I know where you are coming from Becky. My ex drinks, A LOT! I had a rule when we were married that there would never be drinking in front of my children. I was always around to make sure the rule was followed. My ex made it easy, he left, lol. He could never stop at "just one" Once he started drinking he continued until he was plastered.
I took the rule of my hone and made the courts acknowledge it as a rule to our custody agreement. I know it's only paper but my kids are aware of the fact that Daddy is not allowed to drink. I can stop any visit if I think my ex is drinking. I arranged the "drinking" holidays to be mine and mine alone. No New Years Eve's,No 4 of July's, No Labor Days, Memorial Days.
I told my boys that it is not right (or allowed) for their Dad to drink when they are around. Even one beer is one to many. Yes,I have enjoyed a drink or two but I either wait until they go to bed and have a glass of wine or go out when they are not around.

How did you get the courts to do this? My attorney, who actually is pretty good, just hasn't gotten too shook about this. I meet with him Thursday...I'll bring it up again.

Last night after the SuperBowl Grandpa brought the kids home. I'm glad he didn't if he couldn't, but seriously?

It was a make or break issue with me. We were in mediation and I told my ex's attorney that if my ex did not agree to this then I would make sure our custody issue made it to court. My ex was not at all happy about it but I don't think he wanted to pay his attorney more money to go to court. I don't care how much money it takes I will fight to make sure they are safe at all times.
I hate when people think that we ( the mothers) are just being difficult when it comes to terms of the custody. What is it my ex's attorney call it? Alienating? Well, if alienating my kids from his drinking, his trashy "wantta fight ya" d rinks a 5th of jack a night girlfriend, and sitting with babysitters while Dad's is working, drinking or just plain not there is wrong then slap cuffs on me and put me in jail.
I don't trash talk my ex, I tell the truth. Momma said that sometimes the truth hurts.
Sorry jumped on a soap box there didn't I? lol
Just make sure your attorney knows that YOU WILL NOT STOP until it you are taken seriously. You can always go back to court. Money is hard to come by believe me I know I'm looking for another attorney (mine is getting to busy) and dang if I don't want to choke every time I spend $100 to find out they are idiots.

How did your meeting go with your attorney Becky?

The night before the meeting Jerk called. He was asking all kinds of questions about the divorce process, what's next, etc. I suggested he asked his attorney...but his attorney won't return his phone calls. Then the conversation got interesting. He asked about our oldest (he's had a lot of problems with depression/anxiety-but you'd think he'd ask about the other one sometimes?) and I told him he had been doing really well except the night when he got back from the Super Bowl party. He didn't understant that...he thought the kids had fun. I told him it bothered his son that Grandpa brought them home. He didn't understand that...they like spending time with Grandpa. I explained that his son felt like he put drinking beer over taking care of him. DEAD SILENCE. Then he told me he wasn't drunk but he had promised Son that he wouldn't drive them home if he had more to drink. I told him that in school through the DARE program they are told to NEVER get in a car with ANYBODY that has had ANYTHING to drink. I told him that put his son in a bad spot. Does he obey his father or not? DEAD SILENCE. He said so they don't talk about moderation? I told him our son wasn't far from being offered a ride from a friend that has had 'just one'. Would that be OK? He said NO. I told him it could happen at anytime that a sibling of a friend whose had 'just one' might offer him a ride. Is that OK. He said No. I told him his kids were learning from what he did. Silent then..."Boy, it looks like I need to make some changes in things I do when I have the boys."

I know him well enough to know that if someone TELLS him what he has to do he retaliates. So...to make this LOOOONG (sorry for that) story have an ending, I didn't address this particular issue with the attorney. He's a Jerk but he does love his kids and wants them to be safe and happy. When he comes to a conclusion himself he usually sticks to that. If I continue to see a problem, I guess I'll address it then. I do know by state law if he shows up intoxicated I can keep him from taking the kids. The issue comes when he becomes intoxicated AFTER he has picked the kids up.

The divorce should be done soon..I hope. I am so ready to have this done. To piggy back off of how he HATES someone else to tell him what to do...he wasn't happy to discover that the state would be garnishing his wages for child support. However, he did have a chance to take some of my retirement, and he agreed to leave that alone. So I'm inclined to try to work with him instead of against him IF possible...but I will NOT allow the safety of my children to be compromised.

Well, Lisa, I guess I spoke too soon. I'm guessing he talked to his dad who told him what a rotten deal he is getting so he came back to me today and told me he DID want the portion of my retirement he is ENTITLED to. He's pretty hung up on that word 'entitled'. He went on about what he's getting stuck with. Since I'm filing bankruptcy (which is so against my principles) he is having to take all joint debt. Hey, it was him that couldn't save for anything, that had to use those D*** cards in the first place. So I don't feel one bit bad about that. He asked, "I think that's only fair, don't you?" I told him there was no part of this that was fair. Then I said, "Tell me what you can sleep with. That's what I'll tell my attorney." It's a small enough portion that it's probably not that big of a deal, but the principle of the thing is. I'm still best off to try to work with him when possible. If I go after him he'll get nasty, and right now is not fighting for any custody. I'm sure he won't like the visitation we have outlined, but I'll let his attorney change it if they need to. Hey, he's the one anxious to be done. No need to hurry here. Loser.

What a jerk! =( Guessing his dad didn't like you, huh? Jerk-in-LAW! x 2!

Funny thing is we got along OK most of the time. His Dad is just a control freak, and I'm too much of a woman for him. I refused to jump when he said jump and he didn't like that very much.

That's why my Mother in law hated me. Everyone in the family caters to her every want. Not me I do things my way. She never liked that I didn't need her to take care of us.
Well Becky I guess he needs that money to help with his non drinking problem. What a Jerk