I can totally relate to you. I have an 18yr old daughter who is beyond hurt with her father. He only talks to her, when and if he needs something. When he can't talk to me, he find her to talk to our 7yr old. When he feel he can't talk to her anymore he will stop talking to her and starts calling me.
When ever he takes out and she tries to talk to him, about how she feels, he just doesn't want to hear it. He has hurt her so many times by taking her and buying her things just to get information about me, out of her. As soon as he get what he wants he stops talking to her and just disappear from her life. My daughter has seen this pattern and now is like she doesn't want a relationship with her father, all she wants is his money.
My advice to you is don't talk to your EX about her, talk to your daughter, let her be angry. Let her vent and rave to you, don't judge her. Just hear her and validate her feelings. You might feel she is being too hard on your EX but that is how she feels. When and if she is ever ready she will have a relationship with him on her terms, I have stopped talking for my daughter, she got into a huge argument with the flea(EX) a few days before the new year, now it's like it's like if wants to talk to me he has to make a move not me. All he has done is give her money.
Take care of your daughter remind her you are there and talk, talk, talk, talk to her. Let her rant and rave and don't judge her. She will love you more for it. Take care and if you ever need to talk email me
ladyrb1@hotmail.com believe I understand more than you think.
Your daughter probably has alot of mixed emotions now. At this stage in her own life even without the seperation, she is experiencing changes in her own life and trying to discover what they mean. When in this phase of life, she is more than likely fearful at what has been her stability (her family) is moving in many different directions. It is normal for her to feel angry and the need to talk to someone such as a counselor is probably a great decision. This will allow her to express both positive and negative feelings about you and her father in a nurturing environment. Remember that you are only responsible for your own actions and can not control your husband. It is great to talk about concerns of your daughter if he is willing, but ultimately, time will help and each parent is responsible for their bahavior and choices. Just be the best parent that you can be during this transitional time.
Hope this helps.
Audrey S
Creator of Divorce Tool Box
http://www.divorcetoolbox.com
Thank you both for your advice. You confirmed my decision to stay out of their relationship, while promoting a positive and open atmosphere in our home. My STBX and I had another mediation visit with our lawyer today. He spent the first 10 min relaying to me how my daughter has been acting in the last month, and basically, he would like me to encourage our daughter to have a relationship with him! He wants me to solve his problems, like I've been doing for the last 22 years! Later on he grumbled that he won't be paying for college if "she keeps this up". So it was decided that he would call my daughter's counselor and get his advice about how to reconcile their relationship. It's out of my hands - I guess!!!
Thanks!