Thanks, I think you are right. I ONLY stay because of my kids AND my cats!! My daughter has only known this home. My son is 16 and I feel to hang on for him. My cats go outside and if I move them I worry they'll get lost or find their way back to this property. If he just goes it is so much easier!!! God I wish he would DIE. I can NOT understand WHY he won't go. I haven't spoken to him in ages but I HAD to today and just HAD to tell him to GO AWAY. I really feel I am going insane. I just want him OUT of my life and OUT of my house and I am really losing it. I mean really really losing it. I am crying now and can't stop because I feel so helpless and my head is killing me. It is torture. I would cut off all of my limbs right now if it meant he would leave right now and never come back. I want to throw up, I want to blow up, I want to be dead, I cannot function. I am so much stronger than this I have been doing this for 20 years and I just CAN'T anymore. I completely give up. I am so not crying over losing him. It's just the feeling of being powerless to get him out. Do I really have to pack me and my kids and my cats up?? I am so stressed with work and the kids' activities, how do I have time to do it?? If I could I swear I would, I just don't know how while I am working. Maybe I should just go? Leave kids with him? He'd be miserable getting them ready and to activities, they'd miss me. Maybe it will be enough to make him realize he should go?? God help me.

Oh, StrongSpirit, I am aching for you. I understand that you are feeling helpless and overwhelmed. One day/hour/minute at a time you will be able to do what you need to do. Make a list. Prioritize what is most important to you. Perhaps even put on your list what you really don't care about-and can get away without giving a second thought to. Then let those things go. Maybe if you pack to leave you will only take certain things with you. The rest perhaps just isn't that important to you. We have pets (3 dogs, housecat, 3 horses). I understand that the pets adds more stress to the where you can go. Don't make any hasty decisions about leaving your kids. That could come back to haunt you when you are having a better day and are feeling less overwhelmed. God knows your pain. It doesn't always feel like it, but God knows your pain. My opinion is to get out of that house ASAP. Prayers and hugs.

I had a friend who left her husband a few months before I left mine. She did leave her kids with her husband. She said that after 16 years of trying to do it all she was DONE. Let him se how it is. She also had a drinking problem which she hid from EVERYONE. She told me once, how can no one know your coffee smells like Jack? THey should have known. I wish I would have lived closer to her..I would have known
Any how her and her ex were in danger of losing her house, she would give him the money and the house payment would never be made..she was tired of dealing with it all.
She ia not sober and happy. She is working on a relationship with her kids and amazing enough her ex is growing up..no hope of a reunion ( to many years of hurt) but there is a friendship building that wasn't there before.

Strong spirit, what would be the most unbearable? uprooting yourself, children and pets or staying in the same situation?
Once we make a plan and a decision we become 'superwomen' and the adrenalin keeps us going.

Im thinking he aint going anywhere soon and im thinking it is becoming unbearable for you to live with, maybe it is time to make your move?

You have given so much encouragement to others, strength and insight. You ARE strong, YOU can make the changes. He isnt going to.

Thinking of you.

Do not leave the kids behind. You could be brought up on abandonment and lose them for good. I am similar to you in that I've been married a long time and would prefer to keep the kids in their home. That would be in a perfect world though. And this is not a perfect world. I cannot afford our marital home and am actually excited about the prospect a starting fresh...having MY own place with NO bad memories of HIM. Surprisingly, when I mentioned moving to my 9 year old, she was excited and wanted to go house hunting with me. Have you talked to your kids? Do they know what's going on between and your husband? I've learned that kids are resilient. Talk to them and see what they think. If they have any idea of the pain you're experiencing, they might be okay with it. If they aren't okay with it, at least it would give them a chance to wrap their minds around the possibility of moving. The only thing my daughter was concerned about was that she stay in the same school with her friends...that's what was important to her....relationships...not things.

Good luck. You ARE stronger than you give yourself credit for. BTW...it's okay to lose it every so often..I think it's normal. What person in their right mind wouldn't? Keep us posted.