Well friends I did it , For the past two weeks my husband has yet to talk to me about my feelings and why I want a divorce, He will talk about the weather, work even the t.v but not my feelings on the divorce. We have been married for 20 years and most of the years have been filled with emotional afairs, lies, threats. Something I have never told anyone is while we were dating and living together I was pregnant and he made me have an abortion because it brought shame to his family that is wealthy. He had left me when I was pregnant so that he could go to the beach with his father's crediti card so he asked another girl at the time to go with him. He put a note on her door and asked her in front of me. He would not call while he was at the beach and if he did it was to brag that he is at a party. Btw: the girl turned him down on going to the beach. I had to beg him to come home to take me to the dr to get the abortion, when he came back he said, he had a date with a older women and demanded sex. He has cheated right in front of me and never thougt anything about it. I could not go home there was nothing there for me. I had no friends because we moved and I had no car and no food unless he would buy it. In a nut shell I told him everything and how that has made my wounds worse when he did it all over again. I told him why would a married man tell another woman that is a stranger about his family business and give her a ride home and show her his car that was bought for his family. That was our family space and he let other women invade it. At the end of the conversation he said he never thought about what he had done to me, he thought that it was no big deal and I was fine or just complaining about it. He said we will work on it but I told him I am done I cant go back to rock bottom . He said then we can get the divorce but live in the same house. I told him I can't do that because I would always worry if he is seeing someone and it would always bother me. I need to be free and make a home for our children. I would rather stay in the home that we have now because we have moved every 2 years with our kids who are 10 yr and 13 years old. We lived here for 4 years and this is the longest they have lived in a home and not move but, this is a house that his father owns. His father bought the house becuase he did not want me to have any part of it in case we were to divorce. I don't know if there are hidden accounts that his father has for him and his hidding from both of us .. just in case. I do have a car in my name. I guess I just need to get some advise from an attorney and know where I stand but until then, I said my peace and I feel like 100 pounds have been lifted off of me. Now he knows my pain , I would never wish pain on anyone but it is a good feeling to see him feel how I felt. I told him I want the divorce to be civil for the sake of the children . I did not tell him that if I have to I will tell the entire story of what he has done to me and the abuse becuase then he would take that as a threat. If it takes care of our children then I will be an open book.

Lisa, I'm sure you are feeling a great relief right now. It had to have been a very hard conversation to have, even if it needed to be done. Definitely get to an attorney ASAP so you know what you can and can't do to protect yourself and your children.

Do the words 'civil' and 'divorce' make an oxymoron? I hope you are able to have a civil divorce. My stbx was all about that, until he got mad and told me he was done paying me anything until it was all settled. OK, not so civil anymore. Better than many though I suppose. But I digress.

I understand your desire to stay in the home for the kids. I, too, had hoped to stay in my home. It has just come full circle and because he hasn't paid anything for a few months the home is close to foreclosure. I live too close to him and have decided I need to move and make sure I am not under his control in any way, shape or form-or that I am not in a position in which I rely on him for ANYTHNG. That's something you may need to consider. Sounds like your father-in-law may be a little controlling? Mine is EXTREMELY controlling and the further from him I am, the better off I am.

Good luck, Lisa. Please keep us posted on what happens next.