thank you. this is very empowering and I fully appreciate your input. is there a way I can talk more to you about my situation and get your feedback on different things in this mess?

I wouldn't believe anything he says at this point. He probably has the box, but is trying to hurt you and make you feel guilty by lying and saying he doesn't have it. He is a coward and a low-life.

Let's make changes to the world of divorce. Go to this very cool new website: www.watch4bertandlilli.com

Sorry but I have to laugh. Reminded me of me. I kicked my ex out, then left the house, knowing that once I left what was left behind was his. I left for the safety of my self and my children. Ok so fast forward 2 months, I was forced by a judge to move back. *My SS card, and my kids SS cards were gone and some family pictures, the least he could have done was taken the darn wedding album. SS cards are easy to replace, and when I went to the office I told them I didn't know if my ex had them or not. I told them about the divorce. They posted a red flag (if you will) on my card. Anytime mine or my children's are used to open a credit card or other account I am notified. My other option was to get new numbers. So let him deal with that on his own.
I was SUPER P*SSED about having to come back so I got revenge on my ex by way of spring cleaning. I had begged him to help me chunk things in the attic for years, he never did. I rented a dumpster and chunked EVERYTHING of his in it. Childish but at that time I did not care. He called his attorney crying. I get a "junk mail"( as my attorney likes to call my ex's cry baby letters) from his attorney warning me not to throw out anything with out first contacting my ex to pick it up. But as my attorney told me what he left in the house belonged to me, same as when I left what was in the house belonged to him. SO being the mature adult I am I called him the next Sunday and told him that I was placing my trash out for pick up and that he was more than welcome to come and see if there was anything he would like to have form it...I couldn't help it. IMO when your ex placed a note on the door telling you he left you he knew that he was leaving all of his belongings in your care.
Another example: My dear friend found out her husband was having an affair. She knew he was on his way home from OW's house. Collected his clothing and other belonging and placed them on the front lawn. When her husband came home she was sitting on a lawn chair roasting marsh mellows over his burning belongings...I almost peed my pants when she told me this....

LOL!!!!Love the added touch of "roasting the marsh mellow" over his burning things...can't get that picture out of my head

Susan

Oh my gosh! That is sooooo funny. Revenge can be sweet, regardless of what anyone says. Hey, if you leave a note and walk out you might not be treated with upmost respect...nor do you deserve to be. Standing up for ourselves and getting in those jabs can be healing. Mature? Who cares? It's healing and really, no one gets hurt- not physically anyway.

So true Becky. I know I was acting like a child but see I was also acting like he did for years. LIKE I DID NOT CARE!!! If he would have been more careful with my heart and I would have been more careful with his belongings.

The mental picture my friend roasting marsh mellows over her hubby's things makes me laugh every time I think of it.

I think you were giving him what he wanted in your mind, his freedom, his stuff..you just got a little excited. No harm intended..
I was shocked what my ex did to me, so many times.
& I would often react.. At first I think it's the idea of wanting to fix them but eventually when there's a pattern it's like, ok GO & DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA IN THE .......
To me, there is a SPIRITUAL maturity that is much larger than the smaller things we do or say.
Many of these guys that run/cheat/lie are not matured spiritually.
I think one often falls to Re Acting
& then disconnecting from the darkness becomes the goal.
It's like dealing with an immature teenager or a child, after awhile one gets tired of the games & wants it Over. maybe if you had left an apron & some scissors.. perhaps he would get the hint (time for him to grow up)

yeah...I agree...time for him to grow up.
funny how he moved into his grandma's house...to her, he is like the golden boy, the second coming...he can do no wrong and she is doing his laundry and patting his poor head when the ex wife of his says...call after 7:30 please...grow down is what he seems to be doing, but I am through and he is no longer on my list of emotional concerns!
Wow, it feels great to write that!

I, too, am truly at a place where I don't care what my stbx does as long as it doesn't affect me or the kids. I have to admit, though, that sometimes I am very curious. For example, on my way to work I drive past the house of one of his friends. His friend is married and they have children. The stbx's vehicle was parked in the driveway that morning...obviously had been there all night. My stbx lives close by. Just get curious. It's like what the H***? Lots of things he's doing now that I had no idea were of interest to him. Together for 17 years and I didn't know? But truly I DON'T CARE! And yes, it does feel good to be there.

As to not caring what they do anymore...


AMEN to that! I so agree!