Re: Who of you went to marital counseling before divorce? How long? Who initiated?
I begged my ex to go to counseling years ago. He refused becuse "Nothing was wrong with out marriage" LIKE HELL! He cheated, he lied and I hated him...great make up for a long happy marriage
When i left him he begged me to go, I refused. I had enough of his empty promises, I didn't want to sit in a room and listen to him cry about how muych he loves me one day thenteh next go cry to his GF about how bad I treat him.
Re: Who of you went to marital counseling before divorce? How long? Who initiated?
LisaH, I'm just picturing the poor counselors too, listening to different versions & trying to piece together fact from fiction. Sounds like you are into reality, me too. Think that's why a lot of marriages fail. When at least one partner is realistic the false doesn't usually work ongoing.
Healing isn't easy through this but at least dealing in terms of facts not fiction does help!
Re: Who of you went to marital counseling before divorce? How long? Who initiated?
Hey Jean,
First of all, I apologize for not replying to you sooner as I have been out of town. My heart really goes out to you. Talk about a controller (I recognized the behavior right away). My ex too did some of the things you said your husband is doing. At the end of the day when Love, Respect and those things you mention have long gone, there is no reason to remain in the relationship - this is totally up to you what you do but I am sensing that you (above all) need private counseling (just a suggestion because you specifically said "I don't want to cause problems", just like I said 7 years ago, which in turn tells me that you need to get stronger and maybe move on in your life (especially if there is no love in thye relationship. If however, you do want to work things out and your husband's behavior is getting better (through counceling) you may find it in your heart to resolve the problems but from what I read from you, it looks like a long, difficult path (the separate bank account story and suspecting that he may have cheated on you would worry me). The other thing is when your husband was yelling at you while you had cancer and of course the sex situation. I have definitely related to many things you said here.
Are you trying to get things to improve in your relationship with your husband OR are you afraid of leaving and possibly being alone for a period of time??
Next time, I will tell you more about my story with my ex. I don't want to overwhelm you right now with all kind of information.
You take good care of yourself and KNOW thatyou are not alone (even if sometimes it feels like we are alone) but many of us went through these things... it may not always be the exact story but the betrayals, hurt, abuse is the same or very similar.