What do you have for temporary custody arrangements of the children? Can you and the kids find a place to live if he won't leave? It is hard on the kids no matter how it's done. My conselor continues to assure me it doesn't matter where we live as long as the kids feel safe and loved. So, find a safe place to love 'em to pieces. However, make sure your attorney knows this BEFORE you do anything.

Yeah, I hear you. I've been with mine 20+ years, have 2 kids too. Haven't filed yet, I have the info., waiting until next month to file because too much is going on right now and I have given myself permission to slow down so I don't have a melt down.

He knows. He is claiming to change. Gave me flowers and card for valentine's day, made my favorite food. I told him it was weird, that in all our years together, we have never celebrated valentine's day. he said he knows. Ok, and...? So...?? It's all a bunch of bull and I know it. I gave him a brief hug to be nice but that was it.

You know in your mind when it's over and when it is, there's really nothing the other person can do to change it. Mine thinks he can treat me like crap for 20 years then be nice for a month and I'll run into his arms? Ummm, no thanks. Where does your husband sleep? Mine is in the basement. I figure as long as he's not near me, I don't care. I'll use his money while he's here, take my time with the divorce to make sure me and my kids are taken care of. I feel the tension growing. he'll blow soon I just feel it. Knowing him, this will mean another drug binge (yaaaawwwwwnnnn....) So what, all the more evidence to get what I need in the divorce.

Hang in there, keep moving forward. He'll get the hint. The other day I felt like throwing him a bone, giving him hope so I can keep getting stuff from him (he was sick, I was going to ask if he was OK, maybe touch his head) but I couldn't even bring myself to do that, i just ignored him as I did my laundry. Mine was also emotionally abusive, extremely so, and has addiction issues. I wished I was dead and even attempted suicide (years ago, before any kids) and yet I stayed as he slowly stripped me of all self-esteem. But over the past few years I have been slowly putting myself back together again. It has been a very slow and painful process, and I am not done yet, but I am on my way.

I don't know how you can force him to leave, I couldn't force mine out. But you have filed, yeah! You are ahead of me, I hope to catch up soon! He'll get the hint as the divorce moves forward, he'll have no choice but to accept it. You'll be free soon. Can you imagine, after all these years, living without the oppression? "Oppression can only survive through silence." You keep doing what you need to do, this is his last ditch effort to keep you under his control. Stay firm in your words, if he starts again saying he loves you, tell him that's nice but you have filed for divorce and you will not be able to continue to live together. I gave up on telling mine to leave. I figure when the divorce is final, he'll have no choice. It's hard having the daily reminder, but I have resigned myself to the fact I cannot force him out so I just have to do my best. I lived with him this long, a little longer won't kill me. And before I lived in misery, now I live with hope. Probably not the advice you were looking for, but I hope at least you know you are not alone in this!

You might enjoy the book "The Milk is Still Bad" which was written by a divorce lawyer, its on Amazon under ebooks or kindle.