When I first started reading your post I thought it was one I had written.
My problem is that even though it has been four and half years since I left with no word from him at all. Divorced one year of those. I am still in waiting for him.
When I think about getting involved with someone else I feel like I am cheating.I have also been divorce twice so I feel like a loser I guess.
I think we need to wait till those feelings are gone to be able to date. I truly feel that if someone comes along that I find attractive it will feel ok.
There is a man that took me out to dinner but, he so resembled my x that it was a turnoff for me. We now talk on phone and email. Just like friends.
Ashyah, that's interesting that it sounded like a post you wrote.
WELL, I did it. I called someone that wanted to go out/ be friends etc. We are in very similar situation. BUT, what happened wasn't pretty.
Yes, we had fun, I loved his energy, blah blah,
he was respectful & he wanted to get together again the next few days & was excited. BUT, all I could think about was that I was not wanting this, it felt like I am cheating, I was so happy with my ex the idea of, "being with," another man with ANY closeness involved makes me sick & every single time almost I have been in this situation since he's left (3 times now) I end up feeling similar. Each guy was different & guy #2 I felt a LOT of sparks with, but I didn't allow Anything physical to happened, all 3 amounted to one date & that was all I could deal with.
My thoughts were, if I did call this guy & couldn't handle it, that I am done dating.
I know there are women that don't date after divorce or loosing a spouse to death. Some just decide that they will have friendships. I do know from experience that male friendships can get complicated as I was single a long time before marrying. It's complex. That usually having same sex friends as to buddies is usually more practicle.
I knew & this connect with this guy also showed me that I cannot be talking about my ex, I said a few things that he said he didn't care for, in other words he wanted relationship not just friendship with me. He was offended I think/ & I just was not feeling it.. it was not happening, I felt sick to my stomach, blocked, depressed & unhappy after last evening, despite the fact he was nice/ fun, etc.
SO, I think I found my answer.
I am very sorry for him because I know I hurt him, he was NOT happy & got pushey with me a bit verbally when I was sharing my concerns about thinking maybe I am not ready for this.. & like I say, I guess I was so in love with my ex husband that I feel God Is Showing me that I am Done dating.
I honestly have No problem with it, but that I am truely exhausted in restarting my life as to connections etc. BUT I would rather do that work & feel a sense of inner peace & happiness, which I do, than to connect with someone & then feel oppressed.
I loved my ex so very much & was so happy with him, & life seemed to flow & I felt energy with him, as I do without him.. so anyways.. think I found the answer I was looking for.
I am NOT wanting to date, I'm done, I think God Showed me my truth & destiny. So, at least now I can release & move ahead.
Thanks for letting me share/vent!