Kids do learn to play that card. And the older they get the wiser they get. As for us, we are exhausted, stressed, and probably not thinking as clearly as we'd like to be. I, too, think that teens are a breed all their own. Document, document, document.
My ex's niece played that card oh so well. She was 16, I felt bad for her because her mother used her as a maid, chief and live in babysitter. She was in charge of diapers when all the kids were little, she ( my ex's sister) had 4 children younger than my niece. All with in a year apart. J ( I will call her) decided that she had enough and moved in with her Dad. Well he didn't expect much of her but set a curfew for her. She was not happy about that. She used my love for her ( she holds a special place in my heart. Has from the day I met her and still does) to get me to allow her to move in. I talked it over with her mom first. I didn't set rules at first, just expected her to help out when I went to work, and told her that she did have a curfew during school nights. She was great, made dinner, cleaned up did laundry all without being asked. I gave her my truck to use when she needed it. She would take me to work and pick me up so that she had something to drive in case she wanted to take the kids anywhere or incase something happened. Paid her for watching the kids while I worked. I paid her $120 a week, enough for a teenager who didn't have any bills. Well, she wrecked my truck one day on the way to school. I didn't yell at her I was just thankful she was alive, she rolled it and had to climb out the back window ( shattered) on her belly, the cab was flat. I cried when I saw it because all I could think about was how she should have been dead. Anyhow, I didn't let her take my new truck not because I didn't trust her but because it was winter was worried about her ability to handle snow and ice. She got mad at me and moved back in with her Mom. She lived with me for almost 2 year, it hurt for her to just walk out. She didn't come around for a while, but then she started to come over just to see us and we "made up" I guess you could say. Teens are users. They can't help it. They see things by way of "how can I get what I want" and "who is going to give it to me" Heck I was the same way at 16, all about me and my wants. Your daughter knows you love her, she will be back home. She loves you and is just using the situation to her advantage.
I also had a niece who did the same thing. So, they are teenagers. When things got rough dad left, so they think that's what you do. Having rules is no fun as a teen, if you can get away with less, you do. My niece decided her mom's rules were too harsh (she is even more relaxed with rules than I am, and I am pretty relaxed, so this was seriously JUST stuff to keep her safe). She ended up coming back after a year. And she is happier now home where she belongs. I agree with everyone else, it is typical of teens and to take advantage. My parents are still married but I remember as a teen FANTASIZING that I was adopted so i could go somewhere else! So sure, they have the opportunity to bounce back and forth to get what they want, they will. I know I would have and I wasn't a 'bad' kid, I was just lonely. And of course she has to say you kicked her out, they do dramatize so. I hope all works out for you, dealing with this age is tough enough and throwing divorce into the mix doesn't make it any easier! Keep the love between you and keep the faith the courts won't bother, I do think it is quite typical. My eldest is 16 and if my stbx ever gets the F out of my house and he wants to go live with him...see ya. I'd do exactly what you did. And I wouldn't feel guilty. They'll get it. She has a bit more growing up to do but she'll be back. And she'll be more appreciative of all you do for her. It's hard when you need them to help and they do this. I always say I would like your help, it makes my life less stressful. But I can do it all. It's harder but not impossible. I don't NEED help, but I strongly appreciate it!! She might realize. So tough being a teen when you think you know everything but don't and so tough on us parents. But ours survived it and so will we!