Oh, Sad, I've been where you are...in my room by myself crying while he completely ignored me. Those were the loneliest days of my life. I'm not thrilled with the challenges of divorce, but I am truly happier now than I was then. Hang in there. Hugs.

Dear Sad,
I had a marriage in name only.My x would totally ignore me. I had to ask him to make love to me he said one time...ok I am a man.We are divorce right now it still hurts. I have been gone for five years he has not called me once.

It sounds like your husband has no respect for you which is what love involves. His mother should not be comforting him while he is talking badly about you.

Like the previous poster said go to a sheltor. I stayed with my husband for our daughter and because I had no money. (We didn't have any money together either)Anyway, I went to transitional housing for women and children. I lived there for 1 1/2 years. Paid very low rent had a counselor there also. I left making $700 a month. You can do it to. I must warn you that emotions will be up and down even after years.

You must be in prayer you will see how God will bring you through.

God bless you

Ashyah, great post. I know you are not advocating divorce or telling Sad to leave, but that when you did, you found help & not only survived but thrived because of the help. I think just knowing that, hearing it from others, the options, is good to hear.
God Does often give us choices when we are going through struggles. At the time we may feel overwhelmed, but at each turn choices. It's funny that I often find them coming in 3's.
It's hard to be patient when in transition too.
But it's the journey toward salvation we are on..
Some days it feels like someone tossed a 100 weight on my shoulders, but heck one day I will be stronger & probably be able to release extra weight as well.

Thanks for you mail.. My husbands Mom got upset with me when I went to her house for 2 weeks while my husband was in training.. He told me to tell her to put me on his bank account and since than she have change.. And after couple days she kick me out from her house..(me being in U.S. for a month) My husbands uncle took me so I stayed with him and his wife. My husband just told me sorry that you had to go through this with my mom and that was it.. after a while we said that he knows how I can get.. so he was like no matter where you go there is trouble.. Well I came back home and stayed. Now she is trying to get beetween me and my husband. His family is crazy they are Church people Pastor's MInister's etc. But I cant see the love of God in them neither in the Family-Church. They are fake. I dont want to get in trouble with God for saying this but they are..
I know that my Husband is loving me but the family is trying to get into our marriege.

I am trying my best believe me. In everything that I am doing. I did my license. Got me a job, took a english class.
Now I am saving money for my car.
End of this month I will do my green card $545.
And if things not working out I will see what I can do.. One thing I know I am done with my husbands family after this.

Can anybody go to this sheltors? My husband is not beating me. What kind a place is that? I am not from U.S. so I dont know anything about sheltor.

Sad, I think it's a place you would want to go to if you have exhausted all avenues in your relationship & you feel unsafe, whatever that is to you. It can be emotional/verbal abuse, does not have to be physical abuse.
It's a rough road to leave & end up in a place like this, there are usually no private rooms! so it's like dormatory style, etc. BUT when a person is in a dangerous situation it's often an option.
There are 1800 phone numbers for domestive violence & then they can tell you where shelters are in your area. It's a good idea to keep these #'s handy if you are concerned!
I guess from what you say, I am not sure if he is telling you What it is he is desiring. I think this is important with couples.
OK, so he doesn't like it if you are out late, that might be nice & innocent but that he doesn't want you with friends. Why not? Does he say why? Does he feel you talk badly about him behind his back, does he want you to spend time with him going out, or is it that he just wants to complain? Is he ever happy with you? It sounds like you are unable to work through the problems, but also that you are not even sure what exactly he does want. I think that is important to define then work on. If that's the issue that he is not sharing what he wants & needs & this takes on abuse, that you are left in dark as to what will please him (because he is not sharing) then that is abuse.
My ex played mind games & silent treatment. The smallest thing set him off. He seemed to enjoy being angry with me & there was no way I could please him, or that he would define what he wanted from me & work toward resolution. The marriage just seemed a sham to me in his eyes, even though I knew he loved me.
He just didn't care. That's the story of his life though. SO, I think personally it's important to define what it is one wants/needs then ask to work on together to meet each other's needs. That's the way healthy marriages do it.
Most domestic violence shelters have counselors too, that you may be able to talk with to see if it is abuse that you are dealing with.
Keep praying!

Well he does not like me bein out there. A maaried woman should be not out when it gets dark.. and he is telling me that I once told him that I would never go out etc. But I never told him that. Sure I will not go out to clubs etc. but what is wrong with going out to dinner with my girls? Its just hard you know..
Well things was working good since Saturday.. right now we had a fight.. We was talking..I told him couple things about work.. what my co workers talk about and he is turning the words around like I said the things.. Anyhow he start getting loud and I said if you contine to be loud I am going to bedroom.. and he was still loud so I left.. now he is playing his game and I am mad/upset/ he is mad... I am hurt.. I am trying and this is what I get.. What is wrong with me? Is it all my faul? Do I need help? Am I crazy?

At least you calling on God, He is the only one that WILL get you out of this dire situation. Pray my dear, and the Lord will start to arrange things in the background in your favor. I run a life coaching business that helps women like you obtain their goals in life, if you need my help, please don't hesitate to contact me deannafreeman@live.com, I would love to help you in anyway I can.....blessing to you always
deanna

Deanna, how neat, your work. That would be a dream job I think!

Sad, I too think that it sounds as if he is just wanting to argue with you. That it's not about trying to work through anything but that he is angry & taking it out on you.
After dark. What about if where you are it gets dark at 5:30 p.m. or earlier? what then?
Does he want you in bed too?
To me it's a lot bigger than that, you are saying he is fighting with you, & for no good reason than to upset you. My ex did this, continuously. It was pointless, unGodly, and destroys a marriage (it did).
He was just mad all the time & I guess he got so sick of his own anger he ran (from himself).
I would definitely get some intervention & yes, keep praying. Don't allow him to shut you down!
We are God's children.

I hope that will never come that he want me to be in bed by 0530 pm... I would freak out.. I really dont know how to get this marriege work... I am cleaning cooking do everything else what have to be done.. after or before work.. All he is doing is get up in the morning go to work come back home everthing is done ..he eats take a shower and he can relax.. and I am still cleaning the kitchen washing or something in the house,.. than go to bed.. and get up in the morning at 0400 am for work.. I really dont know ho much longer I can take this...

Thank you for your e-mail. I may write you just in case I need help. I am sitting here and thinking what I am doing wrong in my marriege. But I cant find anything..for now. After his game he got on the phone with his mom.. once again.. I hate it.. I really do! But I will focus on my things what I have to take care of.. and be focus on my dreams. I know there is love but we (my husband and I) will be not that much together.. what I think.. Its sad but I cant change it.. If I could believe me I would.. I got married to this man because I was looking up to him.. Saw God in him.. love joy etc.. but it's gone.. All what is left is joy and love for couple days.. till we get into it again.. I cant take it any more..