We are separated but living in the same house because of finances. Married 30 years, four children age 9-18. I just went looking for my paintings that I created, 10 of them, to put up on my bedroom walls, and he threw them all away! I am so hurt! Some of them were 35 years old, others 25 years old, beautiful paintings that I cherished. He did it to hurt and punish me! What can I do?

Hey Broken,

has he told you he has thrown them away?

If he has then I am so sorry.

What can you do? You can let him hurt you this way or you can paint more and better. Put all those emotions into your pictures.

Again I am so sorry.

I do not understand why people do things just for the sake of hurting others. Does it REALLY make them feel better? Perhaps in that moment, but in the long run-not usually. In your home do you have places that are set up as HIS space and YOUR space. You cannot get those paintings back, but perhaps you can protect this from happening again. If your bedroom is YOUR space, put things there that are important to you. Put a lock on that door if you need to. And then show him that nothing he oes will take you down. Paint more pictures, hold your head high, and live YOUR life regardless of whee he is living.

Let us know how things are going. Hang in there.

broken, that is terrible! I agree with Abbey, paint some more (and keep them at someone else's house!) Mine was the SAME way. If it wasn't his, he threw it out. I had made something, he broke it, but it could be fixed (this was early in our marriage, I didn't know him so well then). I was MAD, I told him he broke it he had to fix it. Well, his way of fixing it was to throw it away! I was devastated, it was something I was proud of! He also got rid of a couple other of my things that had deep sentimental value or I just loved and to him it was junk so he got rid of it. What a jerk!

Think about the Tibetan monks making their sand mandalas, they destroy them afterwards. You just have to think of it in a different way to make it not hurt. Maybe it can symbolize the end of a sad time, and the beginning of a new time. Teach yourself to disconnect from material objects, remember it's not what really counts. I know it's tough, to this day I have resentment towards my stbx about his viewing my possessions and creations as trash, but then again he's always treated me like trash so I guess it's not too surprising. I just keep reminding myself they were just things, I am still here, he sucks, I don't

So start painting some freedom pictures, you'll never know what you will create with all of this new energy!

I believe with time comes wisdom and understanding if you allow the events of your life to become lessons. Nothing material last forever as well as some non-material things. To put things into perspective...think back when you were a small child, do you still have the clothes you had, the toys you played with, the projects from school you have done etc...anything that was once your great great grandmothers is more than likely dust by now.

In my faith one does not stand at the pearly gates with an armful of things and a suitcase. I believe our life on earth is just the beginning and we are here to learn and grow from each decision we make in life. I save things that I have gotten or created throughout my life to bring about the memories that come from them, but as I go on I have learned that even if the object is no longer there, the memory is, the happiness it did bring me is as well. If I saved everything I created or collected I would be sleeping on my porch with a house full of junk....

I think, like the others have stated,...this is a lesson on letting go. Just because you let go of an object does not mean you have to let go of the memory. Even the Bible states to not store up your treasure here on earth...but to seek heavenly treasures like...making some one's sad day turn around, listening to a friends hopes and dreams, kissing a scrape away on your child's knee, giving a stray dog or cat a new home, finding wonder in a sunset or a cool walk on a sandy beach or the act of painting itself. These are the things that last throughout our lifetime. I'm not saying we can't treasure and love our creations and things we may obtain, but to learn to let go when it is time and to make room to enjoy other blessings ahead of us.

I remember reading an article where they asked the question "What do you wish most for the end of your life?" To people who were soon to die and their answer wasn't money, more things, a bigger home etc... It was things like, more time with my children, getting more joy out of the things around, doing things I put off out of fear etc....To bad we weren't born with all this wisdom, but learning it makes us value it more and understand it more as well. So I will get off my soapbox and like the others, ask you to let go and move on knowing your making more room in your heart to fill it with new blessings.

Susan