I think my husband left tonight for good and I am heartbroken. We have been married 17 years and have had lots of ups and downs financially over the years plus we have a special needs child who is now a teenager. I'm an emotional eater and I gained weight from all the stress over the years which has infuriated my husband. There are other issues too, but those are the main ones. I should also say that I got sick with a chronic illness and so between that and everything else he told me last spring that he wanted to leave.

We managed to smooth things out over the summer but right after Christmas he told me again that he's not happy and he wants to leave! He doesn't have the money to move out, so the past several weeks I have tried to get him to go to marriage counseling with me but he refuses. He says there is no point. He also says there is no one else and that he never cheated but I'm not sure if I believe that. And I also suspect that he has been depressed ever since he tried to establish a relationship with his daughter that he gave up custody of before we were married and hasn't seen since. Now she won't speak to him though he always totally believed she would when she grew up. This rejection happened before he told me he wanted to leave last spring, so I can't help but wonder if this is the reason he is depressed and wanting to leave and putting all the blame on me.

Today he was off from work and we had a huge blowup and he told me that he does not love me and hasn't loved me for years and years and that he has only stayed with me for our child. He is so angry with me that I really feel he hates me at times. After our argument today, he left for a few hours in the afternoon and then came back briefly and told me that he found out how much it cost to divorce me and that he has an appointment with a divorce lawyer next week. Then he left again and has been gone all evening and it's almost midnight, which he has never done before. I have no idea where he is right now or with whom. I have a sick sick feeling in my stomach that he's now given himself permission to cheat on me since he's now initiating the divorce instead of talking about it and that he has officially left me even though all his stuff is still here.

Right now, I am miserable and heartbroken. I have no living family except my husband and child and only one dear and patient friend that I can confide in and a therapist I started seeing a couple of weeks ago. I am too ashamed to tell anyone else. I have never felt more alone in my life and don't know how I will get through this, the pain is unbearable. I just turned 50 and my husband has been my love for 23 of the 30 years I have known him. I thought I would grow old with this man. Now my life feels like it's over....

That's it for now, I just had to get all that out. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any advice or insight anyone can give me.

I don't know that I have much for advice, but I'm a good listener. Many parts of your post I can completely relate to. You are not alone. This website is a great place to go to find comfort and people who will listen and who have been where you are. Why are YOU ashamed? YOU haven't broked your vows? YOU haven't given up on the marriage? HE is the one that needs to feel ashamed. No one had any idea my marriage was as bad as it was because I was ashamed. I didn't talk about it. When Jerk left I sent out an e-mail to colleagues that I considered friends. It was brief..."The boys and I are needing your prayers. _____ has moved out. We are OK but would really appreciate your prayers." I got those prayers and more support than you can imagine! People are not judging me...but I would dare HIM to walk into my place of employment. My facebook friends list is very limited. So I simply posted "It's ____'s weekend to have the boys. I HATE this." My friends put it together. It saved lots of awkward moments for me having to explain it to people. My very closest friends were on the phone calling me, those a step away from that knew what they needed to know for the time being, and by the time people that I am not as close to have asked about it, I was in a better place to look them in the eye and tell them he left me.

If he were concerned about your weight because of the health risks, that's one thing. But if he is putting that much on your appearance, that's shallow. As you describe it I beliee it is the latter. I, too, have weight challenges. It really sucks and people not faced with that don't realy understand.

It is devastating. You will have days when you don't know if you can get out of bed. But you will. Your child needs you and you will get up and do what you need to do. You have already started a process with a counselor, and that will be helpful. A counselor can't take the pain away, but being able to talk about it and finding healthy ways to deal with the pain will be valuable.

Please let us know what happens and how you are doing.

Becky is right - you are not alone. This is a good site to get some support, we are all going through a terrible, challenging time, each ladies experience is different and yet also similar. Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. I am going to be 53 later this month and my husband has been the center of my universe for 32 years. We have four grown children, one granchild, and another due next month. Our marriage has had ups and downs but whose doesn't. I always believed that once the busy time of raising kids was past, we would be able to come back together like young lovers and that was happening until my husband went 1400 miles to his high school reunion last summer. He kept his secret for 2 months until August when I found out that he had run into an old friend and wanted to divorce me and move across country to be with her. I was completely blindsided and devastated. Still am 6 months later but that is probably due to my decision to work on my marriage, even though my husband assured me there was no chance of things working out between us. We have continued to live together and I have been the most devoted, loving wife possible. He was a wonderful support and did everything he could to be my best friend during the first very hard months. IN the beginning the situation caused us to talk a lot about all our issues. The closeness of that caused me to fall more in love with him than ever, even though I understood the risk. Unfortuately, our time is ticking to a close and I am not going to be the winner. Lately, I feel him slipping away from me, so much that I swear he becomes more distant by the day. I am having a hard time accepting that this is really going to happen. This is the hardest, biggest struggle of my life and I am going to lose the father of my children and the love of my life. There is so much pain, so much of my life is destroyed by his selfishness, yet I am somehow unable to stop loving him. In truth, I can barely summon anger, I am still too caught up in the overwhelming sadness. I know that I will love him forever, and even though I am the kind of woman who loves being part of a couple, who loves a man's attention, I am sickened by the idea of ever replacing my husband.
I too have told no one except two trusted friends. It's not so much that I am ashamed, although at first I did feel that I had failed as a woman if I couldn't keep my man. That has passed but I still am unable to imagine hearing the sympathy I know I will get without bursting into tears. I want, no, I NEED to be able to explain the situation without tears before everyone knows.
Enough about myself. Somehow writing here helps purge my feeling for at least a little while. Hang in there Heartbroken. I have to believe it will get better for all of us. I will add you to my prayers and if you're a praying woman I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same for me.

Thank you Becky and Alone for replying to my post and sharing your stories and insight.

This past weekend, I found out that my husband is a cheater after all and I made another post about it for everyone to read. I am absolutely stunned and heartbroken right now...

Becky-thank you for your words of encouragement and support-I needed them!

Alone-what you said about trying to work things out with your husband is so heartbreakingly sad. My heart breaks for you. Trying to save our marriage is what I want to do with my husband too, but after reading your story and judging by my husband's behavior it probably won't work for us either. The writing is on the wall, I fear. He has to want our marriage just as much I do and I don't think he does-not when he has a thin sexy woman in the picture. I think he just feels guilty about lying and pity for me. Not much to base a marriage on. You know, I never ever thought this man would do this to me. Not after knowing me for 30 years and being there with me when my mom was killed in a car accident and I was broken in a million pieces. What he has done is unbelievably cruel because he knew I was already broken in the first place. I hope I hear from you again, Alone, and thank you again, I appreciate it more than you could ever know.