My husband is getting tired of me "dragging my feet" as he says and I think he is also getting pressure from his new girlfriend to get moving. He wants to file as soon as possible. I have two questions:
Am I crazy for wanting to file myself even though I do NOT want a divorce? It just seems to me that if he files it looks like I was a "bad woman, bad wife, whatever - it looks like I was at fault and I definately am not. I just keep thinking of future great grandchildren wondering what kind of woman I was that I drove their grandfather away.
Second: he will be living here for at least two more months for financial reasons and we have been being very friendly, even going so far as to cuddle everynight and share our bedroom. I know it sounds crazy but I think we both get plain and simple human comfort from our time together. I know I do. For at least awhile everynight the stress can go away and things can seem normal again. Don't worry, I am as prepared for the final break as I can be. I've gotten a break from him every month when he goes out of state to visit his "Friend". I do okay when he's gone, not great, but I manage. But as long as he's under my roof, I need that time with him every night. To be just roommates would be too painful. I want him to wait to file when he is able to move out. Is that request reasonable?

Once the divorce is final no one will know who filed what. It really doesn't matter who files in the end. My stbx got tired of me dragging my feet too (although I wasn't, he's just impatient) and quit paying child support, etc. So now we've spent a bundle of time putting together temporary stipulations rather than working on the divorce itself. Shot himself in the foot

A reasonable request would be to tell him to either stop seeing his "friend" or stop living with you like there is hope. I truly don't know how you have the strength to do it knowing he goes to her over and over again.

Affair #1I was in a state of shock, stress and depression when my husband told me. My cousin/best friend had just been murdered and we had just buried what the killer left us, ashes....I was to wrapped up in my own loss to even care what he had done. I was 6 months pregnant with our first child and was not in the right state of mind to deal so I blocked it our completely. I was lucky I delivered a healthy baby ( who came a month early due to stress, go figure)
Affair #2 ( same woman btw) I had just gotten pregnant with our second child. I ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and almost lost my baby. I will never forgive him for his rotten timing.
Affair #3 (could be same woman who knows who cares) I kicked his sorry ass out of my bed. The only reason he was allowed to live in the house was because I figured if he could use me I could use him. All I wanted was his paycheck. He slept on the couch. I slept comfortably in our king sized bed with my loving pups Leroy and BO. I didn't talk to him for a month solid and we lived under the same roof.
Final straw he calls me from Germany and tells me about this woman he was with ( I think he thought he was talking to his brother) He was so drunk he couldn't remember what hotel he was staying at. That was 2 days before our 11 year anniversary.
"Burn me once shame on you. Burn me twice shame on me" Comes to my mind when I think of how I let my ex go about living his "perfect" life while I suffered. Makes me sick I allowed it to go on for so long
So I do know about the need to keep things normal I did it for years. But there has to be a time when you realize that it don't matter what you end up looking like to anyone else but what you look like to you when you look in the mirror.
My ex told friends and family I left him for his best friend (so MY friend let me live in his house while he was out of the state, doesn't mean I want to jump his bones, YUCK, that would be like sleeping with my brother) That I left a loving man who would have given me the world. He told my preacher (of 23 years) that he was seeking God and that I was "back sliding" and to pray for me. My own blood turned his back on me and stood beside my ex in court ready to tell a judge that I was a bad mother because he told him that I slept around on him. they were drinking buddies. Beer is thicker than blood. Did it hurt? HELL YEAH but I look at it this way. I know what I endured. I know I was faithful to him for the very first night I met him, I stood behind my vows while he cheated, drank and lied. The one who love you will not care what the truth is they will love you. The ones who turn their backs and stick their noses up in the air can drown when it rains. When I look at myself in the mirror I see a woman who loved her self enough to stand up for herself and gain her self respect back. I lay my head to sleep every night and sleep like a baby because I know I did nothing wrong

Yes, you are right of course. What I and my children know is the only thing that matters. As far as havubg the strength, I think it helps that she's so far away. They are together once a month for 5 - 6 days but when he is here it's a good, long time before he sees her again although of course he is talking to her and thinking about her.

Have him file... You dont want the divorce same as me. Have him pay.

I had that type of relationship The flea would come to pick up my son and sleep with me, drop off my son and sleep with me. He would get out of work to come visit me, and all the time after leaving my house he would go to big foot. I was thinking he cared about me. That made me feel very secured. He was here but, he wasnt here. Until I found out he was living with her. I put a stop to it and he is longer allowed to come into my house.