Oh, yay. The ex is getting married. NEXT WEEK.

Did he have the guts to tell me? Nope. My kids told me. Adding insult to injury, he had our oldest son PROOFREAD THE WEDDING VOWS!! How could he ever think that was OK? I am sure he did it because he knew my son would tell me. Therefore, he wouldn't have to be A Man and tell me himself.

Jerk. The worst part, besides the emotional trauma to my son, is that I now feel betrayed all over again by him...especially since he is giving the ***** the wedding ceremony I was told (by the other woman he was sleeping with at the time, ironically) I wasn't "allowed" to have because (wait for it) I'm supposedly "not Native American". (As a matter of fact, I am...and have more and nearer heritage than she does!) But I digress.

If he is getting married, and giving the OW the ceremony that I wanted, then doesn't it seem to follow that he should have been decent enough to tell me himself?

First I would like to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through.. To start the process of a divorce and then go thru it to the end takes a lot of strengh. Then to find out he is seeing another woman who he may be making happy and doing things that if had done with you perhaps the marriage would have made it. Now he is getting married. You have been though more than you are giving yourself credit for. One thing that I have found that some men like to do is to put the blame and pain on their ex. He did not call you because he wants a bigger reaction with flames and to do that is to go through your child. The best thing that you can do at this point is to say to yourself: I have been through a lot and I have made it this far and I will not let him get to me and if he does I will not show it and I will not let him know. Shock him and agree to let you son proof read it and tell your son that he is very sweet to do this for his father. Yeah it is going to be hard and yes you may be at a point that you want him to be un happy but the more you feed into his plan to make you un happy the more un happy you will be.. You can get through this look how far you have come... !

Hello--this is very typical. My former spouse remarried as soon as he could legally. Nearly to the day. These men cannot stand being by themselves even for a minute.

Right now you are upset and hurt and sad and raw because in your mind it is all so new. He does not feel this way. He has "moved on" already and probably moved on before you even knew he was moving on. I was replaced before I even knew it. That is ok. And it is ok to be mad and emotional and sad and upset and feel betrayed. You are entitled to that and then some. BUT...and this is a big but you should look at the situation this way. It might seem like she "won" but what did she win? A husband that she won't be able to trust. A weak man afraid to be by himself. A needy man. She got your rejects. He is not that special. You were the special one in the relationship. I bet people tell you now they didn't really like him that much anyway and that they really thought he was a jerk. Oh, wait--that is what people told me (ha ha).

Now this is the fun part. This is where you get good and mad and stop crying over him and start thinking about you and your new improved life and what you want to do now and how you can be the woman you always wanted to be but couldn't because you had to take care of him.

Let them have that ceremony. Even that is not original. She is the one to be pitied. She will always be behind your children and you. She will most likely always be compared to you and found lacking especially if everyone knows she was the OW.

Focus on you. Do fun things. Do things that make you feel good. Invest in yourself. Make new friends. Develop new hobbies. Change your hair. Buy some new updated clothes--I bet you have lost weight on that killer divorce diet.

Sit back and watch. It might seem like he has it all right now and has "won" but remember what the bible said about a house built on sand? Their relationship is built on lies and cheating and there will always be an issue with money because your children will have their hand out and rightly so. She won't get his whole paycheck or his time or his trust.

My former spouse and his wife are a real mess. Everything I predicted about them and what would happened, has happened. I thought I would be happy that they are not happy but I really do not care anymore and THAT is what makes me happy. I wish he would pay the back child support he owes and just go away but that won't happen any time soon.

Brighter days ahead. I promise. Be happy and grateful if that is at all possible that he is some other woman's problem now. I sure am!

SAM

Both good post replies.
I am on a stand doing cheers @ SAM's post.
LOL
YOU GO GIRL!


I couldn't have said it better myself & agree 100%!
Let em have the other WOMENNNNNNNNNNNNN.
cause usually there are ALWAYS more.
Better to be on the road to recovery than not knowing you soon will need to be (when their's the other other woman, etc).
YOU GOT IT. There is a type of man that cannot stand to be alone. & we know why. They can't stand to look within.
SO, as the saying goes..
"be still & know that I AM GOD."
& just

to SAM: LOL, would you believe that everyone is telling me that they never really liked him all that much? Everyone from my Mom (who was actually ALWAYS nice to him) to my little sister (who I know for a fact had a mad crush on him from the day she met him till she found out he was cheating on me). Too funny.

I do want to also say, that I'm sorry you are having to go through this. The ex hasn't remarried yet, again. But I'm sure he will, it's such a habit with him, marrying, divorcing, etc., it would be SHOCKER if he didn't. But I'm sure it's still traumatic when hearing the news even though we know the reality of.
Usually I am ok / as SAM's post states I typically can keep my head above water knowing NOW as I do all the facts, that ex seems to just get bored so as soon as new flame looks a few days older he will get bored with her too.
I say, let the kid read it.. pity the poor child for being biologically related, you're not.
& love him a little more.. as he will need it!
Hugs!

Yes, I agree with all the other ladies as well. My ex is not married to the other woman (as far as I know???)with him anything is possible, but he has been living with her since the minute he walked out and she refers to herself as the kids step mother...so in there eyes they are joined in every way except for the license and God's blessing...

But as time has gone by and my love for him has died, It means absolutely nothing to me...she cheated on her husband and he cheated on me and like the other women stated...does anyone really want to start off a relationship with this as a foundation. I have learned to set any anger aside and let God be the judge of their actions now. Oh, things may pop up here or there that may make me upset or bring up a memory, but it is so much easier to set this aside now and move on. You will find this in time as well.

I could say the same as all the other women on here. What they all expressed is so true. My ex took this other women every place we have been and did every activity with her and the boys that we have done and even more, but it is just their way of justifying their new life with the life they once had with us.

I know it is hard to let go when things are so raw with us as it all begins...but in time when we are out of all the turmoil, the emotions, the memories, the feelings of loss and anger we begin to see these men and their girlfriends without our blinders on. We get a very different perspective of it all and wonder how we could have loved these men so much at one time. I see a hollow empty, selfish man who as it states in the Bible...May gain the whole world, yet loss his soul....what good is this.

Like the others have expressed...You will learn to love who YOU are again and know that you have given all you can on your part and that you have come out of this learning so much about yourself and how you have become, strong, independent, compassionate, truthful, patient, wise, open to new things, and aware of what you really want in life and what is truly important to you. Your ex has only learned how to cheat and scheme to get what he wants and how to jump from one relationship to another for instant security. Let this other woman have him...they will both end up with what they truly deserve..."each other"...You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and know that we all understand how you feel and "This too shall pass."

Susan

Jerk. Yep, I agree. But I'm guessing he's probably never treated you as you deserve to be treated. Easy for me to say, but good riddance. Hang in there. Hold your chin high. As for your son-poor guy. I don't know why they insist on putting the kids in the middle. Hugs.

Thank you, ladies. I am just angry at him: angry because he is using my son to get a rise out of me, angry because he was planning to keep his family from finding out about us getting a divorce in the first place (oh, but I ruined that for him by getting to them first with The Truth of The Matter! ), and angry because, not only did he go behind my back to be with this woman in the first place, but also because their entire relationship is based on lies and deceit. As it was said, 'A house built on a foundation of sand cannot long endure'.

The part in all of this that makes me laugh? He has already been told by his Mother that she will not attend this wedding. She said, and I quote: "I won't give my blessing to something that should never have happened!" So she won't endorse it with her presence...but that won't keep her from supporting the two of them whilst he is out of work...

He is already seeing the consequences of what he has done.
Keep in mind that your child is his child also. And, that he doesn't fully understand what is happening. He loves both his parents.
My ex doesn't have anyone that I know of so, it has been easier for me. But, after almost five years it will hurt if he does. And, especially if I see that he is attentive to her.
I think you x is asking your son to do this to justify what he has done.
Please take this to prayer ask God to give you strength.
Lately I have decided that sometimes keeping quiet is the best thing to do.
Like the other poster said..your x has gone on with his life now you must too.

After all this foofaraw with the "vows", my son has had enough. He is 17 and not a baby, and he can see his father for what he is: weak, insecure, needy, and incapable of being alone. Loves him dearly, but has lost 99% of the respect he had for his father. It makes me so sad...