Sorry JustMe,

Liars just feed off their own lies. They roll through life on whatever comes out of their mouths to help themselves get through the day. I can't tell you how many times my ex lied to me throughout his affair and our divorce. It is way to many and everyone of them just cuts deeper into your heart if you let it. Your true friends and family will see through his lies and if not now...in time. It is just sad that someone you thought you could love as a husband would do such a thing. I think they become so good at lying because they begin to believe their own lies. They begin to lie to themselves to get what they want out of life and they begin to lose sight of the feelings of others around them. I can remember some of the most hurtful lies my ex ever told me, but I have also learned that after a day or two of being upset...I let go...because if I didn't...the lies and twist of words he played on me would have eaten me alive. He won't change....99% sure of that, but even if by 1% chance he does change...how could you ever trust him again. I could never trust my ex again. I take what comes out of his mouth with a grain of salt and go with my gut and prayers when dealing with him. he has lost all credibility with me and that is really sad.

Susan

The Flea told every one at his job, how I was not a good woman, how I never cooked, cleaned or did anything for him. So he talked, and talked big for nothing, Now every one know that big foot does not cook, wash or does anything in their house so how does he look people now. He has no friends, people actually know what he said was just a bunch of bull... so hang in there I believe we all pay for whatever we do sooner or later.

My husband is living with his girlfriend, we are in mediation. He lied about his affair daily for 3/4 of a year and now says that I am behaving badly because I told people the truth. It began as an emotional affair and then became sexual, too. He would have preferred for people to think that we just drifted apart and mutually decided we were not happy together anymore.The truth is, I kept supporting his dream and was financially supporting the family and was repaid with infidelity. I actually tried to get him to stop the affair and he could not or would not do it. Now he keeps saying he cannot afford to pay for the kids or what he is offering is peanuts and not enough for us. He refuses to even look for a full time job, yet he is not ill or disabled. He is artistic and just wants to work very part-time at jobs that he enjoys! He just doesn't understand that I will no longer carry all the family bills because he broke our 25 year old marriage vows and he now lives with his (of course much younger) girlfriend. He hasn't given me a dime toward the mortgage or the children's expenses, yet he keeps wanting to have quality time with them. Yes, lordy, He ticks me off, too! Not sure if mediation will work. He wants half of everything, even though his work situation is atypical and of his own choosing. How does someone once reliable become almost unrecognizable and so irresponsible and lack a sense of duty or honor? He is acting like a guy in college not someone I loved until this summer when he said he had to be with the girlfriend and not me. He keeps claiming that 50% of everything is his. Well does that mean he needs to pay 50% of our mortgage? or the house taxes, at least? I don't know what the law says about this. I must find out. I live in Illinois. The children, 12 through 20 are all acting out, acting up, crying,or fighting and they are in therapy which doesn't seem to be helping much so far. They often fight, worse than ever. It is so tiring and painful. They have all formed opinions about what happened, about him, about his girlfriend and he tries to blame me for all of their anger, too. They are not toddlers and they know that I tried all summer to get him to reconcile and did not want to divorce and split up this family. They know he isn't paying anything to support them. Why would he expect smart kids not to understand all the grown-up issues we are dealing with? I tell them that he still loves them and wants to be a part of their life but they know what he is and is not doing. It must be much easier to divorce when kids are little. Divorce without children involved would be a breeze...

Ya know, Emma1865, I have thought so many times that divorce wouldn't be so bad if I weren't dealing with the issues of the children. On the other hand, some days that's the same thing that keeps me going. He left me in a horrible financial situation, so some days those issues are very depressing for me. By the time Jerk left I had grown tired of his lies, of carrying the burden of the family, of his selfishness. It took me very little time to get over him-a week or 2? I still grieve my dream of what it SHOULD have been, and with parts of this process that becomes challenging for me-like the sale or our acreage. My kids are 8 and 12. My 12 year old understands more than the 8 year old and asks much harder questions, so I'm sure you do have many additional challenges with the children in that age bracket. The kinds of trouble kids of that age can get into is concerning as well. The man I divorced is definitely not the man I married. I am more than happy to divorce this man and have him gone. However, I cherrish my children and would do it all over again to have them-I'd have booted him out after the 2nd was born, that's all. So something good did come out of our marriage. Hang in there. Thinking of you.

Yup, I love how they go off and have their affairs, start searching us for any faults they can find to blame it on, then tell everyone how it was all mutual and come up with a bunch of reasons why our marriages were heading this way when they never expressed any of these reasons to us or anyone else before this....
I tried to work it out with my ex as well a number of times, but I found he only came back for selfish reasons....
1. To show everyone he gave it the Ol' college try.
2. To make it look like he cared what happened to us.
3. To take more things out of the house
4. To gather any more info or documents he could find
5. And last but not least to try and erase any leftover guilt he may have felt for what he had done.

These men are fools and the other women are just as blind as we were not to see this... In my book, she can have him, they both deserve each other.

Susan I'm moving on......

I love how they go off and have their affairs, start searching us for any faults they can find to blame it on, then tell everyone how it was all mutual and come up with a bunch of reasons why our marriages were heading this way when they never expressed any of these reasons to us or anyone else before this....

Susan, did we divorce the same jerk? This is exactly what WK did! He's now "retconning" our entire past to paint me as the villain who "ran around" on him (I never even looked at anybody else in 18 years, while he, as it turns out, had affair after affair). And the Beast is doing the same, re-writing her entire personal history to match better with his...

Amen!!! An affair is NEVER OK!!!, cowardly & speaks volumes about scruples. My husband"s girlfriend supports the saying Karma on her facebook(I know I shouldn't be looking up his FB!). If she only knew that if she believes in Karma, her Boyfriend is Screwed!!!!!