Kat,

I can imagine how difficult this is. I'm so glad you have help in dealing with this auction, and I can tell you are grateful for it. Speaking only for myself, it is often difficult for me to really appreciate all the people who have offered kindness or support during the heartbreak. Somehow, I can feel the pain of every little gesture or thought concerning the stbx, but when a very well-meaning friend offers support, it doesn't always sink in. I am working on that -- letting the positive in.

The stages to getting through this mess just seem to keep on coming. Sometimes when there isn't even a real issue to deal with, (like court or selling a house or property), our minds continue to bring more to the table. I am now convinced that we have to fight for our own peace of mind, though that sounds strange.

The reason he "hates you": him. And in actuality, he doesn't hate YOU. He hates himself. He is an immature and an unsolvable puzzle. Do whatever you can to keep him from draining any more of your energy. There are no answers -- that is the answer to all the "whys" we are all struggling with when it comes to being broken-hearted. Hard to accept, but the more I remind myself, the more I see that it is true.

You are going to make it and look back in wonder at how strong you were.

Hey, if you weren't strong you wouldn't have made it to this point! Being strong doesn't mean you don't have emotions. It totally is not fair he is doing nothing and gets half. I just heard from my attorney and after my stbx screwed me financially and left me with enormous debt, I could end up owing him a cash settlement of over $15,000! We'll make it, won't we?

Thanks so much for the responses. Sometimes it helps to know someone feels like you do. Racheal you are so right about the part where he hates himself. I guess I have known that for years and tried to find out why and help him through it. But he would never co operate in any counseling or anything. Everything was some one else' fault. Even our children, he blames. He has gone so far as to say our son, who passed away 3 yrs ago, wasnt even his child. I think his saying that let him off the hook to have to go through the grief process. But that is the one thing I will never forgive him for.
I will get thru this, it is just so sad.

This is probably not the right advice, who knows! But gee whiz if he isn't there at the auction. I would be inclined to have some very expensive items put away in the back somewhere and sell them myself to the highest bidder!

I would too Denise. But I'm sure it's not the right thing to do

had the same thought, but I need to get as much as possible out of the auction, so I can counter balance
my home which I want to keep. I raised all my kids here and have made a beautiful memorial pond in memory of my son here.

Thinking of you. Hope all goes well.

It will be over kat and you will have survived another challenge making you even stronger.
While they run, we stand and fight.
In the end we will have grown as human beings.

Good luck. Do something nice for yourself when its done, you jolly well deserve it.

Thanks so much everyone, just talking to someone helps.