I am also moving with my daughter who is a student,
single, and pregnant. She is living thru her student loans. My divorce is still in the process and it is ugly. My soon ex tells me that I am getting zero money. I am sooooooo hurt emotionally and financially. I am only a homemaker in a thirty years marriage. I do not have a higher education and no skills to work to earn good income. My daughter is already telling me that she do not want clutter in her place. That means my stuff will go in storage. I want to help her to take care of her baby, my soon grandbaby. I am hoping that things work out but I don't know. I am praying...

In your situation, you are bless that you can afford to buy a place for you. It just a matter of time. I am the one who is really going to be homeless, old, no money. Count your blessings and be thankful.

Celia

Don't under mind yourself, you were not just a homemaker, you took care of him, the bill, the house, the cooking, and I am sure a lot of more things. I was too a homemaker, the ex also told me he would not give me money and anything I got was "his". I was in a 20yr marriage. I am still being supported by him, I still live in the family house, which he pays. I still don't work. So don't under mind yourself, if he has a good job he will pay you. 30 yrs is a lot of time and believe me some alimony will come your way. Even if he doesn't want to pay. Keep your head up and take care.

Ladyrb,

Thank you so much for those encouraging words. I find so much help emotionally on this forum. You all are great.

My soon ex controlled and manipulated me especially on our finances. He rather spend money on lawyers than giving it to me. He knows that I don't have money and just waiting for me to give up the fight.

But he don't know whose on my side......Jesus!!!!!!

Celia, unless your stbx is willing to lose out himself then you will not find yourself pennyless. You ran a house/home for 30 years, that is no mean feat and you developed more skills than you could ever dream of through that time, you simply arent recognising them.

For living in a place you dont want to, well this sometimes happens to the best of us, its a matter of a stiff upper lip and sometimes its necessary.
You are indeed very lucky that you have the means to go out and find yourself a home. I for one did have an ex who was willing to go down in order to see me go down with him, my dream now is to be able to afford somewhere for just me and my son. Right now it is impossible due to the whole financial game played out.

The time will pass quickly and you have a new future that you can shape to look forward to. Dont let a bleep pull you down, you have survived this far you will see the finish line. Keep your head up, and start decorating your new place in your head.

You will get there.

Abbey,

OOOOOHHHH WOW!!! You said it all. Thank you SOOOO much for all those encouraging words and wisdom.


What your ex-husband did is the same as what my soon ex wants. Don't know why??

Celia, I don't know where this saying originated, but I've always liked it: Illegitimis non carborundum, which, translated, means 'Don't let the *******s grind you down!'

Wishing you the best!!

Amen

Celia, you ask why they do it.

Spite is the only thing I can think of. After having such control over us all those years, to suddenly lose it drives them nuts, so they set out to punish us for daring to cut their ties of control. How dare we???

So its almost an act of vengeance and yes they are willing to cut off their own nose just to gain that bit of satisfaction.

sad but true.

Guess what though, financial disaster is easier to live with than the control. And the financial outcome is very much the last card they can play.
My ex had a business, we had money etc etc. Now he is unemployed looking for a job and guess who drops him food off? Yup. Im in a very bad situation because of his 'revenge' tactics. But his situation is worse. And Im not quite as heavy hearted as he is. So it all has a way of working out I guess.
I may not have the finances but I do have my integrity. Priceless. You will be fine

Abbey,


Yes I will be fine. It hurts sooo much but living in peace and with integrity as you said is PRICELESS!!!


Thanks to you and to the women in this forum.