You don't really want him anymore because he is not the man you married or was in love with. What you really want is your dream of being together forever and having your best friend. That is the hard part. Letting go of the dream or what you thought you had.

My thing was that I did not want him but I did not want him to have anyone else. Most of the time men "move on" allot quicker than we do. In fact most men already have a little honey on the side before they do move on. I just do not think men can stand being by themselves at all.

It is very hard right now. You feel violated and alone and cheated. It seems like he has everything and is so blissfully happy with her and is sipping wine and eating chocolate and picking roses along the lane. And that may be happening but it will not last.

What you need to remember is that these men are their own worst enemies. They work hard at making things look so fabulous but underneath they as well as the little honeys know it is all based on lies. He lied to you so he will lie to them. How can she trust him and he trust her? These women too will have to get in line after you and the children. They will never be first financially if he has to pay child support. And he will. He will have to pay child support, have his own place and wine and dine her. It gets very expensive. He won't have much money but that is the price cheaters have to pay. She will get tired of not having any money or what money he has going to your household and it is not that much fun sitting at home looking at each other.

Meanwhile you will get over the hump. You will realize he is not that special really. That nobody liked him that much anyway but tolerated him because he was your husband. In fact everyone is glad he gone. You wake up one morning and realize what a young attractive thing you really are and decide to be nice to yourself and get your nails done or find a new hobby or go back to school. Make some new friends or maybe change jobs. The whole world is open to you now and you do not have to ask anyone anything. You might not have allot of money but it is yours and you can decide to wear pajamas all day on Saturday if you want or serve the children eggs and bacon for supper or take a little day trip and not have to answer to anyone.

In the meantime, he sees how gorgeous you are, how happy you are, how confident your are (Oh how sexy confidence is), and how well you are doing and he is kicking himself for being the jerk he was. He is still trying to please her which is impossible because she resents not being first.

I would not want to be him for anything. I sure as heck would not want to be my ex because he is his own worst enemy. I did not have to do anything to him to see him flounder and fail over and over. The mean part of me loves that.

So to answer your question--it is normal to still want him. You want what could have been. But what has happened has happened and there is no turning back and you will not want him soon. I just about guarentee that. You were the prize not him. You will get to the point soon where you will ask yourself like I did--why why why did I ever shed a tear over him? He is so unworthy.

Good luck to you. Do not be so hard on yourself and do something FUN today.
SAM

SAM, well said!

SAM is 100% correct -- in fact, she could've been describing my ex. Afraid to be alone...saddled with a sullen, bltchy "little honey" who tries to sabotage his relationship with the kids (like he isn't doing a fine job of that all by himself, LOL), spends his money like water, and, oh, does she hate and resent me.

Brava, SAM...couldn't have said it better myself.

Bravo Sam!!!!!! You actually made me feel better and described my soon-to-be ex to the letter. I am on a mission to improve myself for me and if, in the end he realizes what he had and can't have anymore, well, that's the bonus. Remember ladies, thrive, not survive! That is the best revenge.

It is true. I want that fairy tale, that could've been. I want more children, we could've had. I want all those promises he didn't keep. Sometimes I find myself living in the past, and not caring about the future anymore.
Perhaps it is because all the wounds are still fresh, as it's been only few months. But sometimes I think as if I will never get over this betrayal.
I'm terrified letting new people in my life. Who would want a woman with a small child? I always ask myself this question.
I do hope, time will heal. And I do hope one night I won't cry myself to sleep. But at the moment it's all like never ending hell.

Human nature.

Tell a child NOT to touch the red button and that red button becomes the most irresistable item in the world. Tell the child they can play with it as much as they want they see it for what it is, just a red button.

When we cant have something it becomes something else, when we have it we satisfy the urge but are left with the harsh reality of what it REALLY is.

I go through this all the time, drives me nuts even though I see it.