JLVR, Wow! My divorce went through two days ago and while our circumstances aren't the same as yours, what you said is so much how I feel. We were married in a church, before God, we took our vows...till death do us part. So now in the eyes of the state, we are not married. In the eyes of God, we'll be married the rest of our lives. We both feel that way right now. I'll feel that way forever, but I don't know how long it will be before his eye wanders.
I don't feel hate. I still love him. Always will. God will watch over all of us. We just have to listen to Him.
Yes, that's the clencher for me..
is him telling me I am his other half & making SURE that every last friend I had orig was dismantled & my life was miniscule of what it was prior & upside down, me in debt, he leaves with car, I'm disabled, & now divorced, knowing full well my feelings on marriage & he said he believed the same (till death do us part).. yeah. All I can think, over & over, is DIVINE JUSTICE.
as to ex, that's where I can't get past.
because I would tell him when he came back, that I am disabled & it's a BIG DEAL to leave me, create more debt, become center of my life (again) then leave me (again).
So, yes, it's the God Piece of it & all he said that was of God. & to walk.. over & over.
I hear a lot from women going through this it's like getting hit by a semi truck / then having them run over us again & again.
while they go along & sleep with other women, & start over again & again.. I just can't even get my head around it.
I said I would detach from here & I know I need to at least for a bit.. the reason of course is that if I think he is here then I can't heal. it upsets me.
he didn't want me in the end, he threw me in the trash can & stoked a fire.. that's how it feels.
I believe in God & I love. I have to keep that part of me alive, my spirit... & love.
it's just all more than I can really grasp.
Hugs & prayers... I pray that we heal. That our lives are peaceful, full of love & joy.
When I go to these forums what I desire most is prayer.. & to pray for ..
:)