I don't understand the Url and Msn Messenger so hopefully I can participate anyway. I have never used a chat room before, but I am working through the emotions of separation and at times feel like I am going nuts. Perhaps communicating with other women who are taveling a similar path will keep me from going over the edge.

I guess I was in a fantasy world, because I thought I could have a relationship with my husband that would be friendly even though we are separated, but each time we try to get together for a "date" things go wrong and we end up in a dark place emotionally. It takes a few days for me to level out again and enjoy the wonderful things in my life. I have great kids and wonderful grandkids and when I focus on that part of what my marriage brought into my life I feel so thankful, but on the other hand, I spent 37 years in a relationship that is very dysfunctional. Of course there is always two sides, but when addiction is in the midst one person in the relationship is beng lied to and putting up with behaviors that are very damaging.

After finally deciding I had enough of the lies and sneaky behavior, my plan was to work through the addiction problems, get a track record of sobriety, then perhaps reconcile at some level. However, his untruths keep me from being able to trust that he is clean and sober. I can not believe the depth of my sense of despair. I have a hard time stopping once I give in to the tears.

Hey, ReneeM, you are not alone. This chat room has been very helpful for me. There are many women here that have lived with someone with addictions. We can relate. Earlier we had a couple of threads discussing the concept of trying to remain friends after separation. The message I took away was overwhelmingly- CUT THE TIES. The marriage didn't work and there were reasons for that. If you find that after meeting with him you have to bring yourself back to a better place, why put yourself through that? You mentioned that you have great things in your life. Focus your energies on those things. And I think many will agree that we have given in to the tears and cried uncontrollably. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for days. A huge part of your life has ended. This is a grief process. It's not an easy process. In fact, for lack of a better choice of words, it really sucks. But you will make it through it. We all will. I hope to hear form you again. Let us know how it's going.