Abbey,
I think what you describe, that overwhelming exhaustion is typical in divorce. When grieving one has take things one step at a time. It IS crazy, that's how it feels to me. All the dreams, that entire life planned out, with now ex, that easily could have been is not, merely because of his selfish greed. I think prioritizing is so important.
OK what DO you have? you have your son, he is a key player in your life, today & ongoing, so that would be priority. As to your boyfriend, he knew you were grieving when you hooked up/ either still with your husband or not, he was aware of the situation & the potential for being hurt, it's too bad but he's an adult so that's just a fact. It is RISKY when healing to get closely involved, it happens, sometimes it might be successful but oftentimes there has to be work done in self first.
You husband, you have detached from years ago it sounds like, you psychologically separated a long time ago, BUT you have to grieve it properly to conclusion for your peace of mind & to be a good mother to your son. That's the way I see it.
What I do, is try to keep God my focus, to do what is pleasing to HIM. For some reason, as nuts as things can seem & they often are in this/ at least I know JESUS Is my Friend & Guide.
I think your goal would be to find a place of your own, maybe a little tiny place, where you have quiet time, stability for you & your son, get your finances in order with the ex. As to bfriend, my dear, he is adult man, he knew when he got into this with you that it was complicated. He is a big boy & I think you would do everyone well to worry about you, your boy, & working to simplify.
"Be Still & Know That I Am God." We do not have to prove anything to anyone, it's about our salvation, doing what is right in HIS EYES!
Maybe start by mothering yourself & your son & then recreate that order you need again!
God Bless you!
thank you so very much for your response. Im going to ponder on what you have said. I do tend to think of everyone else first, the impact of whatever I decide.
Yes my son is the be all and end all.
I actually have tied myself in so nicely I couldnt afford even the smallest of places, but in the end I can work around that, Ive suffered hardship many times in the past and it really doesnt phase me, how my heart feels does.