Alone,

your post is really touching and I can in a small way feel how you have been feeling through your ordeal. Your user name says it all really.

I pray you and your whole family find strength and guidance needed.

I pray mostly that you can find something else to fill your life. Sometimes it is when we change and do something for ourselves that others look at us in a new light. For years we have played one role (mum/wife) this tends to dull peoples perception of who we really are and instead of seeing 'us' they only see the role we play.

So for you Alone, I pray you find something in life for YOU. Something that supersedes your former roles and brings you back to life so that others may see the very real you.

I pray you find something that leads you back to you so the actions of others are not so painful and not so life consuming for you. This is your life too you have as much right to find your peace and hapiness as anyone.
Fight as we may to save those things around us, sometimes it is only when we stop fighting and turn our sights away to other things that can fill our needs that suddenly the tides of war change.

Look after you, this is your biggest challenge, but I stronly believe that when you do start looking out for you, things around you will change.

Sometimes people need to be reminded theres a real, valuable, unique, individual under all those roles.

Turn your focus inwards, Alone. What do you need? And if you can not have one thing then what else might you like to try? What interests YOU? What makes YOU smile?

Do the things you always wanted to try but didnt because you put everyones elses needs before your own.
It is NEVER too late until we stop breathing.

Do not talk yourself down. Talk yourself UP!
Dont tell people you would like to try this or that, they will talk you down because it is unexpected of you. DO IT FIRST.

There is always something we wish we had tried. Whats yours? Seems to me a more than perfect time for you to try something new, just for you.

Keep smiling and find your strength not for your family but for you. In the end it will bounce back for your family anyway.

Its time to think about YOU!

Dearest Alone, I said a prayer for you even before I read your post. You have been so brave in fighting so hard to keep your marriage together.

I also was married for 32 years. We've been divorced for less than a month now. I fought as hard as you did for six months and was so torn apart inside and in so much pain. Then the stress affected my health to the point where I almost died.

In the 7th month of this terrible trauma I filed for a divorce. Once I made the decision I was able to start letting go of the pain. I kept hoping he would tell me he didn't want a divorce. That never happened.

I hope you have a better outcome than I did. One thing that really stands out to me in your post is you said he "has been the most supportive friend" you could hope for. Like the old saying goes: with a "friend" like that, you don't need any enemies. Even if he lets go of his other woman and your marriage continues, after this, I wouldn't trust him any more than I could throw him.

Well, as I said, I hope you have a bettern outcome than I did and that either way, your life becomes happier and more peaceful than it is today. Hugs!

Oh, Alone, I feel for you. I have said a prayer for you and your family.

You said so much in your post. You said you're at a point where you would almost welcome him being gone. You also said you aren't sure that you can trust what he said. I understand that fight between your head and your heart. Sometimes we have to wait for our hearts to get to the point where you have gotten, and then we can begin to let go and heal.

I don't believe he has been a friend through all of this. I believe he has comforted you for his own selfish needs-to releive is own guilt. When my stbx left he wanted to hold me and comfort me. I told him he lost the right to EVER touch me again. I know he was surprised at my strength. Your husband should feel guilty. The vows he made were to you. He has been disrespectful and put you through so much.

Nobody can tell you what you should do...you have to live with your decisions. I believe you have fought hard for this marriage and that you will be able to sleep well knowing you gave it all you had. I also believe you can feel content with a choice to let him go. You deserve better than this selfish man.

I pray for you Alone. I pray that your marriage works for good.


I too after 30 years of marriage, blindsided, my soon ex betrayed me. He found his high school sweetheart online and rekindled their relationship. The thing is that I can not accept to still be married with him because it goes against my moral values. I believe that he cheated and will always be a cheater. I want peace. I do not want to live with him now that I can no longer trust him. It is not easy for this decision I made but God is my STRENGTH.

I will pray for you & my heart goes out to you.
What is it with these men?
Do they not even care about their salvation?
They do whatever the $@*$ they want without care of whom they hurt!
You'll be on my prayer list.
Hugs.

Alone, I wish I had some advice for you but I am stuck were you are-my heart won't listen to my head when I know every thing he is doing is wrong and that I should be strong and kick him out. So much easier said than done.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Alone, prayers for you and your family. I am like you also, don't want the divorce, he's been gone 9mths now and each day that passes it gets easier to move another step closer to being ME. I like myself, am doing so much now in my free time, by free time I mean not mowing the yard, cleaning the house, cooking his meals, doing his washing blah blah. I only have ME to look after and I am getting very used to it.

This in no way means that I don't love him, but its his choice to leave me and our life, it wasn't mine. So I have decided to finally look after ME. You are a beautiful person with a lovely spirit, it comes through in your posts.

Keep the faith, God is the only one I turn to now to ask for his guidance and love. He keeps me safe, and when I can't sleep and go through this mess over and over in my head, I just say to myself, God keep me safe, and it works, I go straight to sleep, HE is always listening and watching out for us. Take care, you will get through this one tiny step at a time.

Thank you ladies for your kind words and prayers. Your support has helped me so much. It has been a long, thoughtful weekend. He will be with her until Tuesday evening and with him gone I've had lots of time to think. And to notice that as lonely as it is, it is also nice not to have to worry about another tense discussion or about hearing words from him that pierce my heart with grief. I love him and want our marriage to work. I believe it can work. This is the time couples work toward and it is so unfair to arrive there by myself. So I have decided to wait and watch to see what his attitude will be when he returns. If he really had tough talks with her and if those talks brought the stalemate he told our daughters he expected, with neither of them willing to move across country for each other. I will have to wait and see if those hopeful words I heard last week about considering the idea of working on our marriage were true.
For those of you still struggling please keep hope and faith. You will get stronger. I did and believe me if I can anyone can.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers. I will pray for you all too - for you to have strength, courage, faith, hope, honor, grace, and love.

prayers your way, May God also give you the strenght and health to see this through