I try to work on packing but I keep crying, so I get out into public, the tears stop for as long as I am there but I have to come back, to this place where there was love, but abusive love as well. I try to focus on what he did to hurt me, but it all hurts. I don't want a divorce I wanted him to have help, but my actions of finally standing up for myself is going to lead it. I miss him, but I need to move on, and I can't stop crying to figure out how. I'm only 26, I dealt with abuse with my mom too, and I feel like I only exist to be the worlds punching bag. Someone help me, will it be okay? Or am I doomed for a whole life of sadness since thats all I have had so far?
Your question is, "will I be ok?" Yes.
If you have done all you can do, & your husband does not want the marriage, this is nothing you can do in that situation.
One can always make changes in themself, if you are in danger, then that is a big deal, but as to will you be ok? Sure.
One of the most painful experiences is isolation & feeling unloved. An abuser goes to great lengths to keep things status quo. They need victims, we need love. They want things to stay the same at home front but will make great effort to have new girlfriends, lie etc. Growth within the marriage is something foreign to an abuser. They seek victims not love.
Sure, you'll be fine. Relationships are VITAL to our well being. Hence the word RELATE.
It might be tough, but are you in relationship now?
I wouldn't make hasty decisions unless you are in danger, but if you believe that your husband does not want the marriage & has made that clear etc., you are a bit forced to make the decisions for both of you.
Stay connected with others. Yes, you'll be fine.
There are many of us (divorced) out there that absolutely did not want this! But we are forced into, through our spouse's desires & choice.
Wow, you should be SO proud of yourself for standing up for yourself at such a young age! I also considered myself a 'punching bag', it seemed like when someone had a bad day (also including my mother), I was there to take it. You know what, God did NOT put us here for that reason!! It is sad that some people feel the need to take out their sadness and frustrations by hurting others. You are absolutely not doomed for a life of sadness and the fact that you are standing up for yourself now is proof. People will treat you as you allow them. You don't let them treat you like a punching bag, they won't. Get rid of all people who think you deserve to be treated that way. You are worth so much more, only allow good people who care about you into your life. I am 39 and only now starting to take these steps, and I know there are people older than me still struggling with it. Break the cycle of abuse. You can do it and believe me lots of good, kind people will come into your life. I can see that now for myself, and I can also see that I blocked these people out of my life when I was younger because it was not familiar, only the pain and abuse felt normal. Keep going, you are on your way to a much happier life!
Keep going through those tears. You are young and will recover.
You must pray for God's guidance in what you should do.
Go and ask for help. There are agencies that will provide help for you.
You are in a cycle of abuse. You think that that is all you deserve. Wipe those tears and start walking. You are valuable and a queen.