I shouldn't take it so personally, I guess. But this woman, whom my ex hasn't even known for 2 years, is now his wife (wtf), and has pushed and insinuated and bulled her way into every aspect of the family, even though she has been told to her face that she is not welcome, liked, or even tolerated.

Each and every member of his family (with the exception of his mother) has told the Beast that they still consider me a member of the family, and if she doesn't like it, she can stay the frak away. And WK has already made it plain that he will not write his family off for her, and in so many words. As I'm sure you can imagine, that went over like a lead balloon, LOL!

I understand that everyone is under an enormous amount of stress right now, and that makes things weird, because of course with WK and the Beast in the picture, where do I fit? besides which...I hate hospitals.

Hey Deirdre,

maybe you should be the driving force of these relationships for the moment. Maybe they dont know the divorce etiquette (do any of us?) but if you love these people and they love you why should you step aside? I reckon you should step up NOT aside (o/w is is banking that you do).

Tell these people you love them, you are there for them regardless of the divorce and it is their choice if they still want you in their lives.

A little honest open talk might be what is needed. People may indeed be trying to spare your feelings or simply dont know how they are sposed to manage it. I hope you can shed some light for them and then continue with your 20 year relationships that shouldnt be tossed aside cos no one knows the rules!

Dont lose people you love when it isnt necessary. Thats my two peenies......

I think Abbey has a great point. I say step up. You have to sleep with the decisions you make. You are already feeling rejected, so really, what do you have to lose? Nothing. But you might GAIN something. Let us know how it goes.

My MIL was in hospital and no one told me. stbx even visited her, never told me or kids. I found out when I was visiting SIL, when she was already back home. I was obviously hurt and I asked her to please call me (she said she assumed stbx would tell me, I said no, he doesn't even speak to me). So next time she did and I went to visit. They just assumed I would be told. So remember they are under stress too and figure if they tell a few people word will get to you. But I asked them to please call me directly, that I do care and I do want to know and help in anyway if I can. So as the others said, you can step up and say something. Let them know you care and ask them to please let you know directly, I am sure they will.

By a lovely and wonderful chance, I am talking with my SIL right now! =) I took Abbey's advice, and also remembered that everyone is super-stressed out right now (from speaking with WK this morning - very early - I understand that the Beast has NOT helped at all, surprise surprise), and it is NOT a reflection on me, and I am NOT being rejected! Happiness!

Where's the LIKE button?

FABULOUS!!!!!!

We just need to remember that others are also not sure how to proceed.

keep those dear to you, close to you.

Im soooooo happy for you Deirdre.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

There is also a "gotcha" happy ending here -- WK and the Beast were right there when s-i-l and I were talking, and s-i-l texted me the following when she popped out to visit the loo: 'You should have seen the look on (Beast)'s face when she realised who I was talking to! she was mad enough to spit nails! LOL! (WK) just thought it was great that you & I were talking!'

So there was a cherry on top too!!!

Great stuff!