Quite a few years ago my neighbor's son was married with 3 daughters. They lived basically in the same neighborhood. His wife was a stay at home mom and home schooled her kids. they were quite religious (at least she was) not so much they were preachy and judgmental (we all know these kinds of people) but such that she had strong beliefs and was very loving and caring. he used to bike and even took his eldest (maybe 9 at the time) on long bike rides (I mean to places that would take 45min-1 hour to drive) and the daughter did great. I am sure the girls loved their dad a lot and the wife was a good woman. Then he left. Took off to Colorado with another woman. Guess it was too much for him. What about his wife? Can she just run away when it all gets too tough? It's hard with a family but it's a good kind of hard work. What about his girls? We had moved away about 6 months when I found out so I was never able to follow up with her but I think of her often. The baby of the three would be a teenager now. I really truly believe something is wrong with their brains. I see some women, who are hugely overweight and not friendly and snap at their men, but the men are there. Probably because something is not right in the woman's brain but he is a good man and sticks to his marriage. Even look at Tiger Woods, she was a super model and what beautiful children. Before the truth was released my daughter did a school project on Tiger Woods, I remember looking at their family portrait with the dog and thinking what a lovely family, how happy they look together. But it's just a picture. This man had money, fame, model wife, gorgeous children, everything. But it wasn't enough. SO doesn't this prove it is something wrong with THEIR brains, not with us? Some of us feel grateful for being alive, see a blessing in every shadow. Others are never, ever satisfied. They are selfish and greedy and completely miss what matters. Perhaps they are lower on the evolutionary chain. Perhaps we took to them because we wanted to lift them up and show them the truth, show them how powerful love is. But they don't get it because they won't. So time to let go.

Amen to all you said Strongspirit...you are so right about these men. It is such a sad reality. My ex is one that needs constant attention and instant gratification. He was and is never happy with what he has or gets and that is such a sad way to live.

Susan

As was my ex. He had it all and it still wasn't enough for him. His loss....

I have well over 70 emails from my ex telling me things like "you will rot in hell for what you have done to our family" "If I had it my way you would be dead" All kinds of threats and horrible things. All because I got tired of his lies, his cheating and him leaving me alone while he "played the clown" at the bar until all hours of the night...I couldn't use a single one of them in court. I think that if anything he will be ashamed to show any of this in court. I cried, but then I am not a heartless man...My thoughts and prayers for your healing...

You are so right strongspirit! Why on earth we expect them to suddenly have an epiphany AFTER the marriage ends when they were so clueless IN the marriage is beyond me, but like you said its seems hardwired in us to try to 'make him see sense', 'see my point of view'. They never did before, why would they now.
I guess these are part of the stages of divorce, like any death its a process, I still cry, not at what I lost, but what he left behind even though it was my decision to kick him out. He gave up, when I gave him the prime opportunity to step up. I wasn't expecting him to read my mind either, I spelled it out in very large letters what I wanted and expected from him and he chose to sidestep what I wanted and go to what he needed.
It's always good to get it out of your head and put it down on 'paper', read it analyse it. I wrote an email to my stbx, left it for the night, came back and re-read it and decided to send it, it needed to be said and whether he 'got it' or not didn't matter, it was in his head now.

I have been separated about 4 months and going thru the divorce process. I also did the letter thing about 3 months ago while we were going thru the mediation process.

I worked on my letter for a couple of days and then asked him to meet me. I read the letter to him not expecting a reaction which was a good thing because he said nothing. But the letter was more for me to say my goodbyes and to verbally say the words out loud to him.

He wanted out of our marriage so it still hurts and I still cry. But I know in time it will hurt less and less.

But my point being putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper does help. It gives you some form of closure not complete closure but it does help!

Dont know if he can use it against you. But I loved it. Tell him like it is !