I know I have days where i will check my email the phone go outside everything to see if he would want to talk to me. I become so desperate that I just start fights with him to get some type of attention from him. I know I have to stop and get a life I am always home. I still don't work,it has been a yr since he left and 3 month our divorce was final.

The funny thing, is when I was txting him, he told me I had no right to txt him that kind of messages, that I have no right to hold grudges against him or his old wh**e. So just to make it more clear to me, he could do whatever the f*** he wants to do, still call and ask me for money for him to pay his utility bills or get a food into his fridge, and I just have to close my eyes, get on with my feelings, support him financially and NOT SAY ANYTHING TO THE *******.
So when I stopped txting him, I also stopped access to my account. The food I buy, is the only food for my son, when he goes to stay with his dad, and I do give the odd tenner to pay for gas so my son doesn't wash in a cold water. But other than that I stopped supportng him.

When I read your post I thought the same thing. Will he wake up and realize what a mistake he made. It has been over 8 months since our separation. In my head I know he is not coming back but in my heart there is still a small portion of hope!!

I have the once in a while hope that he will one day get his head out of his @** and regret what he did and beg to come home, but really, how would we ever trust the lying creeps again? There has been a lot of damage done from their stupidity. I am not sure I could take him back even if he begged one day. I am only 3 months since he walked out, and know that in between the hate I have for him is 30 years of loving him, but without trust what kind of relationship would that be?

You always hope. Again, three years out and I hear that the "new" wife is leaving and all of my strong opinions go out the window. I start hoping. I start hoping that he is glad she is leaving and will want to put our family back together again. He doesn't. He texts a few times saying I will always love you and I can't believe I left you...just to make sure the hook is in. He has broken down many times before, but with his new relationship breaking up, I think he feels it even more deeply...the damage and the waste.

"New" wife is leaving in a week and they are divorcing and it has taken me two weeks to steady myself and realize that he isn't coming back and worse, he is even more crazy in the head now. He smokes now, he is a big drinker now, he is a part-time dad now.

It hurt like hell when he told me he was getting married. In my mind this was all just going to be a phase and he would come to his senses. He didn't and clearly he's not going to.

And the big question is: what am I fighting for now? He LEFT us...in the most cruel way and didn't think twice it seemed. He has been nothing but an emotional, drunk mess since he left. So what am I hoping for? I am thankful that "holly homewrecker" is leaving now...at this stage for me. Anything earlier and I would have caved and wanted him back and with no thought even taken him back. Not that he would take me back...but my knee-jerk reaction was just to want him back. Thankfully some self-respect stepped in and told me to stop and remember what those first few months were like...what that felt like.

I feel the same way, after 34 years. Loving someone that long is hard to just turn off. In my head I know I should not want him back after all the cruel hurtful things he has said and done to me but still in my heart I want him to come knocking on the door begging to come back.
I did go and find him and beg him over and over to try and work on our marriage, after I found out about the girlfriend, but he would only say "let me make this crystal clear, I don't want you anymore I want to be with her". So even if he did come back how can I ever forget all of the things he has said to me?
I just want the pain and hurt to stop and for me not to care anymore and I am sure you want the same thing. I wish I had an answer for you but as you can see i am in the same boat.

Oh Bridget, how I feel for you and anyone else who has heard those cruel words or others much like them. I heard words much the same. "I will always love you but I just want to be with her now". How after 32 years to you bear hearing that he has replaced you with a whim, with a woman who can hardly be a woman? In my opinion, she can hardly be human when she is willfully, knowingly destroying an entire family, complete with a loving, trusting 5 year old grandson who is counting on his grandpa to teach him baseball, and another due to be born any day now. Complete with 4 children and one son-in-law who looked up to you as the head of this family. Not to mention what she is doing to me, a sister simply becasue we were both born female into this world. Yes, my husband is to blame but so is she. I can and would forgive him, but never her.

Oh boy...we are all definitely in the same boat. I read your stories and think that maybe we are in denial as much as they are. I think they can somehow "turn off" their feelings or block it out. I suppose that's what I need to do. I don't want to deny that I am sensitive to what happened but I need to lock it out of my everyday life-the life I have now. I think sometimes that it's still my way of controlling him and/or wanting him to do what I want him to do. I think it's time I gave that up.

If you love something set it free...right? Ugh...right...even your dumb ex-husband ;-)