I don't know your exact situation, but when my ex moved out to be with his girlfriend I had two young boys and myself to take care of. This was a major thing for us because their father chose to have an affair, he chose to be with her, he chose to leave and although he claimed to only be deserting me, as they all do, they really walk out on a family and life they have put together throughout the years. Anyways, to get to the point. I knew my boys and I needed help in understanding this all and in learning how we could help each other. I found a counselor that would take my boys for a time and then have me for a time and then have us all together for a time so that we each had private time and group time. It helped us greatly to get some things out and validate what we felt and that it was okay to feel the way we did.

Of course their father wanted to jump right in to, but I told him we needed time without him at first because he was not facing what the three of us were. We were feeling abandoned, betrayed and put into a huge change without having any say in the situation. He on the other hand would never understand all this and it would have made the boys feel uncomfortable to express things with him there. He finally agreed with me. Later on we all had family counseling, him, the boys and myself.

I think counseling show the courts you are willing to reach out for help in times of stress...not a weakness, but a strength. You could handle this badly with, drugs, alcohol, depression or breakdowns, but instead you are seeking help from a professional that may also have evidence to help you in court someday as well. My counseling along with the boys did not affect custody....Both my ex and I agree we would try and do what was best for the children first...even though he was a world class jerk to me at times he does love our boys. For this he is not on the bottom of my list. Don't let your husband's actions make you fearful of reaching out for help. You may learn more than you think at counseling.

Susan

Any LCP-MH certified person should be able to help you. Family Therapy is also a good idea. I know when I get through mine, I'll need to have someone to talk to.

MC

Hi Denise, I would say counseling would help and not make things worse. I'm currently going through a divorce, thank goodness there are no children involved but i've been to counseling twice. The first time my soon to be ex came with me and he didnt get anything out of it. The second time i went by myself. The counselor told me that he was selfish and didn't care anything about me and the best thing for me to do is to LET HIM GO. I didn' want to hear that but thats what i'm in the process of doing. I know in the long run this will be best for me.

Hi Denise,

Counseling is a very empowering and validating resource, and I hope you can find a good therapist to help you work through this process. Since you are concerned about your privacy, is there any reason you would have to disclose it to anyone if you did start seeing someone? Also, I can't imagine any judge or court in this day and age, looking upon it as anything but a positive thing. In fact, they may court- order your ex to seek counseling for his issues!

Good Luck and stay strong!

Hi Denise,

I work alongside a psychotherapist and we often write letters of support for women who are in court for exactly the reason you stated. A judge will rather take opinion from a professional than an ex partner who cries 'she has mental health issues'.

Get all the support you need. By not doing, he is still controlling you.
We all need support at some time and it will always work in your favour recognising that. Good luck.