I'm so sorry... what a devastating situation. I agree that maybe therapy or counseling is a good idea. Even if your husband won't participate, you should really consider going for your own well being.
For the time being, I might start to document anything you can in case you end up in court (this might sound insensitive, but I'm a divorce lawyer so I'm inclined to think along these lines). I really hope it doesn't come to that, but if you're proactive, you can protect yourself in the long run.
Keep in mind that whatever he's done (or not done) has nothing to do with you. You can't stop a midlife crisis, and it's not your fault that he's making impulsive decisions.
what you said is exactly how i feel....we spend most of our adult lifes being a wife what do we do when that is taken away? it was a big part of who we are
