I'm at the same place as Becky is.

The advice here is good. I am needing to read about divorce healing.

So much of this in the beginning is about legal & survival after they pull this C#$P.

What Does work for me is to try to remain true to my beleifs & do what is right.

What comes to mind...

the saying, "give them enough rope & they'll hang themselves!?" << just a fact, sad but true. pretty much fits with the EX I was married to.

Lettingo-of, a while back, we had a thread about just that-giving them the rope and time to hang themselves.

Jerk was upset that this process is taking so long. Somehow that must be MY fault? So he quit paying child support and housing support. His exact words, "I'm not giving you one more dime 'til this thing is settled. This is ridiculous. What is taking so d*** long?" My fault? Hmmm. I didn't react by freaking out as he expected I would. Instead, I calmly stated ,"Well, I guess some of our bills will go into default." Then I contacted my attorney who in turn set up a court date. Days before this court date Jerk and his attorney were scrambling to stay out of court-and very agreeable. He's mad about the time frame again so I'm wondering what bomb he'll drop this time.

EX didn't come through on his promises either. If they will Cheat you in the marriage, it is Highly likely they will after. Their words are not true (my experience & seems to be what others are saying here too). When they play this game, they want away completely to start their life over (with someone else). They run in sudo grief mode for a Short bit (usually With another woman by their side as they hack us apart in every way)... in time they are so wrapped in their own grave they have dug, they backpeddle, trying to get out of $, relationship with other (& then looking for More women) like some homeless child /whahhhhhhhhhhhhh
they are looking for a MOTHER so if you think they will pay your bills.. LOL at least this is my perspective of cheating EX.
don't hold your breath.
Becky, I'm at the same stage you are.
When I think of any good memory (& anymore I don't find that even happening).. I know that he is with other Women now & ALL of the memories in my head are destroyed as what they were. when I think of EX it's like a nightmare scenerio in my head..
I have a feeling these, "types," of guys think we hold onto precious memories of them.. ready to envelope them into our arms at any given moment.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GROSS. I seeth the thought.
let go & let GOD. I keep telling myself this.
I'll backtrack to see if I can find the thread on Ropes & hanging. If EX EVER wants to come down this memory lane he will find the road grown over, with weeds & thistles. He wrecked it.
I am thinking that perhaps after the anger there will arrive a point of nothingness that I feel about it all/him. I see that on horizon.
Your icons say it all Becky.

Barb,

I see where you are coming from. What would happen if three years down the line ex wasnt feeling guilty anymore and rather was feeling trapped by the house thing? Legally you have to watch your back for if/when feelings change between you. Make it so tight the legal arrangement that no matter if you detested each other you still had your security.

Barb, the guilt will go and the o/w may very well resent any 'favours' she sees him doing.

I think the other ladies have a very valid point about starting in a new home that will eventually 'feel' like home. But your heart is your heart.

Do what is best for you but always consider that you are working in partnership with possibly your future worst enemy. Read the small print, know your exact rights and what happens if he changes his mind.
I know its all emotions but look where mine got me.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, use mine as a gentle reminder to watch your back.

Be strong now for your future and peace of mind.

I can SOOO relate to house issues.

My parents always rented while I was growing up and we moved alot. After I moved out NOTHING every felt like going Home.

So want something different for my kids. We bought our house over 12 years ago. I was the first of my siblings to buy a house (I am 4th out of 5)and this was something I was very proud of. My youngest can't remember living anywhere else and has said for years that he wants this house when we die. My oldest stepson came to live with us at the age of 13 the year we moved here.

I have poured my heart and soul into making this house our home (remodeling etc..). Ex just doesn't understand how much this house means to me. I really want our kids to have someplace to come to that feel like home. Again EX doesn't understand because his mom still lives in the house he grew up in.

I can hang on to this house (by the skin of my teeth) while I am getting child support/maintenance but am trying to figure out how to hang on to it after that. Youngest has said he will help but I don't want to count on that. Want him to have his OWN life.

If your ex is willing to make sure you can keep your home GREAT. Get it in writing. If it is guilt ridden so what? You deserve it if he did something that makes him THAT guilt ridden. Don't worry about the kids. They will figure out that that is what motivated him to do it (if not today then down the road)((especially if the are girls)).

Yes this is normal. Everyone one of us on this site wants to bash our EX at times. Most of us daily. Nothing wrong with making him pay for the hurt he has caused you.

Barb, I might be the last person to answer this forum I can say I know where you are coming from. I am divorce the flea(EX) left about a yr ago and I am still being supported by him. I was and still am a stay at home mom. He pays for my mortgage and gives me child support and something extra every month. I know things will change one day but for now I take advantage of the situation and take everything he wants to give. When that ends then I will see what I will do.

So I am with still-hurting, take advantage of the situation while you can. Take anything and everything he wants to give you for now. Worry about the future later. You never know what tomorrow may bring. Good luck and keep us posted.

I am in the same situation. I don't want to leave our home, but I have been advised otherwise, not told what to do, just advised that moving may be better than staying in the home WE created and built TOGETHER.

He has now chosen to leave our HOME, it nearly kills me to imagine living somewhere else. We struggled for years to afford this place, our DREAM place to live. On a mountain, on 40 acres, surrounded by serenity and peace. I love the fresh air, mountains, nature, did I mention the quiet. He now lives in suburbia, in a bedroom, with his computer and 2 mobile phones. I know this must be killing him, but as I keep telling him when he whinges about money, it was his choice to leave.

If and when the time comes to move/sell our HOME, then I will deal with it then. Until that time comes, I will take his money, take everything I can get and smile, knowing I deserve everything, and he deserves to be guilty and suffering, because he destroyed the best thing that ever happened to him - ME!

Thanks for all your encouragement. I go back and forth. Thinking I could change things enough and stay--If I can get it all in writing and legal so he can't squirm out of it. And sometimes I want to go somewhere he never was. A real fresh start. I will wait and see what really takes place with it all. Right now he paying house payment and all bills. I buy my gas and groceries, and sticking as much of my paycheck away as possible for unknown future. He just trying to be seen as a hero to the girls to try to make them not hate him so much. We all see it. I will take advantage of all his guilt and stupidity. Like Jo said, we deserve it for all the unbearable pain they have caused.

Wishing the best for you and your kids. There are obviously differing opinions, and what works for one person, one situation may not be the best for another. Truly, only you and God know what's best for YOU. My grandmother always recommended prayer...it works for me even though I don't always like the answer I'm given. Let us know how things progress. Hugs.

Thanks, Becky. I have given it to God to decide His will in this one. I don't know what is best for me, but God does. So if it works to stay in house fine, if not that's fine too. Prayer is all that is getting me though this.