I'm just 10 months into this, but I have no good memories. If a good thought slips into my mind, it is soon interupted by something negative. I am struggling right now with the hatred I have for him. I remember all of the hurt he caused me. Good memories? I have none.

There's no closure....so we sorta rehash the arguments, thoughts, feelings...but hopefully one day, it will get less. Fill your life with other better things.

Dee

Well, Im swings and roundabouts really, except in my dreams where all I do is call him names and get very angry.

I am in the process of writing a journal for him. The first few pages are something I wrote many years ago about how unhappy I was and how he was making life unbearable. I have continued from there describing 'pivotal' moments in our marriage that began to turn the tide. He has said many times that he wishes I would tell him exactly how it was for me. Well this way I will get heard without interuption and without minimisation. He is unaware I am doing this.

We communicate differently. For me writing is the best way (my ex says 'you dont say anything and it drives me nuts'). I have told him when I have something to say I will say it.

Maybe if you wrote it down, what he did, how it made you feel, maybe it would help get it out. It seems to me at least thats it all inside you with no where to go, I want you to get it out for YOU. How you do that is up to you to figure out but carrying it around wont hurt him, it will only cause you harm, so you have to figure out a way of releasing it. If not he is in a way winning a secret battle......

You dont need to show him what you write do it for you. When youve got all the crappy memories out that hurt you in some way, burn it or do something significant with it that signifies the ending of the anger.

It may sound like nonsense but sometimes we have to by pass our conscious because the subconscious is the one causing us grief.
The action of doing it may have more of an impact on our subconscious than we imagine.

Find a way my friend because being angry is a point scored to them. What we all want is to be free.

You can do it.

Abbey, what I really like to do is beat the s*** out of him. But, since I know that wouldn't turn out well for me, I guess I'd best be seeking other options. These feelings kind of crept up on me. I think I was so in survival mode that I hadn't yet dealt with all of these emotions. My counselor and I had a conversation the other day...during the marriage I didn't deal with the hurt because it got me nowhere. I covered it up and moved on. So I have NEVER really faced the hurt he has caused me over the years. Of course if you were to hear him tell it it has been a perfect husband and I'm impossible to please. Who am I to expect him to come home at night, to work jointly on our finances and to help raise his kids? I hate that he has this power over me-my subconscious. I have complete control over my conscious...it's the subconscious killing me here.

I would love to beat the sh*t out of my ex...but then he has his pro wrestler GF with him all the time.
She is 4 times my size so yes I am scared
All my good memories of my ex are clouded with the crap he has put me through in the last 2 years since I filed for divorce.
I used to keep a journal for my ex. I started writing in it before we got married and every year for our anniversary I would give it to him so he read how I felt about him. It was months of love letters to him, I wanted to let him know that even though I didn't always express my feelings I still felt them. A few years later the journal became more of a collection of hate mail...he wouldn't read them once he seen the negative feelings I was having because of his actions. It was too truthful for him.

I got to admit beating the sh** out of them is very cathartic but I got lucky so not something I would promote.....unless you knew for SURE youd get away with it

I wouldn't mind the opportunity to beat the stuffings out of WK's little Beast -- and the way things are going with them at the moment, he might help!

OMG
So glad to hear someone else feels this way.

I KNOW there were good times in my marriage. In fact I thought it was pretty good until a year and a half before the divorce when he said he wasn't sure he wanted to stay married.

Granted he always said he wasn't happy. I didn't want sex every hour of every day, (while raising 4 kids, having a job and doing most of the housework) ((also getting NO romance)).I wasn't able to make our paychecks pay for EVERYTHING he wanted.

Been divorced 6 months and most nights I still go to bed thinking about what a JERK (and that's putting it mildly) he is. I flip off his house daily.

The good memories... Lost somewhere in my mind.

Guess what I'm trying to say is this is normal. If not I am just as messed up.

Thank you ladies. I just needed to know if what, what was going inside my head was normal. I wanted to know if other woman out there felt the same way. Thank you, thank you, thank you..

I kept a notebook and would write letters to my husband after he would abuse me so I had a forum to abuse him without him getting retaliation. I would start off with very neat handwriting and the more I wrote the larger and sloppier it got. I would never give them to him just wanted to tell someone (or something) what I couldn't tell him face to face. When I started my journey to no longer be a victim, I would go back and read my letters to him and that gave me the strength to move forward and take the control back he had on me. I realized that holding on to the hate and resentment I had toward him kept his control over me so I went through many years of counseling to let it go. When my soon to be ex realized I took my power back, it made him nuts!!!! Point is, don't give him that much power over you. Soul search and let it go because losing you is his loss and you moving on makes you a winner. It is possible. If I did it, anyone can.

In response to everyone wanting to beat the sh** out of him and his skank new girl friend. . .I have found something that makes me feel better. I split wood. It has been cold and I do love a nice fire, so it's helpful, too. I take the axe, look at the wood, and with all the anger and hate that lives inside, I slam the axe into the wood. Ahh! What a release! (It helps to picture his head on the wood. . .)

I think Abbey's idea of writing a journal is good. Three days after he left I was in Target and picket up a spiral journal. It has saved me, it really has become a lifeline for me. I don't know about good and bad memories mine are all jumbled still. But everytime I had wanted to call him, when I want to beg him back, when I am so lonely for him I feel like I am hanging on minute by minute, I reach for my journal. I have been dating it and writing the time since I started. Some days I may just jot down a quote or thought. Then there are the days that I have been having this week where I have written in it several times a day. Pages and pages, sometimes it has been like letters to him and then others it has been a way to vent or a place to put my emotions. Anyway I would recommend it, you can look back after a few months and see how far you have come! Good luck!