Hi Lisa, I'm so sorry you are going through this & I so hear you as to what you are saying. It doesn't make any sense. God Hates Divorce but I think that some, it's all they know & are not willing to walk through the inevitable struggles of any & every marriage! Some people want to be single I think but they are not in touch with this, so they are in & out of marriage/s.
I wanted to stay married too & it made virtually no sense to me that my husband wanted a divorce either.
BUT, one can't control another's decisions, or their head, or heart, whatever it is that's pulling or pushing them.
Your concern in regards to being alone, I think it's tough, being happily married now divorced. I've heard this said too, that those that were not happy seem to be more happy alone. Again, some of that may be the individual/ personalities.. but I guess I took my vows seriously, as it sounds like you did.. & when spouse wants out.. what can you do?
not much.
As to being alone & feeling alone. I don't feel alone. But I want more going on in my life & I think that just takes time. I am very peaceful in myself, I am not lonely. The efforts I'm having to put into starting over to me seems odd & that makes me mad (at ex) for what he did. BUT, again, what can one do?
My own thoughts are that each person is to be held accountable to God for their actions/decisions in life. Just because we are one in a marriage, doesn't mean that our souls will be judged the same. Thus I think that ex seems to be on this immature life path of marrying/divorcing/ wanting what he can't have, sex & more sex.. Christian or not, he thinks he is entitled, he lies & cheats. SO, the bible says that let the sinners keep on sinning. How can they sin if they are married & commited & working on a marriage?
That doesn't mean they are going to hell, but I do believe that our souls will be judged. & some that are true to God & want to live by HIS WORD, actually repell those that are not on the same path, to follow HIM.
I've made peace with me through the divorce but revamping my life is quite a job! I think you'll be fine. I've heard it said here, & elsewhere, when we try, give it all we have & the other person quits, we rest well ongoing knowing this. I think it's true.
There are SO many divorced, unwanted divorce.
But think too about, "narrow is the gate," the, "great falling away," etc. There are Always choices in life. I think you will have a great deal of peace in your heart & in your life. There is a lot of work in divorce, it's very difficult, but the peace you have now, I believe will remain. It will be filling time as a divorced person. But you know what? You were successful married because you were happy & worked it. So I believe you will be the same divorced. It was not your desire.. God Knows All.
God Bless you.

Lisa, I, too, was blindsided when my stbx asked for the divorce. He had threatened it many times before, but always went back to acting as though nothing had been said about divorce.. Honestly I thought it was just another one of his explosions when he told me the last time he wanted a divorce. It's been 7 months now since he moved out. I have a lot of things to work through yet, and I fully understand the fear that comes with all of that. What I do know is that it takes 2 to make the marriage work, and when my stbx quit working on it things went from bad to worse to over. The first few weeks are the worst...it really does get better. Of course it's a roller coaster ride and there will be plenty of downs as well, but you will soon be able to see some options for your self and a bit of light at the end. Hugs.

Lisa,
I am so sorry to hear that.
Losing a relationship is like going through mourning.
Have you tried counseling?Sometimes a seperation may be in order till both sides have time to think and calm down. But, of course you both must stay true to each other.
I say pray and ask God for guidance about what to do. I divorced my husband after many many years of him showing me in different ways that it was over. I pray that it turns out better for you.
Divorce is terrible to go through. Even after over a year on a day like today it is hard for me.

Counseling, well he started going about 1 1/2 weeks before he asked for a divorce. I am not sure that he will ever go back. I was only able to have one session before my world was rocked. I had already had another session scheduled when he asked me and he told me he would go with an open mind. Well I am sure that was told to me just to shut me up. We went and he didn't have an open mind and there is no changing his mind. I understand now that changing his mind will not make this better. I am at the stage now I am trying to accept his decision for us and move on.
One of our issues was that he was going out all the time and I was just sitting at home. Once he asked for the divorce he has gone to the extreme and I have only seen him twice since he asked me and we are still living together. The hardest part is knowing that he doesn't even want to be around me. I want this to be a civil transaction and I am working as hard as I know how to continue it this way. It is hard for me to stop acting the way I have (in a naggy and needy way) which is one of the many issues he has with me. I want him to be here and I want to spend time with him because I feel as soon as I move out the next section of our lives will begin and he won't be apart of that.
So to answer your question we had only a few counseling sessions before the request for divorce. I am actually searching for a new counselor because I was not happy at all with the other. I should have an appointment soon. I know I need to continue to see a counselor to help me through this and help me better myself as a person. There are days when I feel strong and I am ready to take the next step and move out. But I know when it comes down to it, I am so scared and the fear is high. I have never lived by myself and that scares me more than anything.