please i need advice i have to be the dumbest person on earth we got married 4 years ago all was going well till he decided he wanted a baby i had already had 2 kids when i was 15 with a jerk and i wasn t ready to have anymore for a while he told me if i didnt he would divorce me so i did because i love him while i was pregnant he made up some papers with his attorny for me to sign a partition or exchange agreement he said if i didnt sign hed divorce me so i signed all rights away then after our son was born almost a year later he decided to divorce me he said that he wanted to be free of me this whole time that i was married he made me give up my friends my job and even my family if i didnt he said hed leave me now hes leaving me i have 3 days till the divorce is final and he kicks me out of our home no money nowhere to go no family no home no job. i have no skills or family to help me i still love the jerk i dont even know why but i do i guess its because i think of that first year together and keep hoping it will go back he said i could stay but i have to obey all his rules im at my wits end i dont know whats going to happen to me my other 2 kids are with their dad cause of all the fighting and my baby is with my soon to be ex husbands parents what is wrong with me why am i so scared to fight him why do i still love him what should i do should i stay and do as he says should i fight back or should i just let him have what he wants and leave im so confused i cant afford a lawyer everything is hopeless

You need to go to a coalition that can help you. That is mental, emotional and financial abuse. I have a husband who has been abusive to me in every way for the last 30 years of my life (I am 45 now). We are divorcing now and he has left me with nothing either but I feel like a millionaire. You have to let him go and realize that he can not love you and treat you that way. You can get free legal assistance from a domestic violence coalition to fight him. He cannot leave you with nothing, it is illegal! You are entitled to a portion of any marital assets. Be strong and don't let him make you feel any less that what you are, BEAUTIFUL!!! Look online for the coalition for domestic violence in your area. Good Luck!

Good advice from Debbie.

You may feel it is hopeless but nothing is ever truly hopeless. You need support and people around you who can guide you and help you figure out your options.

You do not deserve to be treated in such a way. Only you can say 'enough'.
You are a free person, entitled to a good life. You deserve more, you need to expect better.

Talk to a domestic abuse service. They will help.

Good luck.

i talked to the domestic abuse people they said that i have no options legally cause i signed a final decree paper he gave me the divorce is final tommarow and there is nothing i can do on top of all that he said if im to stay with him after the divorce is over i have to sell the one thing he gave me a truck and give him the money plus he wants me to pay child support and court costs i havent been able to work since i married him he woudn't let me now that i can work its almost impossible to find a job i have no ged or high school diploma and no way of paying anything to get ahead im walking 15 miles a day just to get to town to find a job cause he cancelled insurance on my truck and i have no money for fuel i am at my end i cant get ahead no matter how hard i try and since i gave up my friends and family i have no support or help im about ready to give up i cant take it anymore

I get breathless just reading your post! Your anxiety and stress really comes across. How old are you? You said you had 2 kids very young, they live with their dad. Then you had another with your stbx, this one is with his parents, right? So he is pretty much forcing you into a divorce and you signed things you shouldn't have and now you are basically screwed, no education or job. I guess that sums it up right? I wouldn't listen to his threats, unless it's written you have to sell truck, OK then, but if not, whatever. Make him prove it. he can pay the court costs. If he gives you a court order fine, go ahead. If not...? Who cares what he says.

Well, first off, do NOT give up. If ever you put yourself down, STOP. Do you get to see your kids? Make sure you keep a close relationship with them. See them whenever you can, don't skip visits or cut them short unless absolutely necessary. No matter what you think or what anyone tells you (even if your kids turn on you and sometimes, kids tend to get mouthy as they get older testing your love and their boundaries) you stay strong and let them know you love them always and no matter what, you are THE MOST IMPORTANT person to them, you are their MOM!

Sounds like you made some bad choices. Well, join the club. It's OK as long as you learn from them and don't give up, do things to make it right. It sounds like you are very young, you should see if there's somewhere that can help you at least get a GED. I don't know where you live, in larger cities this is probably easier to find help, but no matter where you are if you want it enough, you 100% CAN and WILL have a better life. Sounds to me like no one was really there to guide you when you needed them. So you have to guide yourself. Think carefully, make good choices, even if it's hard. Remember hard work now will pay off later. I went back to school with 2 kids and an addict husband. I literally got 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night for 4 years. I cried on the way there, I cried on the way back. I asked myself WHY I was doing this. I answered myself because i HAVE to. I did NOT want to be financially dependent on anyone. I didn't want to spend my life asking what if. "Should have"s "could have"s are useless. What matters is what will you do now.

I would suggest taking some quiet time for yourself. If you can, take a day just for you. Sit quietly. Write down your dreams. What kind of person do you want to be? Pray. Really see the "future you" and figure out how to get there. If blocks are in your way, find away around them. Reach out to anyone who will listen. Try to reconnect with friends and family. You never know, they might be more receptive than you think. If someone can let you stay with them while you get on your feet, that would be great so you can get away from him. When others see you making a huge effort for a better life, help will come. When you look for your job, have confidence. If they say no because of your education, say you'd like to get your GED, ask them for guidance on help with that. Try asking at your local library, they might have volunteers who can help you study for GED. Don't know how much it costs to take it, but you show enough people you care about yourself and your kids and all of your futures, I'll bet you can get someone (or a few people) to sponsor you.

Girl, if you were near me I'd pick you up and help get you going. Have FAITH. Just keep doing what you need to. I had days where I literally rolled out of bed directly onto my knees and prayed to God to help me get through the day. Then I changed that to asking for help to appreciate the day. After all, each day should be appreciated and not "got through". Make sure you count your blessings, no matter how small. And you get set to show the world that you are strong and capable and just because you had a rough beginning does not mean you have to have a rough middle and end! Do everything with love and faith and things will start to fall into place. Take note of when this starts, even the little things. The more you start noticing these things, the more it will happen. I am not kidding, it happens. I have not read "The Secret" or any other type of thing like that. these are all things I figured out by myself, just through experience. If things don't go how you want, it just means what you wanted isn't what you needed. The reason may become clear later rather than sooner, so it's really important to keep faith no matter what.

Good luck, I hope you use this forum as a type of diary, you can keep us up-to-date on your journey, you will have lots of support!

im 24 have no one there for me

Hi Ekinard,

You said you already signed the divorce paper and nothing you could do about it. Can you visit your son? And your other 2 kids?

First, you contact your family and friends; don't give up on them before you try to come back to them and ask for help.

Second, you go to welfare division in your town to tell them your story and ask what they can do to help you. You have at least one skill; what you enjoy doing and are good at them are your skills; you just have to find out which one is marketable. Talk to welfare people about that; I believe they send people to get trained for a job. And ask them when it benefits you to leave him.

And you should leave the minute you can. What role in his household do you have if you stay? He divorced you, remember? Why do you want to stay? Because you still love him. You said you didn't know why you still love him; after what you said about the way he has been treating you, the only reasonable conclusion that people can come up with is (please pardon me) you are addicted to cruelty. I don't mean it as an insult or a disrespect; I just want to help you to realize whatever you feel for him is not love. How can you love someone who doesn't love you and treats you badly?

There are places for sheltering abused women; ask around, at government agencies for social services, online (go to library to use their computer). Have faith in yourself, you are a unique individual who has her own self-worth, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. And you are not alone; you believe you don't have anyone to depend on, then the best thing is to go straight to the government and public for help. Our society is organized with different aid organizations, both public and private. Go to Red Cross, Salvation Army, homeless shelters.

Welfare division will help you to get a public lawyer (free) so you can tell her/him your situation, to see if she/he can do anything for you, especially where it is concerning your son. And be with your children any chance you get.

I hope this can help you in some ways. Once again, please pardon me if I unintentionally offend you in any way; that is never my intention. Be strong, have faith in yourself and in others, think positively and appreciate whatever you have. Happiness is voluntary; you choose to be happy, you will be happy. God Bless.

Mai :)

the divorce was finalized today they granted us both joint custody im still living with him im planning on leaving in a week or if he kicks me out sooner im probably going to go to a womans abuse shelter and hopefully they can help me find a job or at least get training for one its so hard to go through this its the most painfull thing ive ever went through in my entire life im scared of what lifes going to throw at me next i just feel like hiding in a little corner for the next 10 years he said if i want to stay i pretty much have to surcumb to slavery heres a post of his rules he made up for meBrads Rules

1. No Friends of any kind
Friends that are girls are considered *****s
Friends that are boys are considered people who want to get with me

2. No family of any kind his family doesn’t like me and my family are bad people

3. The only people that are allowed to be considered family to me are Him, Clyde, Reece and Jazzmin

4.No crying around him it just makes him angry and disgusted

5.No snuggling, touching, or holding him while he’s trying to sleep

6.No arguing because he’s always right I’m always wrong

7.He can do whatever he wants when he wants and I’m not allowed to be lonely, sad, or upset while he’s gone or when he get’s back or have an opinion of why he shouldn’t go

8.I’m not allowed to be seen in public with him because I’m just an embarrassment

9.I’m not allowed to know what he’s doing because it’s none of my business

10.These are the rules I must follow if I want to stay with him and Clyde

is it worth staying is there a better life for me out there or is it worse

They say grass is always greener-I'd say in this case the grass is flourishing on the other side. The trip to get there isn't always an easy one. In fact it's quite painful and difficult at times. But living in that home with those expectations-who can live like that? I think it's a good idea to check with the woman's shelter and see how they can help you. Set your goals, in baby steps, and move forward. Some days you feel like it's 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. But with each small goal you accomplish, you will begin to feel empowered and reaching your next goal will be easier. YOU CAN DO THIS. We're here for you. Keep posting and letting us know how it's going.

Are you kidding? I really HOPE you are joking when you ask if there's a better life or worse! Did you read your list? Did he really say that??? That's nuts! Um, yeah, there really IS a better life out there for you, a much much better and happier life! Don't be afraid. Well, let me rephrase that, have courage. Even if you are afraid of the unknown, just take the chance and go. Things will fall into place, they always do. So much joy is waiting for you, go get it!