Hello again my friends, I am sorry that I keep making a new post but I just don't know where else to turn. Friends is a no no because they are friends with husband too. Family well lets just say that because I married him they chose to stay away. His family, what a joke they will talk about me behind my back and my husband has never once come to my defence. Our 20 yr marriage has been hell, emotional affairs on his part, lies,threats, calling me names, leaving me while pregnant it gets worse. I told myself 2 weeks ago I will not be a victim again and I will stand my ground because god knows if I give in it will just hapen again. I am trying so hard to stick it out , but last night when I told him how I feel in a nutshell he could only think about himself. He said if someone told me that their husband did that to them I would think that they are a jerk, and he refuses to take into account that this is all of his fault, I tried to work it out, I bought him things, talked to him when he needed some one to listen , understood when he would be late from work. You name it I did it and ya know what, he did nothing, he did not buy me anything, take me to dinner, make me a good dinner, buy me a gift card to get my nails done or a day out for me. He never had done anything special for me. He would rather me give him everything and him give nothing. I am so angry that he refuses to see how hurt I am, I am angry that he has not said once that he is sorry and will do what ever it takes. I am hurt that he does not want to wine and dine me and treat me like a queen. I am shocked that he is ok with the divorce but can still laugh, smile and be happy, while I am in a poo mood and hurting he just rubs it in. Why would he not want to fight for me, why would he not want to see the pain that he has caused, and why is he putting the blame on me. A divorce fine, but don't be happy about it, done laugh around me and smile, It is not fair that he has gone on with the idea of divorse as someone would go on with an idea of going ona dream vacation. I think he is trying to get to me, and hurt me more, and make me feel worse and ya know what he is doing it. Gosh he did not say he is sorry. He blames it all on his A.D.D . On the 23rd he see's his shrink as he calls him and I hope that the shrink will make him see and feel what he has done, but I know he wont because he will just say, well this is a choice you have made and now you need to learn to get along. Get along, are you freaking kidding me.. He wants to live in the same house during and after the divorce. I could not trust him while we were married so why in the world would I trust him after the divorce, I know him he will rub it in and say he met someone and go out while I am at home caring for our 10 and 13 yr old. Sure I could go out too but he would call me a slut or *****. I can not live day to day wondering what he is doing. yeah I need to see a lawer but that will just give me information not direction. I do know this, I will not go back to being his victim I just wish he would at least try to help me with my pain instead of laughing in my face. To make matters worse he can say he is going to stay late at work because he knows I am at home. Yes I am looking for a job but it has to be a night and he refuses to be home on time to care for the kids, I can't leave them alone ! He is making me feel trapped all over again, I cant even be in the same room with him, he talks under his breath, he eats too loud and he is lazy and a slob because he know I will clean it up because I like to have things clean. I cant give in not now he has to know the pain he has to feel the pain and he has to say he is sorry and hit rock bottom. Not out of revenge but out of calling it even. I am so lost , I can tell someone else what they should do but I can't do it myself because he just laughs at me. Please help me out here !

Lisa, you are at a very challenging and painful part of the process. In my case He decided to leave, but he, too, would waltz around like nothing was wrong. I asked him how he could do that, and he told me he wanted things to be normal for the kids. Huh? The kids have never seen a "normal" marriage-it's not happenin' now. Since he had decided to leave I forced him out. I told him we couldn't give false hope to the kids and now that he'd decided to leave he needed to pack a bag and go. It's been 7 months and I'm realizing that 2 miles down the road isn't far enough away. I will be moving. Don't know where or when, but I do know I need to get away from him.

Allow yourself the time you need to sort things out. Things become more and more clear as time wears on. Hugs.

Hello! I am almost in the same place. My husband of 21 years. left us the family(3 kids) 3 times last year. once to go see an ex. I hurt so much I cant describe.And against evryones opinion I forgave him. He said he did go see her to say goodbye and apologize because of 23 years ago. well, I did believe him and forgave him. Now,last thursday he packed his bags and told me(wait...forgot to say he lost his job and I have been holding the ball.i dont minded at all.he took care of us too)he cant handle us all.and he needed space and to find a job. I asked him if that was the end of us. he said for me to not please,not put words in his mouth.he just needed to feel as a man again and provide to the family. I asked if that was all. he said sometimes i cant even think of been around you. He said very painful words to me. I asked what did i do? i have worked for the last 6 years non stop monday to monday his answers where vague.Am i making sense? i cant think straight right now. i cant stoop crying. I love this man more than myself and he made me feel so horrible for my succesful life at work. i have to stop crying and i cant. he said he will call for me as soon as he gets a place and in the same sentence hesays if, he feels that way than...i asked for our wedding rings. he asked me if he could keep them...i literaly asked if he wanna the divorce. he clearly said no.and after that i said so do you love me? he said sometimes. i am so hurt with you sometimes i hate you.what do i do? i have to stop crying dont i? is it normal to be so lost and sad? am i dumb as my parents are calling me? i have no suport.

A marriage will never be successful if you are not able to forgive, forget, and accept and love your partner even with all of their faults. You are NOT stupid for loving him and putting everything you have into your marriage and honoring your wedding vows. You will stop crying, but it will take time. Prayers and hugs.

My husband left me yesterday after being together 18 years. I knew it was coming and didn't do anything different to try and work it out as I was asked by him, but how do I change who I am, and is it right for me to change for someone who told me they contemplated leaving me a few years ago? This you could say was my contribution to the failure of our marriage.

My husband threatened that if I do not give him a divorce, pay for it, pay off a car, he will come after me for spousal support, isn't that blackmai? I never got a goodbye when he moved out...only texts saying, you'll be ok, you're a strong person, take care of yourself, your horrible at relationships, find someone else who wants a life like you (I have been the bread winner taking care of him for years, working hard, commutting long distance to provide a good life for us).

All the while I am asking what did I do wrong? How can I fix this (type A personality flaw), What can I do to get him back? I'm an emotional wreck, I have been crying for days, curled up in his closet until I hyperventilate and wish he would come back. Every footstep I hear is me wishing he is walking back through the door. Why am I doing this to myself?

Thank god my family has come to my aid and literally picked me up from the aftermath of the hell this person has caused me. I meet with a therapist tomorrow for the first time to help me get through this horrible situation I was forced into however this is for me, taking steps to know I will be ok and I must stay strong and not beg for him to come back and want to leave me again in another few years.

I must do what is best for me now and I will overcome these challanges. It may take a year or two before my self esteem was where it was a few months ago, but knowing he will not take that from me will be the best feeling when I get there.

I hear you! I too have been the bread winner for many years. And he hold against me. I never wanted kids and he did. so, I had them for him. Now, he says: Y didn't you lied to me and took the pill so we never had them.
I do fall asleeep in his clothes left behind in the floor of his closet after crying for hours. The difference is you girls are so strong and moved on. I pray he will really call me and ask me to move with him. My heart is in so much pain. I understand when you say every foot step is a hope. I do the same.
I am sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck. I wish you hapiness. I am glad you have family. Mine is all in europe. And now leaving in america since 1984...I am not sure I can move back. My 3 kids don't wanna go anyways. They say its all my fault. I should never marry a man from a different culture. My own kids. I sometimes believe its all my fault. Maybe I should have change and be less me. I love him and would love to have him walk in right now.
Big Hug to you from a friend.

I am so glad you will be seeing a therapist. They really can help you working through the emotions you have. You will be OK. I won't lie to you...it is a long and difficult road. You are so blessed to have a family that is behind you. Let us know how you're doing after your session. Hugs.

Lisa, as you can see, you are not alone. We have all married selfish men who turned out to be users and not givers. I have been divorced for a while, but my ex had no real feelings as well. While he walked out on the boys and myself and left his father here so he could be free to do what he wanted...he was out with his girlfriend, buying her gifts, taking her on trips and just having a grand old time. This girl he was dating was shoved right at us even before I knew she existed, once I did, he felt free to carry on anywhere and anytime. He has built himself a new home and lives with her now as if they were married, maybe they are??? They both cheated and left their marriages. This girl was only 25 and had no children. It's a long story and a hurtful one, but No, these men do not change...they only treat you well when they are getting what they want from you. Liars, cheaters and users only have feelings for themselves or use these feeling on others when they want something. You deserve better and we all know it.

Susan