Never got a thing for Valentines -- guess why? Cause it is WK's BIRTHDAY. Therefore, the day was all about him, and may all the Gods forbid I ask(!) for so much as a dang card. So much better off now - I can do what I want, when I want, and with whomever I want, even if that whomever is just me!

Speaking of "Gifts" reminds me of the gift giving my ex did for me on special occasions. I remember one Valentines my ex bought me a pretty gold heart necklace, which I loved. The next year he bought me the same gold necklace just like the other I had worn throughout the year... I didn't have the heart to tell him what he did, but then around our 12Th anniversary he bought me a set of small diamond earrings. The problem with this was that I had always mentioned to my ex that when I was younger I tried several times to get my ears pierced but they would never heal so I ended up wearing clip-ons for the twenty years I spent with my husband. I would even ask him at times to help me look for clip-ons in a store because it is hard to find nice ones when most places sell pierced earrings. I opened the earrings and said I loved them but when I went to take them out of the box I told him I would not be able to wear these... He didn't have a clue. I also remember a time he had my engagement ring made into a family ring by adding stones...but before I could show it to anyone... he went around telling me to show my ring that "He Got Me" to others I couldn't show it fast enough for him...All my gifts were usually about "him". One more just to bring my point to a close. I did not know it but I tore a cartilage off my rib somehow and was in great pain one night. I asked him to bring me to the hospital and he said it was late and he was to tired so I had to drive myself. The hospital gave me pain killers and told me I had to let it heal. I had to go to work the next day and told him (with the meds I was taking) I was told to have someone drive me for the first day or two. He told me there was no reason so I drove to work by myself even though I was feeling a little lightheaded. He found out the girls where I worked at a daycare center couldn't believe the way he treated me about the whole thing so the next day, to make himself look good, he sent a singing telegram to my workplace with flowers as well. He wouldn't have done this for me alone...It was to polish his tarnished reputation. I could go on and on with stories like these. I admit...I must have been a blind fool in love for letting him get away with this over the years, but my eyes are open now and I will never marry another selfish man or date one either. Love yourselves and your kids this Valentines.

Susan

Susan, your post made me laugh. My stbx is also thoughtless.

When you were telling your story of your rib incident, though, it brought back a LOSER memory of my own. I was on my way home from work one night about 9:00. I had my two young children with me (probably 3 and 6). I had an excruciating pain in my back that forced me to pull over. I ended up along the side of the road lieing in the ditch. My kids were running circles around me screaming "Mommy's gonna die, Mommy's gonna die." I tried to get ahold of someone to come and help but no luck. I finally got ahold of Jerk but he wasn't able to come and help because he was busy helping at his Dad's place. Really? So I mustered up every bit of oomph I had and drove the last 6 miles home. I pulled in the driveway, jumped out of the pick-up and proceeded to throuw up just as Jerk drove in. We went in the house, I took a shower and was pacing hte floor I was in so much pain. I quietly mentioned to Jerk that I thought he should take me to the hospital. In the years we had been married I had NEVER asked him to go to a doctor's appointment or anything else. Anyway, he fixed supper and sat down and ate before driving me to the hospital. When we got there I was put on morphine for the pain and in surgery the next morning. All he could say was, "Gee, if must have really hurt for them to give you morphine." Really?

Sounds like you have an ex like mine Becky. At the birth of our first son. I had an emergency C-section and during it my ex was down at the doctors end of the table making statements like...can you feel them cutting you, Susan, they just took out something in you and put it in this bucket here....etc. The Doctor finally said...Sir, I think it would be nice if you go up there now and be with your wife while I finish. Once again it was all about what he saw, where he was and what he was experiencing. The sad thing is my ex doesn't even see his own selfishness as it looks like yours does not either. Shame on selfish men who couldn't care less about their own wives at times.

Susan

Hey I got a "Really?!" story that fits right in.
I have Crohn's Disease. I had been sick for about 6 months. I couldn't eat, if I did I threw up. I lost a total of 44 lbs. I was in such terrible pain that I literally lived on pain pills. I couldn't function with out them. I felt like my insides were being twisted and pulled out.It was worse than labor. I worked, took care of 2 children the whole time, without help from him. I finally got tired of it. I called my surgeon and made plans to have a section of my bowel removed ( this was surgery #3) My ex would not go to the visit with me, he thought that I was being selfish and that things should just go on as they were. I was afraid I was becoming addicted to the pain meds. and refused to go another week without doing something. I went to see my surgeon on a Friday and he told me he could schedule me in for Monday. I told him that I needed to get a few things in line first so we scheduled for two weeks later.
I went home told husband, he refused to talk to me for the next 2 weeks. I really didn't care, I had to much to do. I cleaned every room in the house, got meals ready for the next few weeks, made a schedule of babysitters I would need. I knew I wasn't going to be able to do anything (my youngest was a little over a year, my oldest was starting pre-K so I needed someone to be able to put him on and get him off the bus) Anyhow I had EVERYTHING pre planned for him all he had to do was put them to bed at night. His mother would be at the house at 5am every morning.I had my surgery, I was to be out of the hospital in 4 days. I started running a fever (103) and my dr refused to release me for 6 days after that. My ex was so ****** that he didn't come see me in the hospital I was after all being selfish and making his life hard because he had to take care of the kids for a whole 10 days.
He treated me like dirt on the bottom of his shoes for the next 8 weeks. Told me I was"playing my disease to get attention" I had 32 staples going straight down the middle of my stomach but I was faking. And he wonders why I divorced him??? Really?!

OMG!!! Lisa, your husband sounds like a selfish**&%$#@
that doesn't deserve one tear to be shed in regards to his absense! May you look forward to all good things to come~

Lisa,

Your ex earns the "Cold-hearted Monster Award" for that one. I'll never understand how some hearts can be so wicked and lack compassion. That's it...He has no heart.

.......

Susan

The one good thing that comes from being married to someone so selfish is that you're relieved when they're gone. I remember once years ago when Jerk asked me if I thought he was a selfish person. I remember feeling very stuck. Yes, I did think he was selfish, but at that time our marriage was OK (Not great, but was it ever great?) and I loved him (why? who knows!). So I believe I lied. So many things I'd do differently if I had it to do over again.

And yes, Lisa, your story does take the prize. I'm so glad you have someone now that treats you well.

WOW Lisa! I know someone who has Crohn's disease and it is extremely hard to live with it and deal with it. The person I know had to have surgery as well and I know the pain they went through. Crohn's is a very serious condition and something you have to live with for the rest of your life. My heart goes out to you and he is a complete ...hole!!! You deserve so much better. And someday I believe you will find someone who will treat you and love you the way you deserve.

Why do we fall in love with people who don't give as much as we give? Maybe so we can that person who will someday. I have to believe we need travel down a certain road to get to the one where we will find real happiness & love.

I hope you are doing better with your Crohn's.

Mine proposed on Vday also which makes it even worse. I know think it should be banned. Everyday you should show loved ones how much you love them. It just gives guys an excuse to only do it once a year so they can feel good about themselves.