OK here is probably more of the same but anyway. Spouse is a habitual drinker. The straw and camel's back thing just happened Sunday. I came home after visiting my grandchildren and smelled burning coming from the house and saw one of his guns on the patio table. I didn't go in but called him and finally saw him on the sofa. He came to and was obviously drunk, food on sovetop burning and he had been shooting at stray cats in the yard. I have been emotionally removed from this marriage for a while. We have a home in my name only and I financed both vehicles in my name only. To be perfectly honest he couldn't get a loan for a roll of toilet paper, unless of course you count those 30% interest money loan places which he has 2 loans from. I have tried over the past 11 years to help him with his credit rating and each time I find out he takes one of those loans, borrows from his 401K. I even traded in a car years ago so he could get a vehicle in his name to further help his credit. That vehicle was repossessed due to lack of payments. I feel stupid but I kept hoping. As I said Sunday's activities were the last straw.

I can pay my own mortgage but can't afford the 2 car loans. I have no other debt and I won't be responsible for his ignorant financial decisions. I know he wouldn't be able to get a loan for a mortgage or a car payment. He makes a good salary and I just retired 7 months ago.

What am I facing in SC.

I can't answer for you what you're facing in SC, but I certainly understand that feeling of feeling stupid. Having the same thoughts today. It's not our fault they are jerks that don't know the truth if it clobbers them on the head. (Now there's an idea .) I can think back to the beginning and realize that my stbx was deceitful then. When you are in a relationship you cannot spend all of your energy questioning the other person's sincerity; if we did we'd never have a decent relationship of any kind. Sometimes someone takes a risk and it works out well for them-we just found huge LOSERS! My Loser has really messed up my credit. I let him do it-not intentionally, but I did enable him. I can't go back and undo what has been done so I know I need to focus on getting back on my own 2 feet. Somedays it's easier to do than others. Today-not so much...

Good luck to you, Emotionally Removed.

I am so soory that you have to deal with the drinking. I too have just left my husband becasue of his drinking and his verbal abuse. I have been told that I am nothing, no man would want me, he even threw my clothes out the door on top of thrash. He has never had a relationship with our three children and now all of a sudden he is calling ans wanting to talk with them. I tell them that this is between me and their father so just don't hold it against his, but inside I want to say that he was never there and that I have always been there. That you know your father verbally abused you too and notw he wants to be ther father he should have been for years. I want to say why do you even talk to him, just let him go on his way and leave all of us alone but instead I try and be the bigger person. God help us all!

Kennedy, how old are your kids? My stbx hasn't really abused the kids, but he's never parented them either. He as occasionally "friended" them, but not parented. And then all of a suddent he wants to be Super Dad. Really? It's beginning to fade. It won't be long and he will be back his old ways. Old habits aren't that easy to break! Your kids know. They are hurting right now and probably confused, but they know who's there for them. My kids come to me when they have a problem or need to talk. They know who they can count on. I am their stability and security. My oldest even refused to go to the counselor if my stbx was going to take him. What does that tell ya? Keep being the bigger person...your kids will remember that, too. Keep your faith.

my kids are 26, 19, and 13. They know what their dad did and my oldest even called the poloce twice on her dad because she was afraid that he was going to kill me. So many threats. i have moved out and now I find out that he is calling. My oldest said t hat she want me to be happy and also her dad. the kid are not hurting because they know what I when through. They are actually happy that I am out but want me to make my own decision on if I want to divorce or not. not based on what they say.Our oldest is finish with two degress and living on her own, out 19 year old is in college in washington and I have our 13 year old. There is an order of protection for me and my 13 year old, so for six months we are safe. Within the six months I must make up my mind on if I want a divorce or what. I really want to buy a house put credit is a problem. Do you know of a good broker that can help?

I am still in our marital home, but will be losing that. My stbx has destroyed my credit. One of my biggest stresses is housing. So, I, too, am trying to figure out options. No way I'll be able to borrow a penny...

Sorry to hear! what about family, can they help? I am blessed that my family is a great support for me but they can not keep it up for long for they have their lives to live.

Yes, I have a great support system. Unfortunately, none of them have much money! LOL! You're right, we feel like we can only "dump" on them so much.

As to what to do, what I have read is that it is common to have to file bankruptcy post divorce, this is from housing & credit counseling website, in who files divorce section. Of course people don't talk about it, for obvious reasons, but it is NOT UNCOMMON to have to do so if need be. I most certainly don't advocate it, however if you are not able to make ends meet, soon to be ex/ bum type husband ie, that won't pay a penny, & you have little other choice, I do beleive one usually can keep their home.
OF COURSE it's a horrible option & even filing costs $, but it IS an option at times one can consider.
It wipes slate clean as to debt, & also relieves the stress of having to continually go to court if the spouse that one divorces is irresponsible & doesn't intend to help out.
I cannot believe how many people told me this when I went through my divorce & I found out, these ARE facts & sometimes a person's only real option.
May be something to consider...

Bankruptcy is an option I am giving serious consideration to. I have an appointment with my attorney next week. I have NEVER missed a payment in my life-until now. It is scary and frustrating, not to mention embarassing. But I can only control what I can control, and this is something I have lost control of.

Becky, I just searched, "having to file bankruptcy after divorce." I am not sure about posting links here, but if you google that, there's one link that it's almost inevitable that bankruptcy goes hand in hand many times in divorce. I am quite shocked & it's very humbling, to learn what I have in the divorce. Also, my ex didn't pay on his part of the debt. I think one does what they have to, after weighing all options.
God Knows All & The Truth in what we are going through.

Hey, MovingOn, thanks for the information-and support.

Becky, you're welcome. Something I'm finding through this divorce & in life, is making sure to take one day at a time & not project too far ahead. There are things that I have to deal with that are just more than I am able to almost think about, but if I just set the smaller goals & leave some to later on, helps. There are issues that resolve themselves, some I am able to actually deal with without any trouble whereas maybe a month earlier I would not have, etc. It all works out for HIS GLORY in the end.
Some days I need a really big telescope, others I can just open my eyes.. (to see The Glory).
at least Heaven there will be, "no more pain or sorrow."