Reaching out to friends is good. I would hold off on the male friends for now.

As for the religious aspect, it all depends on what denomination you are...

Thanks. I do feel I need to be more grounded before gathering male friends. The ex was abusive & it's taking me time to get my life back on track.
I do feel open to people's input in regards. I've had some that are really pushing me toward the male friendships/dating, but just not sure what to do.
I've never been divorced before so I feel I am treading on unchartered territory & also spiritually, in re remarriage.
I didn't want to be in this state (divorced) & so feel I need help in working through this part.
I appreciate your reply.

I fought so hard for my marriage-not because my stbx was so great but rather because I believe so strongly in the marriage vows. I finally quit fighting, and one day when he once again mentioned divorce, I told him he was free to go at anytime. He moved out a week later. I wish I were through the divorce process and looking back can track a period 7 or so years ago when it probably should have ended. On the other hand I can sleep at night knowing I did what I could do. I believe God is OK with me in and what has happend, and I believe that if the time ever comes it will be OK for me to date and remarry. I also know I have a lot of healing to do before that time comes. Best wishes.

Becky, thanks for sharing your story. It's helpful to hear from others in regards to this.
I also fought hard to save my marriage but he didn't want it. It seems that some go into marriage not really wanting to commit but more with an idea they should be married for how it's percieved, "being with someone." That the vows are meaningless to them.
I'm with you, "till death do you part," meant just that to me.
I guess I am finding it a bit scarey to take risks after going through what was abuse & complete disregard for my life by another human being. I know life one has to push ahead & be in relationship to /with others but maybe divorce just does that to a person.
Part of me wants to date & remarry as the opportunity has presented itself, another part wants to just say, been there done that & go onto other things, but life's not that simple.

My 2 cents(take it or leave it):
We all need friends, male or female. I have always seemed to connect with males more than females. I have male FRIENDS that seem to understand me better than my female friends. The thing about it is you have to determine if they are being there for you or to get into your pants. My best friend is a male. He listens to me, he doesn't judge me and he could care less about what is in my pants..or for that matter what is not.... I learned the hard way (divorce)the ones I thought were my friends were not, funny how most of my female friends walked away. So as for having males as friend, I don't see a problem with it. Now dating is a different story. That all depends on you. Don't feel forced to date. It's not your friends/family/coworkers life so they shouldn't push you. Me, well I am dating and enjoying it. I was alone for YEARS in my marriage. I do not think sex is out there just yet for me..yet My ex thought that sex was the foundation of a relationship and I think that a mental connection is more important. You can date with out sex, shocker!!
Now the religion aspect...that is a tricky one. I was raised in a christian home. God does hate divorce, and for good reason. I look at what it has done to my life and to the life of my children..and my friends, family, any one involved in my life and it SUCKS. When I stood in that church on April 4,1998 I vowed in front of my friends, my family and more importantly God that I would love and cherish my husband until death due us part....my ex did too. May 15, 2001 My ex forgot all about those vows when he slept with another woman. It broke my heart. I didn't know what to do..I choose to forgive him because marriage isn't easy. I made a promise to my husband and to God that I would see this marriage through until I died...for years I prayed that God would help my ex see the blessings he had in front of him, for years my ex continued to drink, cheat and lie. How can you keep forgiving that? In the Bible is says to turn the other cheek....but at what cost? I was losing who I was, I was becoming a very dark angry person. My faith was failing. I think that when your marriage is destroying who you are and what you believe in then it is time to get out. God is a forgiving God. I think that if I would have listened closely to what God wanted for me in the begining I would never have married my ex...but I did and now I am paying the price for not listening. Do I believe that I am to live alone for the rest of my life? I don't know, I guess when bridge of remarriage surfaces I will deal with that...
I will never forget the words Momma said to me when i told her about my decision to leave my ex..."Life does not come with a map,Baby, there are bends in the road that we can not see past. But God does,He has a good view. So put your trust in him and he will direct you toward the right path. But be prepared, there is also a price to be paid for the path your life has already taken. It will not be easy but I will be there for you and will always love you, so will God."
Everyone should have a Momma like mine

Thanks for the reply. I am sort of with you that for some reason I have connected more easily with males, they seem to reach out to me more readily. I have worked hard to have both female & male friendships as a single person. I hear you, one can have a friend without sex. I am Christian & don't believe in sex outside of marriage (cause it's fornication), so just a little effort goes a long way with that.
I think for me right now, it's just adjusting to being divorced, the idea of it & what next. I had it down pact as a single person, was adjusting to married life, happily, but now divorced, seems like new territory.
I also hear you about the path our life has taken does affect us like it or not.. Frankly, if your husband cheated I do think the bible states that you can remarry. However, I also believe that The Holy Spirit gives each person the ability to interpret the scripture & thus be held accountable. I have heard many versions of The Word /interpretation of, as to remarriage after divorce. There's almost as many interprets as their is flavors of koolaid. Not to make light of scripture but that I do know it's up to each one to decide & then held accountable to God, as it should be.
I am strong as to dating & saying no to sex outside of marriage but I guess I am feeling so unsure of this new title, divorced, that I am guarded. I have a feeling one relaxes & then begins taking risks again as life calls for, & when we are living in The Word.. so that we are, "not alone," etc.
My ex was very abusive, the worst of the worst, a psychopath & fits almost every one of the descriptions. I think I am healing from the abuse too.
I very much appreciate all of the input here. I wanted to get various opinions/thoughts & it is helpful.
As I say, it's weird because I felt strong & sure of myself as a single person, then also married, I was confident & happy. But this is unchartered territory, needing adjustment time for me. that's probably what it is.
Yes, you are blessed with a good mom! I have wonderful parents as well. They are supportive, loving & I know I'm fortunate. I also believe that sometimes these special awesome people in our lives that we do appreciate & love so much, & don't go away are the GodSend for us. Whether it's family, friends, children, a spouse.. there are typically blessings & not to be discounted!
Thank you again, for the reply/ies here. It's very helpful to me right now especially!

God Bless!

Oh my goodness, Lisa, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. My Mom was killed in a farm accident a few years ago, and how I wish she were here to see me through this!

I'm sorry for your loss Becky. I "hated" my Momma when I was a teen. We butted heads ALL THE TIME! I was actually moving to Georgia after school, we could not live together. God opened my eyes to just how special my Momma was. I got sick was in the hospital for over a month, I was 90lbs when they sent me home. I couldn't do anything with out help. My Momma had to bath and dress me all over again. She showed me such love during that time. We really bonded. I talk to my Momma every day.

Becky, I'm sorry for your loss also.
It's difficult enough going through a divorce, then loosing a parent on top of that can be really tough.
My folks are getting up there in age & I have been very conscious of this lately as well. We have a history with our family too.. which is bonding.
Praying for you..

If there is a silver lining...I am now closer to my dad than I have ever been, and if my mom were alive I know it wouldn't have been the same with him. I know my mom is looking over me, but how I wish she were HERE! Thanks for the kind notes.

Finding the silver lining is soooo hard when your hurting isn't it??!!

Yes, it is (hard to find silver lining when hurting).
I was just thinking about you comment here.
You know the story Joseph & the multicolor coat.
Isn't it true that in our pain & loss, that sometimes we are able to see in more color because of what has transpired with us, not that it is what was God's Will, even necessarily, but that we wanted the marriages to work most of the time (most of us & despite the circumstances), but even though silver is difficult enough (lining) to see, but when we do, the colors are more brilliant, dimensional, multiple.
Your comment reminded me of the scripture of Joseph.

"Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him." - Genesis 37:3,4

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." - Philippians 4:11