Ladies - I decided to do what some men do when they get on our site and try to swindle ladies. I got onto a Mens forum site and posted a question to a Psychologist posing the questions as if it was from my husband!

Well, I nearly died when this guy, yes a guy, replied to my email query. He told me straight up I would not like his response but he was going to tell me anyway. I could have written his reply, it was awesome! Finally a man with integrity.

Also said more than I can write on this site, but friends of mine who I showed the response to thought I had written it. I have printed it out and left it in the front of my diary to keep reminding me that he is an ahole! I do deserve answers as to why he destroyed our marriage by having an affair. I still to this day do not have any answers from him, but I have the satisfaction of now knowing that its HIM not me. He also said my husband was acting like an 8yr old child, and to grow up. Below are some extracts from the email I received.

You've been in a Men's Program for a year. Have they not taught you how important personal integrity and accountability are as a man? Just to let you know, it is the most important thing we have as men to honor and respect OURSELVES as well as the people we love. From my perspective, not only do you "owe" your wife a bunch of accountability for cheating on her and for blowing up a 20 year marriage, more importantly, you "owe" it to YOURSELF to face your wife, look her in the eye, and cop to your own bull**** of going back on your word. Until you do this, you will not be able to, as you say, forgive yourself.

By the way, what you call "emotional blackmail" from her because "she is looking for answers", I call cowardice on your part. You don't have the balls to be accountable for your poor choices, so you tell her to send you a list of questions because you don't have the balls to face her??? Get a grip on yourself, Man! What do the men in your men's group think about this? Have you told them about this crap?

You hold it against her because she is confused about your lack of integrity???? How does that work?

And what about the RESPECT that your wife has earned for being with you for 20 years, and you somehow feel okay about not facing her in order to answer her questions???? Don't you think she deserves a LITTLE more consideration than that? Not loving her is one thing, and if you don't love her, then it's time to move on. But not giving her the respect to be accountable for leaving her after 20 years??? I don't understand that at all. If you don't do this with integrity, you are doomed to repeat it with whomever the next girl is--your wife is 100% right on that one!

Anyway, if you have ANY of that pride left inside of yourself, step up and face your responsibility for going back on your word as a man. Just look her in the eye....answer EVERY question she has...cop to your lack of integrity...don't make any bull**** excuses. Be accountable for the choices you made. Otherwise you will not be able to forgive yourself, nor will you be able to grow into the man you are here to be. Taking the easy way out--which is what your email to me suggests--is only going to keep you being a little boy. And my hope is that you are tired of living your life through fear and shame.

Feeling like the cat that ate the canary!!

Wow Jo, I'd love for my ex to read this post. All along he has been a coward throughout our entire divorce and even now at times...It is nice to know there are REAL men out there. Thanks for sharing that.

Susan

Susan, yes there are good men out there, we just got unlucky and ended up with the rotten fruit on the tree. There are plenty of ripe juicy men out there to pick from, and we will find one, I guarantee it!

I am also encouraged that there are great, respectable men out there who stand up for family.

I wish I could just date/marry my Daddy...He is by far the best man I have ever know. My brother is a great husband/Father as well. But that is just plain gross and illegal...I could move to Utah

I wish I could marry my golden retriever- he is cute, sweet, loyal & loving but I suppose that would be gross too as well as illegal!!

I can relate to marrying your dog! My dogs love me unconditionally and never question me about my loyalty to them. Men could learn alot from dogs!! My 2 labradors are there everyday when I wake up, get home or just feel like sitting with them and crying. They get it, they really know how to cheer me up, they know that if I take care of them, then they take care of me..........job done!

I could marry my pup too..it would be a little less weird than marrying my Daddy