even though it is easier for him to go, doesnt make it happen. It took quite a few times before my husband finally left. For almost two years, i stayed in the house while he lived at his aunts. But I couldnt afford to stay in the house. I moved out in august and he moved back in with his brother and two other guys. Although I am having a hard time paying the bills, at least i dont have to see him. I drop the kids off and try not to go in when i do (i did last weekend and it was very hard on me to see my house turned into a bachelors pad). The thing is, I still have to deal with his controlling nature. he is not paying full child support and i still have to deal with the kids not wanting to see him because he does nothing with them. I thought that if he moved back into the house and rented rooms out, he would pay the mortgage and have no reason not to be able to take the kids every other weekend. He isnt paying the mortgage as far as i know, not paying me the full amount of support and not being a better dad to the kids when he has them. I am hoping things will get better, but like you, i have my good days and bad days, today is not a good day, dont want to do anything. I feel like i am making decisions and trying to move on, but there always seems to be something that brings me down. I just wish i could get a really good job so I wont have to rely on his support. I have no health insurance so when we get divorced I lose being on his plan. If he files, I will go through with it, but I am worried on how the drama of the divorce will do to me emotionally, going to court for child support was hard enough on me. I dont know how much more i can take. On my good days, I try to keep busy. When the kids were with him I made a railing all myself for my daughter's loft, carved pumpkins and cleaned my house. My older daughter came home and we went to the movies together, it was a good weekend. But now I sit and worry about decisions i have made and what will happen in the future. it seems i have so much to do but today i feel like doing nothing at all.
wow, I so understand. I feel like sometimes if he would leave then everything would be better. I too have kids and don't want to take them out of their home. I am also going to school, but it will take at least 3 more years for me to make my goal to get a job to make enough money to be on my own....... I sometimes feel like giving up and just accept the circumstance I live in because he doesn't physically abuse me and he makes enough for us to get by, but every time I do he does something to make me want to leave more so I keep chugging along. I just wish there was a quicker way to get this over with.
Jen, I wish I had better news for you, but it is a long and hard road. That doesn't mean it's not worth it, though! Through the challenges of the divorce there is also acceptance and healing. The more I see the jerky side of my stbx show its face through this process, the more thankful I am to be where I'm at-out! Keep faith.