Well ladies where on earth do I start?

Think I told you about the Christmas incident (other woman, child at school left, o/w at my house etc). Well after it all kicked off it was the holidays. So it was silence from ex because he didnt have access to internet (email is his only way of contacting me).


Into the New Year and the emails started, at first testing the water 'I know you hate me etc'.

I had stopped being angry (its always short lived with me) and I didnt want further fighting. We kind of made peace. Once peace was established the emails didnt stop. And off my head went again.

The prozac seemed to be taking the edge of things and I was (am) calmer about things. Well I say that...hmmmm what happened next may dispute the calming effect of antidepressants...

Anyway, long drawn out story short, ex is telling me he has 'sorted the problem out'. meaning the o/w.
Im watching his movements (email times, answering phone etc) but also monitoring hers (all hail face book). And its looking like things are very different. All I want to know is that they arent in my house.

Then my head starts to wonder, can we work? We enjoy being together....he is soooo convinced we are meant to be together

One morning I get a feeling. Remember above all my issue is with the house (my house that he would never release me from), he can do whatever he likes with o/w (who has her own house) just not in mine.

I call in for a cup of tea on the way to work to find the conservatory door locked in a way that keeps me out (he turns the key).
And I see red. Because I KNOW. And theres not a thing I can do about it and later he will tell me I was wrong etc etc etc.
I walk past my rather large kitchen window and I hit it out of temper. Two more steps and I just hear it shatter.
So I think well, I can actually get in my house now, a little unconventional perhaps but still...

I climb through my window. Its all quiet downstairs. Im walking up three flights of stairs to my bedroom (the room that was my sanctuary) and Im thinking 'sh** Ive got this wrong no ones here and Ive just smashed my own window!!'

However on reaching the long climb, I looked over at my Super King Size bed and yes, yes there were two forms all snuggled up, fast asleep.

What happened next is something I am not proud of. Although I probably would react in exactly the same way should it happen again.

Both sleepy heads woke up VERY quickly, ex possibly reacting to the blows. Then I had my say but more importantly had my ex have his say in front of us both.
I told him to tell g/f exactly what he had been telling me. Kudos to him he actually did. He told her he didnt love her that he had always loved me and wanted us back together. He said 'she knows where she stands if shes honest with herself' and she kinda admitted that she did.

Apparently it was the first time he'd seen her in weeks and it was physical need that drove him.....anyway.

As I was attacking him I found it difficult to reach cos she was in the way, so I told her to get the **** out of my bed, she didnt do it fast enough so I kinda helped her.

I had at this point become the 'psycho ex'.

I picked up an office chair and threw it at him (he is unable to get out of bed) I then smashed some of my bannister and then threw that at him, (if he hadnt dodged..who knows?.
I karate kicked a massive beautiful Gothic mirror I 'used' to have, whilst throwing and smashing their wine glasses at my wall.

I said an awful lot of things, g/f tried to pacify me and ex stepped up and told her to shut up because everything I was saying was the truth.

Ex asked me to pass him his jeans so he could get out of the bed (now covered in projectiles)this led me to telling him 'you ******* got yourself in there ok you can get yourself out you ******* *****'. I decided Id best leave but told them 'you have destroyed my beautiful home, well if anyone has the right to destroy ITS ME'. I smashed in my bedroom wall as I left.

I went downstairs to cool off.

Ex came down, sat on sofa, I thought I had calmed down but then I hadnt. I poured a can of beer over him.

Lots was said, mainly by me, enquiring why they couldnt just use her house.
They started bickering, he told her to just leave. Then she said she didnt have taxi money, then ex asked me and I looked at him incredulosly and told him where to go. he found her taxi money. Anyway I offered them both a coffee because I was feeling a bit silly by now. I told them that they treated the house like a dustbin, that they should at least have respect for it.

I felt much better after my rant. It did have me wondering about prozac though??? Because if this is me chilled out???

Anyway g/f (proper ex now) left, I sat for a while and then sneaked out. I went a couple of days after to make sure he hadnt done something drastic to himself (he was pretty much destroyed).

He has cleaned house in major way, has reported ex to police and has harrasment order aginst her (she texted him constantly from getting into taxi day in day out-he didnt respond).

So ladies, apart from that its been really quiet my end.

Wow, Abbey!! Remind me never to make you angry!

Well, my friend, sounds to me as though someone had finally had enough. I can't say 'good for you' on the property destruction front, but at least you had your say at last!

Wow, you are so lucky you got to do all that stuff. LOL I really wish I could just smash something and be able to say it is mine and I can do whatever I want with it *grin* I currently rent, and that will not go over very well, but I'm thinking when I get my own house, I will christen it by breaking something hahaha. I'm happy for you to get your anger out

You know girls, ive tried all kinds of stuff from hypnosis to prozac but that was the BEST therapy Ive ever had. It shook me but it shook them more.

As my boss said 'it was a long time coming'.

It felt bloody fantastic, though goes against all my ethical codes... remind me to feel the shame at a later date...

Ex actually said 'respect' lols a few days after. was he scared? Oh yes!!!!!
Will he be fixing 'my' house up? Oh yes. Does ex G/F think Im toatally nuts? Absolutely.

He says its been a bit cold ever since (he has proper air conditioning now - uk Feb brrrrrrr) but he aint gonna moan!!! LOLS!

Some times trying to bottle our anger by ways of pills, yoga and all the other things we do for "self control" are not the medicine we need. I know when I left my house I clean house. I rented a dumpster and threw ALL of my ex;s things out. His books, his collectables, his clothes, his military treasures. I guess I should have felt bad but it felt sooooo good.
So destruction isn't always best but sometimes its just want we need.

I could never have the freedom to do what you have done...my ex would have used it in court. As it was he would take anything I did or said and try to twist and turn whatever he could to make it into something bad. Thank goodness there were people who could see through him, but I did do something freeing.

At the start of our breakup my ex had a construction business and he would pick up my weekly trash and throw it in his dumpsters...that is where our trash went when we were married. Anyways I went into my closet and gathered all the things I had saved over 20 years of marriage and 2 years of dating and one by one I looked at it or read it and put it in a large garbage bag.

There were love letters, poems, pictures, cards, candy wrappers, dried roses, ticket stubs, trinkets, matchbooks of places we ate, pamphlets and scrap books of things. I had my wedding cake top, my vow booklet, a tape of our wedding song etc...etc...etc..

I gave my ex the bag and told him to throw it out. I did not tie bag. I just walked away. It was my statement to him that it was over and I wanted him to know what I was throwing away..."HIM".

He called me that afternoon and said...Did you know what you are throwing out." (I knew he would look) I told him "YES, it is all trash to me now. It has no meaning anymore. He said "Oh, okay." and hung up.

He knew how much I treasured all those things. Every once in a while during our marriage I would pull them all out and go through each thing by myself or with him and go over the memories of our life. These things meant more to me than anything I owned and he knew this. My point was made and I finally felt like I wasn't the only one being thrown away. It was sad but freeing. I had something this other woman would never have...a bunch of "FIRSTS" and our young and carefree days...She can have the leftovers and his stolen firsts of her own...but it will never be the innocence we lost with time...I let go of this treasure and gave it all to him in a trash bag...and that states just about what I thought of all he has done to me and the boys. I know he lost something he can never get back...he doesn't realize it, but that's okay. I am at peace. Christ has better treasures in store for me as I heal.

Susan

That's awesome Susan, must have been a big weight off when you let those things go. I have not so many sentimental things: letters I wrote to him when we were on different continents and dating (I gave it all up to come back to States and marry him at age 19), a wedding album full of proofs I never had made into proper portraits, a video of the wedding my sister-in-law took (never watched it), and a picture of his and my names with a poem for each of our names that my brother had made for us. They are together, just can't bring myself to throw them (tell myself maybe the kids would like them one day...ummm....minus the letters!). But they'll be in the trash soon. I often say to myself I am cleaning out my house and getting rid of old trash, starting with him!

Here's to making new memories, ones that will bring pleasure when thought of, not pain!

Speaking of getting rid of posessions of memories, what that hell should I do with my wedding ring? What did you girls do? Perhaps I will ebay it or pawn it as in my opinion it's cursed!!

I've thrown a good deal of things that were sentimental to me, but the wedding photos and the rings? I don't every care to look at them, but the kids may someday want to. As for the rings (I have both since Jerk would never wear his anyway)...my oldest asked me to keep them, so I will just hang on to them for now ; (

Hi ladies, hi Abbey!
Well, haven't signed on lately but I'm gonna at this thread!
Abbey, KUDOS my dear.. reading your post I'm thinking, wow, great movie.. Think of this energy that Could be used for positive things IF the ex's would have allowed it to happen (meaning been responsible!).
I gotta say.. my now ex, would film me when he would completely stir things up & be packing my bags to get me out, or his leaving.. it would happen again & again & then when I was as you were, totally bent out of shape because he has ended us without due cause, just because he feels like it.. he'd pull out the movie camera & film me in my fit of rage over it..
THEN he would tell EVERYONE I had an anger problem..
I think it's GREAT that your husband is showing a little respect over the matter, my X doesn't understand that word,he just commands other's respect for him even though he never earns it.
&.. what to with wedding ring, one question on thread.. well my X sold his ring (twice/ he had to get a 2nd one because he sold the first) for gas money to leave town with when he left me...
& as to, " stuff," he would get rid of all of his memories of me EVERY time he left.. pics, ring, etc...

My vision of him now.. is that he probably has HIV, any # of other communicable sexual diseases, his sleeping with whomever, whenever, many girlfriends, that he continually lies to...
I have actually fallen out of love with him, have 0 respect for him, working very hard to control the continual anger @ him & the memories of.. which are destroyed basically in my mind.. I used to be able to let go of the anger, it would come & then would fade quickly..now it is constant, because I am only aware of the destruction that he did to my life.
I know it's all part of letting go.. but I guess what I am confused at is, letting go of what? how do you let go of 0? that's what it looks like inmy brain, his destroying Everything we had..

As to medication.. I think they can suppress to a degree. It might be necessary to get past something.. used for a time. It may have made a difference in your interaction (Abbey) but at the same time you were using it to help you get from point A to point B in your life.

The memories I hold most dear, now over a year since he left & divorced finalized? nada... thanks to X.

Your story made me smile.. I really don't know What they are thinking when they do this to us.. it brings new meaning to the word disrespect.
I'm glad you are ok & frankly it is good he saw you can defend yourself (against him & his little tootsie side kick in your house!)... Maybe replace the glass with unbreakable plexiglass? :) ya know, I think a person can forgive once, maybe twice but I know with my ex & many of our ex's or stbx's etc.. it's a lot more than that.. the destruction is core deep.
My X I am SURE talks about my anger problem ( at what? his continual leaving, cheating & lying?)..
but in my brain it's a flat line now......
he destroyed the memories.

I'm glad you are safe Abbey & that you can & do respect yourself. Your Re Action would be normal I think (I would react the same way)... meds or not...
that's my thought.

JLVR, good to hear from you. I would say letting go of the dream is the challenge. I had this conversation with my counselor just yesterday. I told her I don't grieve for him. I am over him, don't want him back, am glad he's gone. So why is it so hard? Well, I had a dream for my life, and that dream is GONE. I realize I can make new dreams and work towards those, but this one is dead, and so that's what I'm grieving.

Hi Becky. I hear ya.
It seems surreal to me. I waited yrs to marry, wanted to marry once. So I feel he PURPOSEFULLY brought huge destruction into my life in a way no other before him did.
I think it's different too, dating & marriage.. I never left with horrid feelings after dating because I still had my future to look forward to of marriage.. divorce is different & it's a big deal!!!
I've heard it's more difficult than death.
I just get so insensed because of all of the ....... I am still working on due to his total irresponsibility & still dealing with this over a year after he left!
It is dying of a dream.. what really bothers me is I wanted to marry one time. So I feel that he killed off that part of my life .. & for what reason?
I shared a heeping full before.. (smile) so as I shared there's so much to this & not easy for me to get back on my feet.
I've had chances to date.. but I guess I feel so swamped with all of the paperwork which is just Endless.. I can only deal with one thing at a time.
same ole :)
I think I am dealing more with social now than last year.. which is good. DIVINE JUSTICE. I say that one often!
I got a kick out of Abbey's post & could see that one turned into a movie (even a you tube one ! hee hee)..
GEEZ I remember when ex got out camera when he made me leave... he MADE ME pack my bags & to put me on plane to be homeless & got out his camera filming me upset.. & said he was going to share it with everyone to prove I have an anger problem (it was just SO NUTS.. start to finish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
he took what could have been beautiful & ruined it.
at least with the men I dated, before now ex came along.. I left with some good memories. I can honestly say that I just feel disgust at the ex.
Yes, it's about ending our dream .. & we did take the vows till death do us part. to me that is the clencher in it.. it meant NOTHING to him?
just disgust.. that's what I think about it all..
sorry.. ranting. :) seems like my anger has exacerbated since the first of the year...
the reality of it all has set in!
thks for saying hello!
we'll make it thru & I am sure it takes time.

I pawned mine the week I kicked him out.

Abbey, first off, good to hear from you. I have been thinking of you lately especially when I saw Elise 2011's post, and there you were and now here you are!

Second, regarding this post...ummm....wow! I think you did what most of us only THINK of doing.

I kind of had a similar experience a few years ago. Mine hasn't been with another woman (he's an addict, trust me, he couldn't get it up if he wanted to half the time ) but I remember one time (out of hundreds) he promised to change blah blah blah. So he didn't show up until 2 in the morning, saying he stopped by his buddies house, refused a beer, and the ***** must have slipped drugs in his drink (uh huh, whatever). I told him to get out of my room NOW and go downstairs and he didn't move fast enough so I "helped" him down the stairs. Just a bit. Another time he was smart enough to drag his *** to the guest room but I heard him come home and well, beat the you-know-what out of him. He took it like a man (curled up in a fetal position, protected his face). I tried to pull his ring off, saying how dare he insult me by wearing it (it won't come off). I punched him until my knuckles were bruised. But I tell you after that one, I swore this stupid man would NEVER have the power over me to make me lose control like that again. It was like being possessed. I knew I should stop but I couldn't. I swear he is lucky I am anti-gun because if I had one he'd probably not be breathing and I'd be in jail. I have felt anger before, rage before, but this was insane. It was only my inner voice, my "normal" self that made me stop. I felt true hatred. Awful

Now after 4 months of drink/drug to the point I thought he'd die (breathing sounds were so weird, if it was anyone else I would have called an ambulance. I left him. I didn't care. I hoped he'd die.) Then I go to lawyers to get info so I can file for divorce and all of a sudden he swears he's a changed man (again) that he loves me, I am his soulmate, there has ever been another, he only wants me, he can make me happy, he'll stop being a loser, BLAH BLAH BLAH and WHATEVER. Really? That's how you treat someone you love? Well, I don't need that kind of love, it's sick. He's sick and he's taking me down with him. He had a hold over me for 20 years. This is the FIRST time my eyes have been opened, I truly see my worth, truly see what he is, and know we are not right for each other. I am not even at odds with myself to keep from going to him, it's easy, I don't want him. I went through the phase of maybe I'll find someone else, now I am even passed that. I am honestly at peace with myself and do NOT NEED a man in my life. I don't even WANT one in my life. I just want to be alone and throw myself into my work. I have my kids to finish raising but once they are grown, I am off.

That's not to say I am not riddled with self-doubt, fears of the unknown. I have a hard time. I feel I can't relate to anyone. Not my kids, not my parents, I am shutting off. I know this isn't good either but I am sure it will pass like the other feelings did and eventually I'll come out OK.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers so this turmoil can end for you soon. I hope that experience was the end of one set of feelings and the beginning of another for you.

After writing all that, just want to say I hope you post more often, I have missed you!

You have me StrongSpirit. I miss you & am glad you are part of my life :)

This is a fantasy you would like to make real - Right?

If not, Great! Way to go girl. I loved it.

Abbey, I've been wondering how you're doing. Must've felt REALLY good to unload all of that anger. Hang in there.

I had a bon fire with all the pictures. My daughter and I went through all of them and anything she wanted she kept and everything else we burnt together. It felt great to see his face burn.

GURL! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! GOOD FOR YOU!

Now, just EXHALE!!!!

All I can say is GO GIRL! good for you. You have done what I can't do at the moment. My stbx went through his bedside table and sat with a garbage bag and threw all the cards/letters/memories away right in front of me. It nearly killed me to see him throw away a lifetime of memories with me. I can't do this just yet. I did make a start on the weekend though, I took down our wedding photos, photos of us at my sons wedding. It was very hard for me as I treasure those moments. But I have to keep reminding myself, that the man in the photo is the man I married. He is no longer that man. Thats the only way I can get past this. I also started packing his books into boxes and put some of my own things in the bookshelves to replace his books. I am buying new things to "make a new nest for myself" and am looking forward to the shopping trips with my girlfriends. Also going to move all furniture around as I need to move HIS chair out of my site. It still makes me sad to see it empty. But, OMG you have made my day! I don't know how you got the strength to do it, but as they say, revenge is sweet, even if it means smashing someone over the head. Take care and look out anyone who crosses you!

I enjoyed reading this thread... I can so relate to the posts & the feelings (or lack thereof after all of what we are going through!)..
My X also would throw away all of the, "memories, pics, etc." right in front of me.. Everytime he would leave me (which was often & without cause, he would get mad then pack my stuff up or his in a matter of hours & end it/move out etc..) he would toss the memories... & sell his wedding ring(s) for gas money on the way out of town...
my memory now is usually one of two things, blank slate (nothing) or the anger at what he did to me... My goal.. ? I'm not even sure yet..
I guess to figure out how to not be angry for all the destruction he caused. that alone is a challenge.
Oh & I am STILL mopping up the mess he made over a year later/ financial, etc.. it is all like one big nightmare.. ? for what?
I pray hard to make sense of it all..
Abbey... again, glad to know you are ok.
sorta reminds me of , "supergranny," the grandma on tv from britian that stepped in & clobbered the would be robbers? LOL

OMG! Abbey, your description of "the event", was priceless! I hope you don't take this the wrong way but when reading your post, I thought of the movie fatal attraction. Ironically, I always use to joke with my husband about cheating being risky b/c you never know who you are dealing with! Little did I know at the the time he was F*****g GOD knows who!! Anyhow, you certainly turned the tables & by the sounds of it scared your husband! I believe everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it was meant to be for you to stumble upon what you did so you could get your anger out & be able to move on. At this point you should do what is right for you, whatever defines that for you.

Anyone heard the song "Crazy Women"? I love that song and this post makes me think of it. We don't start live out being nuts..we are made that way by the people around us

Wow ladies, loving the responses.

Ok I have another admission that I just wasnt ready to make (think of my job!) after I poured the beer over him I then started to strangle him. Literally! Two hands round his neck SQUEEZING HARD!!!!!!!!!!
Whilst Im doing this the g/f walks past to get something out of kitchen, think she just wanted to get the hell out of my house........but she just left me to it. LOLS.
Im actually laughing as I write this now.

Going nuts has turned everything around. The bunny boiler o/w has realised that Im the daddy of bunny boilers. And I seemed so nice and reasonable for ages.... .

I couldve lost my job over this and thats the only thing that really freaks me out (although my rather fabulous boss was trying to cover my backside if It was reported, she also said 'about bloody time'.)

Ex has told me that had a complaint being filed he wouldve denied everything. I believe him.

There has been a total shift in everything and it would appear I am suddenly the one in control. He has a new found respect that I find extremely odd considering. he also wants me to help him sort his problems out. His phone is broken and has a mind of its own now, he told me 'I think its from when you threw it against the wall'.
All really very odd.

I kept my wedding ring until one incident with the o/w, I then drove to the house and left it by the kettle where he could see it had been returned to him. he told me after this actually crushed him. I also put a garden fork though our wedding photo in the bed........just to get the point across.

Well if I didnt sound crazy before I certainly do now. All I can say is that I was driven to it, im small, friendly and in the main extrememly sensible and logical. No honetsly I am!!

Anyway my friends, I had great fun and was smiling very much within the hour once Id calmed down, thinking 'sh** did I actually do that?'

I did. Im not sorry.

I tell you, I hurt all over the next day, aches and pains in places I didnt know I had, so ladies, if your gonna do this remember the importance of warming up first........

God love us all.

LMAO (sorry God I realize this is serious...)..

Hey, I wonder if you could go into business?
like Ghost Busters..
ya know, have a card & # we can call when we need backup?
well I say 3 cheers & way to go..
hey, if you run into any legal problems, you could blame the prozac, right?

I think one thing that bothered X was that unlike his ex before me who stayed drunk in order to put up with his b.s., I got back in his face when he was a JERK.
I would attempt to go silent at times but he was abusive & think one reason he continued to leave me is I didn't put up with his cr@p.
He didn't Want to be happy.. I believe that with all my heart & soul.
I'm glad you are OK Abbey & that you didn't get hurt etc.. & I pray you never have to go through this again.. KUDOS!

JLVR, Blesss you, but if I do go through this again then youll need even more popcorn.

there never was any real danger of me not being ok, as for them well it was 50/50. Keeep smiling my girl, just keep smiling.

LMAO I wonder if Julian or Bob have a work out tape "Crazy B*tch Warm up"

Well if they need a lead role

IM UP FOR IT!!!!

LOL ladies.. yes popcorn & super idea of Bob & Jilian .. what was it, "super b*tch?"
crackin up.

but don't like the b*tch title.. 8)
SUPER WOMAN, self defense

B*tch/B*st*rd Busters? I love the Bob & Jilian
addition.. Love it! lol & popcorn yes!

Latest update to keep you posted.

Ex exg/f has begun her texting war, she sent to 'wrong person'. Then she outright text him calling him pathetic and that if he reports her to police she will show them her texts.

I walk into my house and ex cant wait to show me the texts to prove that shes nuts and wont leave him be. He asks me if he should phone the police straight away, I suggested leaving it for this occasion (hey I also need my soap storyline fix).
He has fixed the kitchen window and hunted the smoke alarms out. I get the feeling he is a little nervous!! I think she threatened to petrol bomb the house. She wont but ex is feeling somewhat fragile and vulnerable. Lols.

On her facebook she is telling the world she dumped his sorry ass....she hasnt mentioned her hundreds of texts, pleading to meet him and subsequent harrasment order against her. The temptation to write on her wall is considerable but then my cover would be blown and as we know, its better to keep the enemy close.
She was texting my ex that she was out being wined and dined and being 'really spoilt'. I was unable to tell him that infact she had a new high score on bedazzle, so mustve nipped out to go to the ladies, shot home, signed into facebook, made her high score and then legged it back to the restaurant just in time for dessert.

I also have popcorn....