I have always been pretty good in the past figuring out how I am feeling but right now I have having an issue.
It has almost been a week since my husband asked me for a divorce. We are still living together but he goes out every night so he doesn't have to be home with me. We have already starting looking for a place for me to live. In the aspect of my new place I am very scared because I have never lived alone, but a little excited to make it my own. I feel this is wrong.
My other confusion is I don't want to be divorced but knowing that it is probably best for both my husband and I. He doesn't want to be home and that hurts, but he has this rudeness about him right now that will eventually drive me away permanately. This might be his goal but we both said we want to be civil about this entire process.
I love him and he is my very best friend. If I have to let him go as a husband I would love to keep him as a friend. I cannot imagine my life without him completely.
He is trying to be nice about this but I think his rudeness is a wall so he can protect himself. Any advice would be nice. Thanks
It sounds to me like there are several things going on for you. The divorce is one. That's HUGE. You also want to be married to him & he is your best friend. & you have never lived on your own.
That's a lot unknown on the horizon.
I am flabergasted at how frightening in some ways (& we are only to fear The Wrath of God so I do not living in fear mode), but the unknown is a bit scarey, IF you can TRY (which isn't easy at times but usually is the best to do) think of the changes as challenges, growth, places where you are able to empower yourself & with GOD.
I was married to my best friend (even though he didn't act like one many times), had what I wanted, was happily married (despite the abuse I loved him & wanted it to work). So moving back out of that comfort zone to, "divorced," is a place that is unknown & very uncomfortable for me.
If you can think of the fact, in your new home there will be peace, fruits of The Spirit, are, peace, love & joy. If he is not wanting the marriage then you will at least have the peace knowing that you have given him the desires of his heart (even though he may have No clue what that is/ don't forget that part!). & he is not Really a best friend or a friend at all to want a divorce after he commited for life & then wants back out when you want to stay married to him & work on things. So, you don't Really have a best friend, you are his best friend, he's not your best friend. The divorce itself is hard work, it's major life change, but many people divorce, some desire it, many don't. Life goes on. Maybe not as we would like, but God Allows people to make choices then HE Judges us on these decisions we make.
I think the divorce has been the most traumatic experience I have lived through. BUT, what you have learned, what you do know, that growth in life you have achieved does NOT disappear!!!
We move upward & onward in life, maybe stumbling, there is not perfect but for God. & frankly I do believe this is sometimes the point of it all.
I pray the pain is lessened for you & that God's Will comes about & you are @ peace. I'm still in grieving stages of my divorce, yet many unknowns but there is also much resolved that was not at first & I am starting to see choices again as to moving on.. slowly.. & with God's Love.