He insists on sleeping at the house during his visits because his name is on the house??? You have got to be kidding me!!!!! How long ago did he leave? First thing is first you need to get that taken care of. If he sees your just going to take that then he is never ever going to work with you on spousal/child support. Don't let him in the house, make him take his visits where he stays. I know that is easier said then done but when my ex kept coming to the house for his visits I put a stop to it. He would always tell me " It's my house I can do what I want" Well his house or not I lived there WITH OUT him. I changed the locks and made visitation take place at his Mother's house. He left he needs to stay out. That is only my 2 cents, throw it out if you want..

I get being tired of hearing all the time "God is testing our strengths" I hear it all the time to and some times it makes me want to throw up. It's not that I don't believe it it's just that that is the only thing I hear. I want some one to tell me it is okay to be angry at what has happened. That it is normal for me to want a reason not just a generic answer.

My heart goes out to you. I feel for you having to deal with an a$$ on top of raising young children, and a special needs child,God Bless. You must have the strength of an angel. Tap into it and fight for the right to not have to worry about a job where you have to be away for your child. My attorney told me that as long as my ex and I had a agreement that I would stay home and tend to the kids that he should have to pay me spousal support until my youngest was in school full time so that I could. Well I didn't get spousal support but I lived in the home while he paid the bills and got a good amount of child support. It was an agreement that my ex was not happy about and did his best to make it hard( like shutting off the phone, the electricity and water and refusing to pay the oil bill) That was his stupid mistake he not only had to restart paying all the bills he had to give me the money that it cost me to have it turned back on.

Hold on honey good things will happen sooner or later.....

My stbx moved out, kids and I are still in the home. I made it clear to him that he left, he is not welcome here. In the original papers that were served it states that he is not to enter without my permission. Not only is his name still on the deed, but he is still paying 40% of the mortgage...until the house is sold. I had to get a litte nasty and at times he needs reminders, but for the most part he has stayed out. He does visit here on occasion, when his visits are real short. Not fond of it but would rather have that than him taking the kids for the entire evening. Each person has to decide what they can live with.

I am sure you are very lonely. I get my adult conversation at work. If you are staying home, you aren't getting that. I cannot say I understand raising a special needs child because I have not walked in those shoes. I have, however, worked with special needs children for years and know that it can be very demanding and exhausting. When you just work with the children you send them home at the end of the day. When they are yours the worries and stresses and always with you.

Please let us know how negotiations go. Prayers and hugs.

I guess I am a little lost on this one, why do you say that
"Monday I will receive yet another attempt at negotiations on his part".
Your attorney needs to step up to the plate and file a motion for an immediate temporary order for spousal support and child support and it needs to be heard by the judge and the judge make a ruling. Your ex has no say in a negotiation, he can plead his case with the judge at the hearing, forget these negotiation meetings, they are just costing you time and money and you are getting nowhere fast. You need help and the only way you are going to get it from someone that is beign unreasonable is to have a judge make the ruling, not your soon to be ex.
Once you have the ruling collecting is going to be another story, you may have a court order but if he does not want to play fair he can keep you hanging for spousal support for a long time, child support is another story, his wages can be garnished so try and get child support as high as possible because this you can and will be able to collect.

I think that is his goal...to bankrupt you emotionally, physically and mentally. I don't think he wants to settle.

I suggest you find a good lawyer who will take it to court for spousal support, child support, and for him to pay the special needs extra fees/medical bills.

..even if you get an interim order for spousal/child support it would help.

Negotiations or mediations are mainly for parties who are on equal footings. I don't think that is true in your case.

Dee

I guess I am more evil. If he is staying in your house for the visitation, does his new life know that, if not I would call her up and let her know he is staying in my house with me. See how he would like it.

Take care and let us know how things are going with you.

I hear you... I am, I hope one court date away from my finial divorce. He now is tring to say he is not working, of course it is after he found out how much he would have to pay for child support. I know he is working but it is all under-the-table so no child support. I have gotten so angry at times it is hard just to breath. How can he hurt our kids, because no matter what he says that is who he hurts. They are the ones that go with out while he and the new girlfriend live it up. I am glad God is taking care of us. I was able to find a job. It is a struggle and there is penny pinching going on but at least I can pay the bills. I have no close friends to share with so it was great to find this group.
RE: Lonesome...not sure if this would help but look for a job with children with special needs group. Living and taking care of a special needs child could give you a advantage. Good luck
JC

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. YES, children pay the price and it just isn't fair! All I want to do and you want to do is protect. I hate saying this aloud, but I hope there is such thing as Karma. I wait to see it for myself.

I am thrilled to hear you got a job. Getting a job with special needs children requires alot of schooling (returning to school). I haven't the money, the time, or desire. I am too old. Atleast, I feel it. I basically, have done the single parenting thing on my own (almost 11 years now). He emotionally checked out as soon our son was born. Remember, he didn't realize it was sooooooooo life changing having a child, furthermore having a special needs child who requires alot more time/attention and there are alot more restrictions to your life. Atleast, he has MOSTLY paid the bills.

So, here I am owing a ton of money to my lawyer and the blanker took off somewhere on vacation today with his cheatting g/f. He is suppose to have his children this weekend. What an a...............! I sent off a reply to his latest lawyer papers' and rather than reply before departing for the warmth SOMEWHERE, he leaves me in more suspence. Arrrrrh! Imagine, just goes away, doesn't tell me, ask me to care for the boy's this weekend (his), just off he goes. Can't even reach him if I wanted to.

So, thing's are up in the air, as usual. I can only pray to GOD, miracles happen for me and my boys.