I'm sorry about what happened to you. It's not easy. The first few months are by far the worse as to pain of the loss. In grief work language, it is also shock & denial, sadness, etc. You are in the beginning stages of grief. You might look this up if you haven't already to find out your symptoms are very normal. Also, it's common in this (been there) to feel like one has been hit by a truck, physically exhausted, etc. Even months down the road it can still be draining because of all of the ramifications.
What has helped me through all of it is staying closely connected to God. I pray, I ask HIM To Show me WHY things are happening as they are. There are continual signs in my healing.
If you didn't feel as you are feeling you wouldn't be normal.. it's traumatic. If you can allow yourself to feel all the feelings & keep seeking supports. Healing takes time. I try to think of it as a journey & no matter how bad things get, I still have THE LORD.
Too, I know that now ex left me with every intent to find other women. Several months after he left me I was able to allow these thoughts back into my head & frankly it doesn't matter. He married you, your spirit, YOU.. he can be with someone else & do whatever but my dear you are not replaceable.
NEVER FORGET THAT!
We are God's Children!
Healing takes time.
I have been separated four months and going thru the divorce process and it is painful. I have been told time will heal the pain. And logically it makes sense but it can be so overwhelming. I have taken up yoga and also finding my way back to my faith. It helps to know I am not alone in feeling this way!
I have thrown myself into making things change for the better. I am fixing my house bit by bit, throwing out old and clutter and rearranging my furniture. Painting the diningroom is on my to do list...just to make it my own home. I am going to the gym and blasting my headphones as I work out daily. It feels so good. It is taking control of those things that you can.
He took and threw away your marriage. You cannot control that, you cannot control him, but you can take control of you and make things better now for you. Go to a movie with a friend and sit in the dark theater and escape. Clean, buy new sheets and towels,have a letter burning party..I invited my sisters over and we burned old stuff. I never throw away junk mail that has my name on it..so we started with that. then I wrote him a letter with all my feelings on it, even though he doesn't care. But instead of giving it to him, I burned it and gave it to the universe. I am trying to make my peace with my marriage dissolving out from underneath me. These things help. But remember that this is a death and the stages of dealing with death will take their turns. Last night I was incredibly angry "how could he do this, 9 years of being best friends and now I am the enemy? I hate him" then before bed, I was sobbing, "why wont he talk with me through this, we were best friends?" This morning, acceptance. He is not going to help me through this...my sister said, 'he didn't tell you what was wrong in the marriage, why do you think he is going to start now?' So, I need to move forward. I am going to go work out at my gym. It gives me physical as well as mental strength.
Joy will come again for us all...it is hard to see it right now, but it will....but for the time being, just take care of you~
I am going through something similar. We were married for 10 years and together 5 years before that and my best friend. He won't talk to me either! So, I am taking a yoga class and looking into joining a gym.
I can relate so much to your comments about the different stages. One moment I think I am OK and then I am sobbing. Reading your post makes me feel like I am not alone and not going crazy - thanks!