Our 32nd anniversary is in 2 days. Last year, we didn't go out for dinner on our anniversary, because he was "too busy". Two weeks later he came home late and told me he had "just had coffee" with a woman. He said they're "just friends". He told me how smart she is and how he can talk to her about anything. He told her about me, my kids from a previous marriage, etc. She told him all about her husband and children. I told him I appreciated him telling me, but I didn't want him to do that again. He said "well, I'm going to".
Fast forward to 11-1/2 months later. We're in the process of a divorce. In two days it will be our 32nd anniversary. In two weeks it will be the first anniversary of the day he came home late. My attorney tells me that our divorce should go through in 4 weeks.
The pain isn't as bad as it was, but it's still here. He tells everyone he would never put another woman before me, but he continues to hang around her. He absolutely refuses to just leave her alone, tells me it's "just coffee" and they're "just friends". He doesn't go anywhere with me.
I don't know why I'm writing this. It's like a biography of why we're getting a divorce. I see so many posts here about emotional affairs. Nobody knows how painful it can be unless they've gone through it.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I see on this forum that other women have suffered through an emotional affair, I understand how you feel.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Something that really strikes me, is that my ex, was married before me. He has a history of failed marriages .. But what I noticed was that it seems he was never comfortable being, "alone," as in with himself. He never in his life was grounded.
so in him there is a fantasy world that exists, the possibilities of this & that.
My husband was my first marriage & I had a lot of years dating before I met him. I knew myself, what I wanted. I was at peace with him, even though it was not a particularly easy marriage, it was definitely workable & filled with love & possiblities.
What I saw in him & it seemed to me that this was his life pattern is this desire to have what he could not have. If he thought he had it, he wanted something else.
I think there are people in life that don't grow up.
I guess to me, it means being ok with being by one's self, by appreciating what is, working toward a fuller life. But some, have, then want something/someone else, continually.
Your decision to divorce, is likely about the only one that makes sense. I don't know the situation you are in as such, whether this woman is temptation to him, or if in reality it is innocent. HOWEVER, I personally believe it is not easy to have a friendship of opposite sex, unless of course it would be at work where the two are working together, but outside of that, I would think that it could be risky.
This is from my perspective & my opinion, but people have to be grounded in themselves for their lives to work. It sounds to me as if your soon to be ex, is not there. Instead of having guy buddies that he hangs out with, or if a female friend, then making sure you are included in the meetings with her/coffee etc., so that it is not as such you would be concerned.. he is not grounded.
That's just my opinion.
I am still working through the grief of divorce.
Maybe I don't see it just as I should, but the way I do see it for me so far is that I have to get very grounded myself, for myself & stay close to God for my life to work.
Any major loss takes time to heal from. If one skips over steps of grief or wants to place distractions in way of healing, well that just prolongs healing process. In other words it's hard work.
EX was NOT INTO the HARD WORK of life/marriage/single/divorced/widowed, It's Hard Work.
That's the way I see it.
Too, they say there are men that are wired to cheat.
Their brains are litterally different. Doesn't make it right, but I guess that these are often the guys that are easily tempted, have affairs.
I just think there are so many that have been married many years & have some fantasy about being single.
Again, sorry you are having to go through this.
I cannot believe how complicated divorce is.
I do not for one second regret my marriage to ex, I loved him very much. He wanted the divorce, not me.
But starting over is so difficult. Jesus is my best friend.
Take care!

I think emotional affairs are having one foot over the line and physical affairs are having the other one cross and no matter what one foot or the other or possibly even booth being over the line....any way you look at it they have "crossed the line" and have destroyed more than they will ever know.If these men had loved and respected us they would not have been even near the line to begin with. I'm sure my ex's affair started out emotional and then moved on to physical and just kept on going from there. These are selfish men and women who think of nothing but their own needs and then try to erase their mistakes when they are ready to ease any guilt. I promise, the love for these men does fade as time goes by. I didn't think it would either, but it does.

Susan