it all ovr again because I have been blessed with 2 great kids-I'd have ended it sooner, though How old are your boys?

9 and 6. They fight, they mouth, they make mess after mess after mess..they drive me NUTS! But I wouldn't have it any other way.
When they come to me crying, smiling or are just plain being brats I LOVE being their Mommy.
How old are yours?

Lisa, mine are 11 and 8. I love every minute of being a Mommy as well. And yes, that pretty well describes my household, except you didn't include when they're fighting! Geez!

hey Lisa,

mad dash reply till i can get some time, i just quickly popped in here.
I am ASTOUNDED that a judge could take it upon herself to assess the psychological wellbeing of your ex!!!!!!!!!!! Unless this judge is a trained psychologist in her spare time????

Im fuming at the gall. And if something went wrong (God forbid) but who the heck would be accountable?? In my opinion it would be sitting in the judges lap.

Ill get back when ive more time but honest, I cant believe it!
The safety of our children sometimes lies in the hands of complete idiots.

Im glad you had that talk and yes document and record it all, even if it drives your doctor nuts keep taking him back.

Be back later.

Abbey I myself was beyond shocked! I went into the court room very confident. I have EVERY document I needed to prove 1) he was unstable 2) he was threatening me and 3) his anger issues I walked out in disbelief that a judge ( a woman none the less) would just throw out everything I had and give him what he wanted. The first judge that heard the case had supervised visitations with counseling as an ORDER. But his lady just threw it all out.
During the end of our trial when you are asked if you have anything to add I think I blew it with this woman from here on out because I flat out told her how I felt. I just stated the truth. " When my ex goes off the deep end like the mental health doctor from the clinic thinks he will they can call you as a character witness for him since he is 'so' sane in your eyes"
Yeah my attorney said I really shouldn't have done that but I just told him that maybe he could defend my ex if he though I was wrong. I have HAD it with the system here it is so unfair.
It is just going down hill. THis weekend my son came back sick again. My ex was yelling at me for not taking him to the dr this past week. My son WAS NOT SICK ALL WEEK except for Tuesday when he talked to his Dad. I asked my son what was going on and he told me he was upset because Daddy got rid of his ferret this weekend. The girls didn't want to take care of it so OW told my ex it had to go. Well dipsh*it shouldn't have gotten my son a ferret or any other pet at his house unless HE was going to take care of it. Also he promised my son that they would finally get his dirt bike painted and put back together this weekend and of course again OW didn't want to stay at his mother so that they could get it done they didn't. It is just another example of how he puts OW and her kids first. Heck he and OW dropped my kids off at my ex's mother and went shopping. like he can't go any other time. HE has his kids 6 days a month and he leaves them and goes Christmas shopping?!? UGH It is never going to end with this man! My poor son is so confused and so hurt I don't even know where to begin on how much I HATE my ex for doing this to him. I wish he would either GROW UP or GO AWAY so that I can raise my son in a happy solid loving household.

Firstly Lisa Im sorry Im intermittant. Trouble with internet at house.

That was pretty awful getting rid of your sons ferret. Im not surprised you are furious I would be too. Sometimes Lisa all we can do is damage limitation. No contact could be a worse outcome then coping with what happens now. As a mum how do we stand by and watch hurtful things happen. The truth is we can not shield our children from every hurt and in one way it strengthens our children and helps them in later life to cope with the challenges we all have to face at some point. Cold comfort I know. You are doing what you can and thats all you can do.
Our children do not remain children and they will one day want answers of their own when they are able to understand as adults. THIS happens time and time again.

Keep recording with the gp the stomache aches. Keep talking to your son, the worst I imagine is having to deal with your own pain because nothing hurts more than seeing our children hurt.

Let me know how things go, I will certainly pop by when Im able. I know this much Lisa, that when children have at least one other trusted person in their life, they can cope with anything.

Thank You Abbey. I guess I just have to do the best I can. I played both mother and father when I was married and guess it's still my job :(
No belly aches since his last visit with Dad..one good thing, Dad called and told me he couldn't take him this coming weekend...why he didn't ask for them Friday I don't know and really don't care. This gives me more time to really see how my son acts here vs there.