I have been divorced for over 10 years. My ex did not want set visitation, claiming he did not want anyone dictating when or when he could get our child. For many years he did not exercise his rights for visitation. Lately he has been bullying me and our daughter to get his way on when he wants to get her. He tells me all he has to do is call her and say hes getting her and pick her up. She is a very sensitive child and dislikes confretation so allows him to do this. I dont want her to be caught up in the middle so I just give in to his demands not matter what our plans are. He has emotionally abused her and has made her feel guilty for not giving in to his every whim. Whenever i talk with her about it she tells me its fine but to her friends she says differently. I feel like it's a no win situation. I dont' want to deny him to see her, I just want to have set visitation and for her not to go alot during school nights. I have tried to reason with him however; it's his way or no way! I feel i am at a loss.

sound like you need to get a lawyer or the courts involed...it is only going to get worse, his bullying is getting what he wants so in his eyes there is no reason for him to change his behaver and the fact that he has no thoughts of how this is hurting his daughter shows that getting his way is more important to him than your daughter's well being.

Going back and setting visitation might not be a bad idea. Any agreement made on the children can always be taken back to court. Have you documented his visitation-or lack thereof? We have visitation set but we are far more flexible than the agreement suggests. However, it does give us a framework and it does prevent the bullying from happening. If there were to be a huge conflict we would default to our plan-which, by the way, I think is far too lenient in his favor. My attorney told me it's about as good as I can get it. Grrrr. It's typical visitation with every other weekend, but the 1/2 summer deal and 1/2 Christmas break through me for a loop!!!! He left and now I have to be without my kids? But I digress. My stbx had that mentality (of your ex) as well until it was in writing. My comeback to him when he comments about them being his kids and being able to see them whenever he wants is "You should have thought about that before you left. You did this to our family, not me." That usually sets him back on his heels. I have made it a point to "be busy" a few times when he thought he'd come at the last minute. I have told my oldest (like it should be his problem) that he doesn't always know everything we have planned. I tell him it's good to make plans with his dad, but it'd be best if his dad talked to me first so we don't have any scheduling conflicts. So now when his dad asks him (yes him, not me) he tells his dad he should talk to me and hands me the phone. It takes the pressure off of him. Hopefully a judge will set the visitation to what is best for the child. Therefore, visitation on school nights would be limited. Good luck. How frustrating that he has not exercised his rights and now wants to! Keep us posted.

The flea got the visitation he asked for but now he wants more or so he says. He just wants, what he can't get. I give him more time with our son and he won't take it, but when wants to fight or just wants to bug me, he comes and throws that he wants more time with our son. I tell him where have you been, when this and that, I asked you to come and pick him up, then of course I throw his NEW LIFE on his face and he just leaves my house all mad and tells me at the end we will see who will win, What is that suppose to me, I don't know but apparently he seems to think he is the better parent. That just makes me laugh.

In your problem I do believe you ex should have set visitation and you should do something about now, he is just playing games with you and your daughter and you need to put a stop to it. Good luck and keep us posted.