My goal was to not have my daughter be a statistic! Wanted her to grow up in a house, with both parents, a dog etc. well I held on longer than I should have. Although she is 17 and graduating in a few months, she hates her father and has expressed to me that she thought about killing him because of his lack of love and alienation from us. We went to court on Valentines Day Yes this past Monday and now after 15 years we are legally seperated. Im bewildered to say the very least. I am 100% sure that I as an individual will be just fine in time but It hurts to look at my child in the here and now and know that she will have daddy issues throughout her adult life and her father who depends on me to be the glue cant do right in the marriage so he will self distruct during the seperation. He is a corrections Officer who comes home and gets falling down drunk every night(Litterally)then he urinates in the house and passes out. most recently he totaled our car on his way to pick my daughter up from work. the entire passenger side was destroyed (where she would have been had he made it to her)There is a good ole boys network amongst law enforcement that has enabled him in fact that night the paramedic on the scene was my neighbor and the State trooper waited with my ex for the wrecker and drove him home after knowing he was drunk.

Good for you for finally leaving! I am taking the first steps to leave my husband of 8 years. Although he does not get falling down drunk every night and does not pee in our house, he does drink a few beers every night and sometimes gets drunk during the day sometimes and has hurt our kids while "playing" with them. He too will probably self destruct when I leave, he has no idea yet that I am looking for an apartment.... I too felt like I wanted nothing more then to raise our 2 girls in a house with both parents, but what's that worth if their parents aren't happy? A happy mom = a happy child! No child wants to see their parents fight all the time.

Ahh, statistics. Curses on them! Yup yup, I get it. I found out that the year I came to the US (I was a little kid) was the year of a high immigration rate because the borders were going to be tightened. What? I was a STATISTIC??? I HATED it. I married at age 19. Statistics say my marriage will fail. Well, dammit, I was determined to prove them all wrong! And I was married in early '90's increasing my chance for divorce even more! Made me dig my heels in even deeper. I wanted to be able to say, all the odds were against us, but we MADE it. Even now these thoughts are in my head. But then I realized I am a statistic. I am an emotionally abused woman. I am the spouse of an addict. That SUCKS. But it's the truth. So now I want to be a different statistic, join the ranks of women who initiate divorce because they just won't put up with his crap anymore. Whether we like it or not, we will be lumped into one group or another. We will be labeled, either by ourselves or others. But it's all meaningless. Choose the group you want to belong to (strong women, taking care of themselves!) and slap whatever label you want on your head, just make sure it's a GOOD one. It has taken me a loooooong time to be willing to let go of this. I was willing to suffer just to prove "them" wrong, to be one who beat the odds. But in the end I lost anyway. I lost myself. So time to change my perspective. One of my all time favorite quotes: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Your daughter will be a statistic, but the group she will belong to is that of a child with a strong mother who taught her to value herself.

You are so right stronspirit.

We are ALL statistics one way or another but we can choose which group we want to be in.

And for all those ladies feeling the guilt of not staying for the childrens sake heres another statistic. Two women a week are killed by their partner /former partner here in the UK.
I work with children who have lived in abusive homes and have now left. Not one of them wants to revert to their 'old' life.
Ivy, it is right to leave when the relationship is abusive or has broken down. The children will pick up on anything, so rather be in a calm place where you can heal together rather than trying to prop each other up through a daily battle ground.

I lived with a man for 20yrs that had affairs every 4-5 yrs. My daughter who is 19yrs old has had father issues since she was 8yrs. Now that she is older she has told me what took me so long to leave her father. Now through her schooling she is dealing with her father issues. It is good that you and your daughter communicate, and it is good that you are thinking of her, think on how much more happy she will not seeing you go through all the things you are going through. My kids have told me, they are happier now that dad is not home anymore. Take care and keep us posted.