I don't know that I would file for custody without a few more facts.
If you left awhile ago and he has not contacted you or insisted you bring the children back home then I would not file anything. Filing for custody may just set him off and he will have every right to demand the children are returned to him until a cusotdy court order can determine the best location for the children. Normally courts make the people in the divorce, including the children remain in the state while the proceeding for divorce are under way. Once the divorce is final then the cusotdial parent can request the court to allow the children to leave the state (for residency), this sometimes is approved and sometimes it is not approved, it just depends on if it will interfer with the parenting plan for visitation that is established during the divorce.
I always said if I had it to do over again I would leave the state and not let him know where I was going, keep the children away from him and when the youngest turned 18 file for divorce. A custody battle is very hard on everyone, especially the children and I would avoid it at all costs, even having to hide out for several years.
Only you know your husband and what he will or will not do, I knew mine would be as evil as he could during a divorce and he was and still is.
Yeah I guess I should have clarified that. What Id said happened to me. I moved 3 (or so) hours up state. In a moment of confusion, and love for my children...I really don't know what I was thinking. But I took the kids to my MIL's house so that he could see them, I was asked to leave, not so nicely, and my ex filed for custody of my kids the next day. I never cried so much in my life! I drove back to my new home and just sobbed. Well my ex could not handle the kids on his own, his Mommy worked 5 days a week, his Father is disabled. He called me July 4th to come and get the kids. He had been calling me the entire time one day telling me that I was never going to see the boys again and the next day telling me to come get them. He used the love I had for my kids to keep me on a string. I had never been apart from my kids for more than 24 hours, usually time spent in the hospital. My Momma brought them to see me every day because I couldn't bare to not see them.
He gave me the kids back I went back up state and a month later was forced by a judge to move back to the marital home. It sucked. Funny thing now? My ex moved to Maryland 3 1/2 hours away. Makes no sense to me why he can go and he pleases and I have to stay in the same county unless HE approves my move. Father's Rights are a JOKE! One good thing, he has to drive here to get the kids and to drop them off. His attorney swore to the judge that his move would in NO WAY disrupt the visitation schedule. Sucks to be him. on Thanksgiving he gets them from 4pm to 7pm not enough time to take them to his gf's house where she wants to make her own diner for them...they will be at his Mommy's house...
ID If I had to do it over again I would do the same thing...he won't divorce me now so what is another 12 years...
"If you left awhile ago and he has not contacted you or insisted you bring the children back home then I would not file anything."
Careful there as well... My ex stopped calling, got into some bad stuff and wasnt asking for the kids during his time. This went on for 3 yrs and I assumed "Great they are mine!" The kids moved on, accepted that they had lost him. 3 yrs later he starts contacting me again... I love my kids so as much as I wanted to ignore him I knew that was not the right thing to do, the kids are old enough to decide themselves and he was ok with letting them decide. They refused his calls. I told him to keep trying, they needed to see he was sincere. He knew we were going to Michigan for a vacation to see other family. He called and asked the kids if they would please let him come see them, they said ok. After that he threw down the hammer and started trying to force them for his visitation. We ended up in front of a referee last summer and HE WON... why? Because I did not file abandonment papers!!!! Because I didnt tell courts that he wasnt taking his visitation time - HE screwed up and my kids and I got screwed!!!!
Becca, back up for me. When visitation isn't being taken, what do you have to do? To what extent is this "not happening" before you would do something? Is this complete no contact, or infrequent contact?
Really reading some of the post here it just goes to show that no matter what we do we are going to be at their mercy until our children are 18...Goodness it is going to be a long 12 years for me.